In 2008, I started a new job, moved in with my boyfriend, and got engaged.
In 2009, I smashed up my car, we planned our wedding and we got married.
In 2010, I started another new job, we bought our house, and we got a dog.
And in 2011, we became parents.

So guess what's going to top all that in 2012?
NOTHING. And this excites me more than you can imagine.

After years of big moves, big things and big changes, I'm beyond ready for a year to sit back and actually just enjoy what we have. Rather than frantically planning the next huge life milestone and carving out the next step of our master plan, I want to take this year to appreciate what we've already got.

A great marriage. A comfy home. A beautiful son. An annoying yet lovable dog. A job I enjoy. Wonderful friends.

You know what I want in 2012? Lots of naps. Baby giggles and coos and eventually, words. Long runs around our neighbourhood. Beach days and evening skates. Date nights and crafternoons. I want the kitchen to smell like something awesome is cooking more often than not. A fresh coat of paint here and there, maybe some new knobs on the cabinets, some new plants in the flowerbeds. I want to make the most of my mat leave, and when it's time to go back to work, I want to be completely refreshed and ready to jump back into it. I don't want to be run ragged from trying to achieve the NEXT! BIG! THING! all year. Basically, I want what I already have with some little adjustments from time to time. The same thing, only better.

I don't know when I stopped being content with what I have, but it's been a few years at least that I've felt like I'm continuously pushing for more, more, more, all the time. This year's about mellowing out, slowing down and appreciating the blessings and beautiful things I'm often too busy or distracted to pay attention to. I'm going to set goals, sure, but they're going to be all about making the best of what I have rather than starting at ground zero every time I get the itch to fix something.

So here's to 2012. I hope it's full of love, laughs, fun and good health for all of you, and that we're all able to find something, big or little, to smile about every single day.

To be completely honest, this Christmas day wasn't the most wonderful time of the year in our home. Instead of the spirit of the baby Jesus we had more of a demon on our hands, in the form of a very crabby, growth-spurty six-week-old hell bent on making opening gifts, preparing and eating Christmas dinner, and doing basically anything not involving feeding, burping, changing or otherwise comforting him next to impossible. It was one of those days where Eli wouldn't nap, no matter what we tried to do. Wakey baby = wakey mom. It wasn't pretty. I burst into tears more than once that day and went to bed at 8:00 already making plans in my head for how to ensure next Christmas won't be such a gong show.

I know that someday we'll look back at this holiday and laugh. "The Christmas When Eli Was Born" will be the stuff of family legends. It was just another reminder that when you're a parent you can't plan for anything. Eli doesn't give a hoot if it's Jesus' birthday or that he's getting a bajillion presents or that we want to shove turkey into our guts while not being serenaded by baby screeches. He's growing like a weed and feeling shitty and he's going to spend the day letting us know.

And I know there's no guarantee next year will be better. I remember countless Christmases when I was small and one of us would miraculously develop the stomach flu, tonsilitis, or chicken pox right on cue at 6:00AM December 25, year after year. Once you have a kid all bets are off, apparently. They may be the smallest peeps in the house but they definitely rule the roost.

But looking back on this Christmas, there were lots of nice moments. Going for a walk after lunch with all my boys. Helping Peter get the potatoes and turnips ready for dinner (by "helping" I mean holding the baby and giving Pete instructions - there was no way Eli was letting us set him down on Christmas day. Hooo no.) Enjoying a glass of wine with dinner, even if my poor husband had to eat his turkey feast with one hand because he was, you guessed it, holding the baby with his other. Cracking open my Philosophy The Gingerbread Man hot salt scrub and shower gel during my 10 minutes of peace in the bathroom. And in a happy turn of events, the growth spurt seems to have eased up and we're getting more of our cheery boy back over the past few days.

Christmas this year wasn't bad, far from it. Just...different. As they're all going to be from now on.

