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The time I pooped myself at the gym*

Thursday, August 04, 2011


This morning, I got up at 6:00, bleary-eyed and crazy-haired, and opted to start my day with 60 minutes of cardio hell instead of something more sane and nice like sleeping or snuggling. I picked out my outfit in the semi-darkness and threw it on - gray yoga capris from Old Navy and my softball team t-shirt from last year (with my Twitter handle on the back...RECOGNIZE!) Needless to say, I try really hard to dress to impress at the gym.

Anyway, I went to the gym and suffered through an hour of cross-training madness. An old man lingered behind me when I was on the elliptical. He didn't seem to be doing anything useful, i.e. getting a drink of water or signing up for a machine. I kept giving him the side-eye backwards glare. Pervert. Who stands and stares at a six-months-pregnant woman's ass? It's bad enough when it's a regular ass.

I finished my workout which (unfortunately) included a few trips around the gym from machine to machine. I kept getting weird looks. Being all sensitive about being preggers I figured people are wondering if I'm actually knocked up or just fat. Listen, people, I'm at this gym six days a week - if I'm gaining this much weight without a bun in the oven you all better quit your gym memberships right now because IT AIN'T WORKING.

I went home and got ready to get in the shower, because, if you know me, you know that I refuse to shower in the gym, just like I refuse to watch reality shows about dancing or eat lobster.

I pulled off my pants and then I realized...I had grabbed the wrong pair.


See, I have two pairs of identical Old Navy gray capri yoga pants. And one of those pairs I wore when we were painting our living room...and I sat in some paint. Mocha-coloured paint.

It left a stain right on my asscrack. Like right at the poop spot. And ever since then these pants have been relegated to at-home use only. They are housecleaning pants, sick day pants, dog grooming pants. I don't even go out to the end of the driveway to bring in the garbage cans with these things because of the paint stain, which looks exactly like I pooped myself.

In my half-awake state and rush to get out the door I grabbed the poop pants and wore them for a solid hour in public and now everyone at my gym thinks I'm fat AND that I shit myself.


I'm throwing these pants in the garbage.

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  1. lol. So sorry for your embarrassment. If it were me, I'd be mortified, but reading this definitely gave me a good laugh!

    At least you got in a good workout before you noticed!

  2. I haven't laughed so hard at a blog post in a long time. Not at your expense, of course, but mostly of the image that says "NOT FECES". LOL! This is totally something that would happen to me, so I feel your pain, lady. Odds are, nobody even noticed. Luckily they were gym pants and not something you wore out to a fancy dinner or something, eh?

    Hugs. :)

  3. I would just like to say that the title "The time I pooped myself at the gym" showed up on my Google Reader three times in a row for some reason, and it made me LOL at work. Thanks :)

  4. Ha! Hysterical... definitely throw them away immediately. Isn't it funny how our most embarrassing moments make the best stories?

  5. ya you should probably throw them away to prevent this from happening again. But, looking at the picture, the spot doesnt look THAT big. Still a funny story though :)