mamamonday: thoughts on day care
Monday, February 06, 2012Today Eli and I are checking out a day care, and while part of me is glad we're doing our research and getting a spot secured nice and early, it makes me feel a little bit sick to think that sometime in the near-ish future, I'll be back at work and somebody else will be spending the days with my tiny man. Yes, there are times when I would happily head back to work right.this.second. if someone even remotely competent showed up at my house and offered to watch him. And it's not that I'm dreading going back to work - I like my job. But I don't think handing your baby over to a relative stranger and having them essentially raise your child until he goes to school is ever an easy thing to do.
This week was a week of firsts for Mr. Eli. He started rolling over, he went for his first sleepover, and he laughed for the first time on Saturday. Seeing him laugh was the highlight of my week, easily. It wasn't a timid little giggle, but a full-on, "hyuck! hyuck! hyuck!" hillbilly belly laugh, and I was happy I got to see and hear it. Knowing that there's a good chance it won't be me who sees him take his first steps or hears him say his first word makes me a little weepy. I'm sad that I'll be missing a lot of big firsts and that he'll be seeing more of his daycare provider than of me. I wonder, when he's sick, will he want his mom or his babysitter? What if he likes her better than me? What if he hates being home and is happier at the daycare and has a fit when weekends roll around and he can't go? Will he feel like we're neglecting him or don't want to be with him all day?
Annnnd just writing the last paragraph has my eyes welling up. The thought of somebody else raising my baby has me in a massive flap. Somebody else teaching him how to talk and read and catch a ball, and my role being the person who feeds him breakfast and dinner, drops him off, picks him up, and puts him to sleep.
So people say to me, "well, why don't you just stay home with Eli?" But it's not that simple. In addition to legitimately enjoying my job and getting lots of satisfaction out of it, there's a myriad of reasons why not working doesn't make sense for me. Bills, obviously. Adult interaction. Independence. Being able to waste my hard-earned dollars on frivolous things like $6 coffees and not waiting for the paperback edition of the new book that just came out without worrying about it too much. I've worked since I was 16 - I don't know if I could handle not working.
My mom stayed home with us and now I appreciate how lucky we were to have her there, but that was what worked for my parents - I don't think it's the best option for everybody. I don't necessarily think it's the best option for us. The perfect scenario would be working from home or being able to bring Eli to work with me, but obviously an office full of babies would be chaotic to say the very least. So a choice has to be made.
And so, we're going to look at a daycare today, and keep our fingers crossed that Eli gets a spot in a good place. One where he'll learn a lot and eat healthy snacks and get lots of outdoor play and contract as few germies as possible. Preferably one that can refer me to a good shrink when the time comes that I finally have to drop him off for the day.
11 comments
I went back when both of my babies were 7 months (in the Uk your 112 pounds per week stopped then) as I had to. I was lucky that I found a wonderful nursery for my precious children and then I just didnt allow myself to go there in my head. There are so many reasons to go back to work when you have a career and there are positives for your children for being in daycare. They become so much more comfortable in the company of others and learn to share etc etc. For me, the most important part of this is finding someone/where you are happy with. We have a babysitter now we live in NS as the daycares I went to didnt rock my world. I LOVE my babysitter and so does Lily, it makes all the difference in the world.
ReplyDeleteThat's a good point - I'm definitely happy about Eli learning to share and socialize. I don't know too many other babies around his age just yet, so I wouldn't want him to be a little hermit by the time he goes to school :)
DeleteGood luck today! Topher stays with a close friend and her 3 yo son MWF and at a dayhome Th/F. We were a little nervous about having him at a dayhome with a complete stranger, even though we checked it out thoroughly before leaving him there - but he absolutely LOVES going there. So much so that this morning when I told him he was going to the other place, he started to cry and say "No, no, no! Jack's house!" (Jack is the son of the dayhome provider). Honestly, I would love to just work PT (I'd have to work outside the home some, for my own sanity!) but since that won't work for us right now - as long as he's happy where he is, I'm happy. Another perk of daycare/dayhomes: Topher has learned SO MUCH from the older kids. He speaks so clearly, and his vocabulary is amazing for such a little guy - which I attribute to being around the other kids so much :)
ReplyDeleteThat's another thing I hadn't considered - how much they learn from the older kids. Eli will be one of the littlest ones no matter where he goes, so it would be great if he could learn from the bigger kids!
DeleteI'm 100% in agreement with you. The thought of leaving Chase with strangers terrifies me. I know the positives but I stress everyday about it.
ReplyDeleteHow bout I have the boys here:)
Sounds perfect! Hope you guys are feeling better. We'll have to do a walk when you and Chase are recovered!
DeleteAww what a tough decision! I can only imagine the emotions running through your head. Hope the visit today went well and that you find a place perfect for the sweet baby & his caring Mama. :)
ReplyDeleteI'm not a Mom yet but I can say that both of my parents worked and had to leave me with a sitter at a very young age and I can assure you that no one ever came close to replacing my Mom's love. In fact, from what I can remember I anticipated seeing her at the end of the day. My parents just made sure to never miss a field trip or something special at school, but they both worked very hard to provide for the family and I think my brother and I appreciated & were grateful for that when all was said and done.
xo
Thank you! The visit did go well and we'll be checking out lots of places - I really hope we find a good spot for the little man :)
DeleteIt's definitely not easy, but as long as you find a place that both you and Eli love and trust, you'll both be just fine. Are you planning to go back early, or will you be off the full year? I went back when J was nine months because of a new job opportunity, and I'm very happy with my decision. I always knew that I'd go back to work and pursue my career out of the home -- that's just me (and you, too, apparently). There's nothing at all wrong with that.
ReplyDeleteTo ease your mind, even though J went to daycare sooner than I'd planned, my husband and I both got to see his first steps and hear his first words. Just because your boy is in daycare doesn't mean you won't have just as much meaningful interaction.
I'm unbelievably blessed to have a wonderful person (an in-home scenario) to take care of our boy. He's excited to see his friends in the morning when I drop him off, but he also squeals with delight when he sees me come through the door in the afternoon. Jacob has learned so much from his daycare provider (words, songs, manners) and interacting with other kids has done wonders for his growing vocabulary and sharing skills.
Hope your first daycare visit went well!
I would just like to second Lindsey's comment -- I know her daycare provider (who really is an amazing person) and J does love it there!
ReplyDeleteI stay at home with my toddler, who is three months older than J, and I freelance during naptimes and after he goes to bed. While I am grateful to spend so much time with my son, there are definitely times when I wish I was working out of the home -- and times when I think my son would benefit from being around other children.
It sounds like going back to work is right for you, so try not to feel guilty or dwell on what it will be like. Once you and Eli get into the swing of things, I'm sure you'll both be really happy with the situation -- and that he'll benefit from the interaction with other kids, just like J does.
We just started daycare over here--in week 3 now. Nora goes 3 or 4 days a week, depending, to an in-home daycare. I'd been dealing with the guilt and tears and such for weeks, way before we started. However, she is really happy and is getting socialized. It takes some getting used to. Her first two days included some tears and getting comfortable. By day three she was all giggles and big-eyed interest in everything going on around her--has been since. Be prepared for a sniffle or maybe a bug here or there, but it all works out. Also, I must admit that it is amazing to get through work obligations without a million interruptions. (I teach and do a lot of grading at home.)
ReplyDelete(:
-Genevieve