Yesterday I had my six-week postpartum doctor's appointment and finally got the go-ahead to resume all my normal activities, including working out. I've been looking forward to that for weeks. Since I was put on limited activity when we had our 32-week preterm labour frolic, all I've wanted to do is run, swim, ski, and generally jump up jump up and get down. But I've been a good girl and stuck to easy, low-impact exercise like walking, which is boring as hell and makes me feel like a senior citizen.

This morning I was awake before 6:00 (thanks Eli!) and for the first time since September 19 went through a familiar ritual. Throw on leggings and a t-shirt, lace up my sneakers, eat a banana, fill my water bottle. I gathered up my iPod and membership card, headed to the gym and hopped on a treadmill.

My "triumphant" return to the gym wasn't so much. I didn't speed through five miles without breaking a sweat as I'd envisioned. I ran at a pretty slow pace for three miles and completed it in just under 30 minutes, same as I was doing at 32 weeks pregnant. I felt stiff. I had a stitch in my side. I couldn't wait for it to be over. At the end of my run, though, I felt great and wanted to do more. I settled for a few sets of crunches and some stretching and headed home.

I don't have a plan for getting back on track with workouts. With a newborn at home it's impossible to say I'm going to get to the gym x-number of times per week, because that's just setting myself up for failure.  I'm going to aim for three to four gym visits weekly in the beginning and increase that when he gets a little bigger and more predictable. Right now his feeding schedule is all over the place thanks to what I suspect is a growth spurt or just six-week-old baby douchebaggery (from what I've read, crying peaks at around six weeks...we'll see. It's impossible to plan anything these days. My plan for the rest of the day is to camp out on the couch with Eli, a burp cloth, a jug of water and the remote control and get our fill of cheesy daytime TV while I feed him what feels like every 30 seconds.)

I don't have much weight to lose. By some stroke of luck I lost my baby weight almost right away, at least in terms of the number on the scale. When I weighed myself three weeks after Eli was born, I was back to my normal weight. However, in my mind the number on the scale pretty much means zilch. In terms of the shape I'm in, it's pretty abysmal. I started getting winded after less than 10 minutes on the treadmill. Everything feels soft. My goal right now is just to tone things up and get my endurance back to normal.

A tentative weekly plan looks something like this: two longer cardio workouts (45-60 minutes) and two shorter runs, like today's, combined with strength workouts. On in-between days we'll just keep doing what we're doing, walking outside when the weather's nice enough. I would like to start doing a yoga video at home once a week too to get some flexibility back.

My longer-term goal is to run the Bluenose 10K in May and finish under 52 minutes. A lofty goal when you look at the shape I'm in today, but I have six months to get there. A half-marathon by the end of 2012 is also on my mind, maybe in the fall, but I'd like to wait and see how the 10K goes first.

The best thing about going to the gym this morning was that just by getting up and heading out the door, I felt like myself. No baby in tow, no strollers or car seats. Just 45 minutes to myself to listen to music, zone out, work up a sweat and not worry about Eli. It was like an early Christmas gift. Thank you Santa!

Eli was starting to get into what I stupidly thought was a nice little routine. Eating every 3-4 hours, sometimes going longer at night. On Saturday night he went to sleep around 10:00, woke up at 2:20, and not again until 6:20. Waking up once during the night? Seven-ish hours of sleep? I was super excited and proud of my little man, thrilled that we were seemingly on the right track towards a sane schedule and a break from the zombie days.

Then last night happened, when we were up at 11 something, 1 something, 4 something and again at 5:45. Today he's cranky and hasn't gone more than 2 1/2 hours between feedings. I'm guessing we're on the verge of a growth spurt...lovely. During his three week growth spurt I did a lot of sobbing. Serving as a 24-7 milk bar will do that to a person. It wasn't pretty. I know babies hit a growth spurt somewhere around six weeks, so we're due anytime, and I'm not looking forward to it.

If anyone has any advice on getting a baby into a routine, please feel free to fire it my way. I've read Babywise, and am trying to follow it, at least the overall general premise- the whole feeding time, waketime, naptime order of operations, anyway. I'm not sure if five weeks is really old enough for the "cry it out" method. And I fail to see how doing things in a certain order is going to get us a solid night's sleep any time soon. But I digress. I'm not the author of a bestselling book about healthy sleep habits - au contraire, I'm a frazzled mother without two clues to rub together, so what do I know?!

