Sometimes I wish there was a for making friends.

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Making friends--good friends, friends you can hang out and do anything with--is hard. Since graduating, I've realized that most of the friends I've made (and by most, I mean probably all?) are because of work. I wish it was easier to make friends out and about. Like, you're at a coffeeshop and spot a girl whose bag you like, you comment on her bag, and you become friends. But instead, she finds you creepy and weird (worst case scenario) or says, "Thanks!" and smiles back and that's that.

I find it very easy to be friendly and get along well with essentially everyone and I have a lot of acquaintances, but when it comes to really good girlfriends--the kind you tell everything to, the kind you can rely on, the kind you can spend entire days with and have an amazing time--I could for sure count them on the fingers of one hand, and schedules and commitments make it hard to spend time with these friends. And I feel lonely. I'm NOT lonely--I have a husband who is my best friend--but sometimes I want to gossip shamelessly or get manicures or watch terribly trashy TV with someone else, and I feel bad making Peter watch The City and ANTM with me.

I have always had an easier time making friends with boys. I'm not sure why that is. I have a foul mouth and a dirty mind. That probably helps. Also, I don't consider myself to be very high maintenance or particularly girlie. I laugh a lot, I like sports and cars, and I think farts are hilarious and tiny dogs are stupid and not actually real dogs. I'm not particularly bitchy. I hate the issues that come up when you're hanging out with girls, how everyone complains how fat they (supposedly) are and the cattiness and the drama. With guys you don't get that. If boys are mad at each other, they'll call each other assholes and get over it. Girls will stew and drag their posses into it and drag out the pettiness until it's exponentially worse than the original tiff.

That being said, it makes me a little sad how difficult it is to connect with cool girls--potentially great friends--especially once you're out of university and into the working world. I love all my friends. But remember when you were little, in elementary school, and you could just go up to a kid on the playground and be like, "Want to play?" and boom, you were buddies. Why is it so tough to do that now? It's so easy to meet a date, between the Internet, friends desperate to hook you up with their single pals, or just being drunk at a bar and hitting on whatever looks decent at the time. It's too bad that identifying and growing genuine friendships can be so tricky and almost impossible.

You Might Also Like


  1. Amy, I think everyone feels a little bit like you do. I certainly do.

    Once you're out of a forced environment like school, it's really difficult to meet people, especially if you don't already have a set of friends from high school/college to hang out with.

    It takes a lot of awkwardness and work to find a true blue friend, and like dating its a numbers game.

    Some of the ways that I have met friends over the years have actually been from the platonic section of Craigslist, and also by going to events through

    You might consider checking both those sites out. You'll meet a lot of people--some will be total weirdos, some will be mediocre, and hopefully one or two will be pretty cool to hang out with. You'll find that there are a lot of people out there that are looking for the same things you are.

    In any case, I know where you're coming from. It ain't easy. So good luck and let us know if you try any of those methods!

  2. I agree with you---it's really tough trying to find girls who aren't drama queens or mean or difficult to be around who are just comfortable friends. I completely sympathize with you.

  3. I feel the same way...

    AND, a blog i follow felt the same way as well, a little while back...


    So at least we know most people are in the same feeling?

  4. I think about this every. single. day.

    I, too, have found that it's easier to make guy friends than it is to make girl friends. However, since college graduation, I have been unable to make ANY new friends due to the fact I work in a tiny office. And now, it's not the guys I miss - it's the girls. I'll stare at girls from afar on public transit that I think I'd like to be friends with, just totally unable to approach. It's worse than dating.

  5. "I think you look really cool, and I'd like to be your friend"

    I feel that when I see girls out shopping who look or sound like awesome people with a sarcastic, cynical sense of humour

    I hear that. Wrote a whole post on it...

  6. This is so true. Since leaving university I've found it incredibly hard to make new friends without that natural coming-together of people. I've had some lovely friends living in the same city, but as time's gone on they've moved away and not been replaced... I worry about this and despite an amazing boyfriend who is definitely my best friend too, I do need an injection of new girl friends. Work is probably the best way to meet people at our age, but that's not been easy for me, either, having had jobs in small offices or not been with like-minded people. British reserve and the desire not to look weird makes approaching people very hard!

  7. I so hear you. Maybe I'm just too judgmental from the get go, but cool girls are rare.

  8. It's true — and even if you have a base of old friends, work friends, college friends, it's also nice to expand your horizons and meet new people, and it's definitely not easy. Have you ever gone to the Halifax Tweetups?

  9. I totally know what you mean!!
    I had to move back in with my parents after living on my own for a bit after school was done.
    They now live in a town where I never went to school, and although I have a great job and have made some friends there, I still don't really have a lot of friends. All the people in my department are older, mostly with kids. And all the other girls my age I have made friends with have a kid now. lol.

  10. Ginger...I didn't know there were actual sites for this sort of thing :) Interesting!!

    Amy...It's SUPER hard! At least at school you're surrounded by peers. That makes it a tiny bit easier.

    Red...I guess it's a common thing for people our age.

    eking's TOTALLY stressful and way worse than dating! I agree!

    FB...It seems to be a common theme :)

    Helen...Yes, while the BF is a wonderful friend sometimes you need time with girls! I hear that!

    You Are My Fave...they are definitely few and far between.

    Lindsey...I haven't gone to a tweetup, actually. I need to go the next time there's a Halifax Chicks or Twushi for sure.

    HK...that makes a big difference too...people at our age are all in such different stages of life. Some people I went to high school with are on kid #3 or 4!! Others are still partying like they're in first year.

  11. I think the reason for the difficulty we all seem to have is that when we're little, we just accept people much easier than we do now. For example, think of your best friend from way-back-when ... if you met this girl TODAY, do you think you'd be friends with her? Maybe? But odds are, you wouldn't.

    Old friends are like family. Because we were so young and non-judgemental we just accepted them as they were and have grown to tolerate the things we now hate about them. It's familiar that way.

    As an adult, who is living 900 miles away from those set of friends ... it sucks. I, too, tend to get along better with guys. However, the City Boy and I have an agreement about not seeking NEW friendships with the opposite sex. So, the search for a "girlfriend" that is compatible to my craziness? Hard to find.

  12. Em...that's a good point (wondering whether we'd be friends with our old friends if we were just meeting them today). Who knows? I think for some of my friends I definitely would. Others, probably not so much. And probably more of the latter.