Maybe we just have to wait it out...however, if I hear one more mom gloating about her kid's fantastic sleeping abilities (oh, like I was doing yesterday) I'm going to lose my shit. Let's all pray that if it's a growth spurt it'll be a quick one and in the meantime please feel free to bestow your secrets for establishing a nice, comfy, cozy routine on me in the comments.

Aside from the past 24 hours this has been a pretty nice week with Eli - lots of walks, outings, naps, and generally being pleasant. No crazy crying fits. All very civilized and enjoyable. He's five and a half weeks now and it feels like he's starting to be more "with it" - smiling in response to our smiles, looking to find the source of a noise, lots of eye contact and babbling back at us. He's always been an alert baby but it feels like he's starting to understand more of what's going on around him. He still hates tummy time and loves being in his gym, is happiest when he's cuddled or swaddled, and is 50/50 on his swing.

Right now he's being quiet so this girl better go shove some food into her face before the next outburst. Ahhh, newborns. Good times.

I love Google Analytics. Not only does the word "analytics" make me laugh every time because it's got "anal" in it and I'm a 13 year old boy, but it provides lots of entertainment from looking at the search terms people have used to find my blog. Here are some of the latest gems that have brought me readers. Thanks for the fun, Google Anal.

did Amy Wheaton get married? - Yes I did! October 17, 2009, try to keep up.

embarrassing pants stain - been there, had those. No fun.


I have become a boring person - You and me both, guy. You and me both. When laughing over the word "anal" is the peak of entertainment in your day, you too have become boring.

I've been felt up by a stranger - I feel like if someone had indeed been felt up by a stranger, was traumatized by it, came home and did that Google search looking for some advice or reassurance, arriving at this blog would have been the disappointment of a lifetime.


KD deluxe white cheddar - the only KD worth eating!! Well, that and spirals. But white cheddar is definitely the best.

peek or peak grammar - one of my pet peeves is when people advertise a "sneak peak" so I appreciate that this searcher went the extra mile to ensure they were using the correct version of this oh-so-tricky word.

sexy yoga pants - to me this is an oxymoron but apparently not everyone feels that way. If yoga pants are sexy, then I'm one sexy bitch.


sloth sin - I think the term "sin" gets tossed around a little much, don't you? Is being a sloth REALLY sinful? Are all these little guys going to hell? But they're so cute!

SINNER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GET BEHIND ME SATAN

If being a sloth is wrong I don't want to be right.

I'm having trouble getting into the Christmas spirit this year. I'm sure part of it is having a new baby in the mix, which means less time for decking the halls and falalalalalaing and all that.

We decorated our tree on Saturday night in the midst of Eli's Gas Attack 2011, each of us taking turns hurriedly hanging ornaments and frantically trying to shush a wailing baby - not exactly the relaxed and romantic eggnog-and-Bailey's fests of years past. The rest of the house is kinda-sorta decorated. There's a wreath on the door and candles in the windows. I finally took the fall gourds off the dining room table (and they're now on the sideboard). And I've eaten more of the Christmas cookie dough raw than I've actually baked. Still...I made the dough! That's the hard part, right?

I've been recording Christmas specials since the first of December, but finding time to watch them is hard when staying awake to 9pm constitutes a wild night. In the next 10 days we have to watch Charlie Brown, A Christmas Story, National Lampoon, Rudolph, Home Alone, and a bunch more. So far we've managed to see Elf and the Grinch. We pretty much have to watch one Christmas show per day to get all the essentials in before the big day.

The weather isn't helping my Christmas spirit either. It doesn't feel like the holidays when the grass is green and I'm wearing a spring jacket outside. Not that I'm complaining, since being snowbound with a newborn or not able to take our daily walks because it's minus 30 outside doesn't sound appealing at all. It's just easier to make merry when there's a little snow on the ground or when mittens are a must. 

Despite the craziness around our house lately I'm trying my best to make things feel as Christmasy as possible. I've been listening to Christmas tunes, mailing out our cards (better late than never) and wrapping presents while the baby's sleeping. There's hot chocolate in the cupboard and clementines and nuts on the counter. Slowly but surely it's starting to feel like the holidays.

In order to get our Christmas mojo back, here's what we'll be doing the next few days...

Dec. 14 - see Neptune Theatre's Christmas production of The Jungle Book
Dec. 15 - attempt to make gingerbread men
Dec. 16 - pick out or make a Christmas ornament for Eli
Dec. 17 - put the outside lights on the house
Dec. 18 - go for a walk to look at all the lights in our neighbourhood
Dec. 19 - watch a Christmas movie
Dec. 20 - Starbucks date & check out the decorations in our old neighbourhood
Dec. 21 - have a Bailey's and coffee drink. Yes, this is monumental and deserves its own day.
Dec. 22 - eat Swiss Chalet festive specials
Dec. 23 - write Eli's first Santa letter
Dec. 24 - possibly Christmas eve church service; do another drive around to look at lights and our regular Christmas Eve tradition of opening one gift and watching a movie.

I hope by this time next week I'll be feeling more ho-ho-ho and less bah, humbug.

My little goblin turned one month old on Saturday.

On Friday, we had a monumental milestone - Eli's first real smiles, ones not caused by gas or muscle spasms. When he grinned, I got super excited and turned completely ridiculous. "Smile for Mama! Do you have any more smiiiiiiiles?" I cooed at him. Total baby talk, I admit it - add it to the list of things I swore I'd never do. But there goes my voice, about three octaves higher than normal. "Do you have more little smiiiiiiiiiiiles?" And he did.




I marked it down on his page of "firsts" in his baby book. December 9, 2011 - first smiles. It was exciting, a highlight of my weekend, for sure, along with decorating the Christmas tree.

On Sunday, we took Eli's first "big car ride" and drove to New Brunswick to see my family for the day. It was about a two hour drive each way and he was excellent. He slept most of the way there and back and only woke up to eat. Breastfeeding in a deserted high school parking lot in Oxford - add that to the ever-growing list of things I thought I'd never do.

I can't believe that Eli's a month old. He's getting great at holding his head up, but he absolutely despises tummy time - after a few minutes he blats and lets me know it's time to flip him back over. He likes swatting at the animals in his "gym", responds to sounds and voices, and focuses on faces. He has fussy spells every couple of days and I lose my mind and feel like dropping him off on the doorstep of a big house in a nice neighbourhood. And then he'll turn around and be the cuddliest, sweetest baby - now with smiles - and I completely melt.

As for me, I feel like a spongy, soft version of myself. People have been very kind in saying I look like I didn't have a baby a month ago, but I definitely don't feel like the old me. I feel like I'm made of mashed potatoes. My stomach is soft...things in general are soft. I'm looking forward to my six-week doctor's appointment and praying I get the green light to exercise. 

Sometimes it feels like we'll never, ever, ever sleep through the night again. Some days I would sell my soul to go to bed at 10 and wake up at 8 and not so much as stir in between. Many times I've caught my reflection in the mirror and realized there was spit-up on my shirt or poop remnants on my jeans from Eli's latest blowout. (The other night, he had an explosive crap when I was feeding him, and some of it got on my pyjama pants, and I just grabbed a baby wipe and WIPED OFF THE POOP AND WENT BACK TO BED IN THE SAME PJ'S - that's how tired I was at the time.)

I'm still getting used to the fact that I'm a mom. I'm adjusting to needing to change my clothes twice a day, not because I've peed my pants, but because someone else has peed them for me. Or, you know, wiping off the visible poop and carrying on. I always feel like I don't quite have my shit together...like I'm operating at about 75%, all the time. And I hate knowing that it's going to be like that for a while. I hate not feeling completely in control.

In spite of all the grossness - the caked-on poop, the crying jags (both Eli's and mine), unexpectedly spraying milk halfway across the room and NOT out of my nose, and generally feeling like tired ass - it's been one of the most rewarding months of my life. One of the hardest, for sure, but as unglamourous and awkward and downright heinous as it can be I love being a mom. I love seeing my little guy growing and developing and being adorable. I like looking in the rearview mirror to see him snoozing away in the back seat. I like his sweet baby smell. I'm trying to make the most of this time when he's so little, when we can cuddle and hang out all day, because I know it'll fly by and I'll wish it back, very, very soon.

Today's Writer's Workshop prompt at Mama Kat's is to look back on what we were blogging about last year at this time and see how it's changed. I'm going to do you one better. I'm going back into the old archives - yes, the Livejournal days - as well as my December posts from this blog to see what's changed in my world.

We're going back in time to when I was a young wee lass of 23. Enjoy! As you can see, I've gotten a lot less...colourful in my posts. Obviously I need to get some of the old sass back. Or not.

December 8, 2004: you know what I love!!

Cramps!!

They are great. I enjoy feeling as though my uterus is being slowly rubbed against a metal cheese grater, it's amazing, can I please have cramps everyday from now on, kthnxbi.

December 8, 2005: i was craving a snowflake donut like you wouldn't even friggin' believe and i went to tim horton's and guess what? bitches didn't have any snowflake donuts. GOD! IDIOTS!
so i had to make do with a chocolate glazed...borrrrrrrrrrring.

December 7, 2006: I fucking hate bake sales. I work with many Martha Stewart-wannabes who can whip up like, cheesecake cranberry pinwheels and seven-layer orgasmic squares every night of the week. As for me, I am a really good cook...I swear, like for making MEALS aka chicken, potatoes, pasta, that sort of thing...but I am currently baking challenged. I really don't have a lot of baking paraphenilia. I own maybe one cookie sheet, one muffin tin and one casseroley-type dish. I don't have a rolling pin or an electric mixer. I believe in cookie dough that comes from a roll and cake mix that comes from a box (although I love making pies from scratch, crust and all). I know, so lazy...whatever...

Anyway, we have this stupid bake sale coming up tomorrow at work to raise money for the food bank or something and everyone is encouraged to bake something, and I was dangerously optimistic and told everyone I would be making fudge. I've been stressing out about it all week. So my mom gave me this fudge recipe, and I made it last night. It smelled and looked awesome but then this morning, when I tried to take it out of the pan it just kept crumbling. I think I got 5 or 6 pieces of fudge cut that weren't falling apart and looking like shit. So in order to assemble my trays of 6 treats, as they had to be packaged, I had to break into the Christmas baking my mom sent to Halifax with me :( I had to give up my homemade shortbread cookies, gumdrop cookies and lemon bread that I was soooo looking forward to eating. *sob*




December 10, 2007: is it unhealthy that when dad says "you need to stop losing weight or you're going to waste away to nothing" i don't feel any concern...i get excited and feel proud? i'm sure it is, but that's how i feel. i like that people can see a difference. i like being able to fit in my jeans from 2002. i never thought i'd wear them again, and am not really sure why i hung onto them, but i feel so accomplished. i hope i can keep this up.


December 4, 2008: Britney Spears needs to have another mental breakdown again, ASAP. Crazy Britney who shaves her head and drops her babies and marries her high school lab partners is so much more fun than Britney who has her shit together. Crazy > Shit Together. Every time!

December 7, 2009: Today I came home to find next month's Glamour (yay!), some crap junk mail that went straight into the garbage, and a Christmas card.

Only the card isn't for me. It's addressed to "Mr. and Mrs. Peter and Amy Peterslastname".

My last name is not Peterslastname. I'm not Mrs. Amy Peterslastname. I'm Ms. Amy Amyslastname.

December 20, 2010: You don't need to push a 10-pound dog out your vagina to acquire it.
You don't need to give up coffee and booze for 9 months when you decide to get one.
You LOSE weight with a new dog (all those walks!) instead of gaining it.

1. What are 3 things that are on your Christmas wishlist?
I have to limit it to three?! New running shoes, Glamour subscription, and books. Honestly coming up with a wish list this year was hard. I really just want to spend lots of time with my family, eat good food, watch some Christmas movies and maaaybe go snowshoeing if Mother Nature cooperates.

2. What’s your favorite Christmas song?
Oh Holy Night for the classics, All I Want for Christmas is You for the pop-tart variety.

3. Do you have a favorite band or singer that sings it especially awesome?
Obviously Mariah kills AIWFCIY (it took me longer to type that acronym than to write out the goddamn song title). I like Kelly Clarkson's rendition of Oh Holy Night but there are tons of great ones!

4. Have you heard about the website goodreads?
Negative.

5. What are 3 books you want to read?
11/22/63, Sarah's Key, The Virgin Cure. Again, limiting it to three is hard.

6. Do you hunt deer?
LOL what? Where the hell did this question come from? Christmas Christmas Christmas ANIMALMURDER Christmas Christmas...

7. Have you started Christmas shopping? Are you completely finished?
I'm almost done Christmas shopping. The only person I have left to buy for is my baby, and since he doesn't know it's Christmas anyway, he's not getting anything. JUST KIDDING CHILD SERVICES! We're hoping to finish his shopping tonight. I also need to shop for the dogs. Rory gets his own stocking and then he gives presents to all the dogs in the family, which means he has to get something for my sister's rabbit too, so she doesn't feel left out, poor Lola. So that's one baby, three dogs, and one rabbit to go.

8. Did you shop on Black Friday? What was the best deal you got?
I shopped online - Gap, Amazon and American Eagle. I got myself this "snood" from AE for 40% off. I had no idea they were called "snoods". And yes, I buy Christmas presents for myself while I shop for others.

9. What’s one holiday tradition your family has?
We open one gift on Christmas Eve. We did this when we were kids, and Peter and I continue it now. We also have a treat of some sort - candy cane ice cream, Bailey's and coffee, shortbread cookies, whatever you fancy - and watch A Christmas Story.

10. How many blogs do you read? Do you subscribe/unsubscribe often or do you purge every once in a while?
I probably read 50-60 regularly and maybe 20 daily, but that varies. Sometimes I'll just sit for hours and click through people's blogrolls to find new reads. Other days I may not look at any blogs. 

Thanks, Roots and Rings for the 10 on Tuesday questions!

Before you have a baby, you hear all sorts of advice from friends, family and complete strangers. People love to offer up their insights on what your life will be like after the little one arrives. Three and a half weeks in, I've found some of their advice to be really helpful, while some of their predictions were way off.

What we heard: "Enjoy your sleep now, because you won't be getting any after the baby comes!"
The truth? I sleep about the same amount now as I did for the entire third trimester, so I don't feel as zombiefied as people made me believe I'd be. For the last three months I was pregnant I'd wake up at 3:00 a.m. every day to make one of my 29357206 daily bathroom trips, but then I'd lay there, tossing and turning until it was time to get up. I got used to operating on reduced sleep every day. Eli typically wakes up twice during the night to eat, which takes about 45 minutes each time, so it's not all that different.

What we heard: "You won't be able to  ___________________ (insert name of activity/outing/personal hygiene here) for a while so get it in before the baby's born!" 
The truth? We've been out to restaurants three times with Eli and he's been zero trouble. We've taken him shopping, avoiding crowded malls and heading to smaller stores instead so he has minimal people coughing and sneezing and shoving around him. Peter and I have both left the house to do our own things and get a break from the baby while the other stays home with Eli. (FYI - it's not called "babysitting" if it's your kid. I hate when women say their husband "babysat" their child so they could go out!) Having a newborn by no means makes you housebound for months. He's actually pretty portable. We also get out for a walk every day for about an hour. The fresh air and exercise is great for both of us. I've had a shower every day, I've worn makeup every day, I've gotten out of my pyjamas every day. Maybe it's just to put on a t-shirt and a pair of leggings but it counts!

What we heard: "Sleep when the baby sleeps!" 
The truth? This is amazing advice and I would repeat it to any new mom. I try to have a nap every day when Eli is asleep and it makes me feel a hundred times better. Even if I can't fall asleep I'll lie down and rest, read, or listen to music and it's so nice to have that little refresher every afternoon.

What we heard: "Let your house get dirty - it doesn't matter." 
The truth? This is kind of true. Things tend to get put off more, but we try hard not to let the house get messy. it's definitely harder to clean when I'm home alone with Eli. When he goes to sleep, I'll give myself a set amount of time each day - half an hour or 45 minutes - and do what I can in that time frame. It's enough time to unload the dishwasher, put laundry in and Swiffer or dust a few rooms; basically to do damage control so things look presentable enough, which is the goal. This isn't the time for a white-glove test, but if everything looks relatively neat and tidy I'm happy. There are times when you just can't clean, and that's OK. Last week Eli had a growth spurt and wanted to eat constantly. When he wasn't eating, he was being fussy or getting his diaper changed. I was frustrated because I wasn't getting anything done and had to try to remember that looking after the baby is my "job" right now and takes priority over everything else.

What we heard: "You won't eat a homecooked meal for a while so fill up your freezer before the baby's born and collect all the takeout menus you can!" 
The truth? Our eating habits haven't changed at all. Eli goes in his swing and we make dinner and eat it together, and I have my breakfast and lunch while he naps or hangs out nearby. I was freaked out because I didn't follow the pregnancy books' advice to cook and freeze a month's worth of casseroles and soups, but we haven't starved to death just yet. That said, we did get some meals and snacks from family and friends which were a huge help. The saddest meal I've had since he was born was eating cereal for lunch one day, which, if you know me, is not actually that sad at all. I love me some cereal any time of day. Other quick, easy and fairly nutritious meals we've been eating are things like frozen veggie pizzas, soups, stirfry, chicken breasts or tilapia fillets, and sandwiches toasted in the panini press.

Overall having a newborn has been easier in a lot of ways than I was expecting. Eli takes a lot of time and is a lot of work but the first two weeks were the hardest, for sure. Now we're getting better at deciphering his fussy spells, knowing how he likes to be cuddled and anticipating what he needs before he gets completely pissed off. We're a lot quicker at things like getting him changed and dressed and getting out the door with him. The first time we tried to take him somewhere it took us about an hour and a half to leave the house - we're a lot more efficient now. I'm also fine with feeding him in the car and changing him just about anywhere.

We're still noob parents for sure, but one of the best pieces of advice we got is "it gets easier". So far, that seems to be the truth!

Today's Writer's Workshop prompt at Mama Kat's blog is Five Things. List 5 things we don’t know about you, 5 things you’re knowledgeable about, 5 things you know nothing about, and 5 things you believe.

Five things you may not know about me: 

1. I used to dye my hair blonde but stopped because it was so damaging and drying. Now I refuse to dye it until I have to - i.e. when it turns white.

2. I entered a national writing contest in grade two. I pretty much plagiarized an Amelia Bedelia book and changed the main character's name to Jenny Quimby. Needless to say, I didn't win.

3. My first detention was for eating in the hall in grade five. I remember sitting in the cafeteria surrounded by riff-raff kids from grades seven and eight who were probably in there for things like smoking hash or beating up old ladies and feeling equal parts terrified and badass.

4. My great-grandfather was an Orangeman. I don't know much about the group but supposedly he had a tattoo on his chest that turned white when he died.

5. I haven't eaten a hot dog since I was five. I ate a hot dog at a barbecue and barfed it up later in the bathtub, then screamed because I thought I had thrown up my tongue. And that was the end of my love for processed meats.

Five things I'm knowledgeable about: 

1. Song lyrics - especially songs from the 90s. Growing up in a house with no cable meant that when I went storming off to my bedroom to sulk and have emo fits, I'd end up listening to the radio for hours on end and as a result, I know a lot of lyrics.

2. Saving money. I subscribe to email coupon offers at my favourite stores, downloaded the Michael's app for daily coupons and deals, and pretty much never buy anything that's not on sale.

3. Grammar and spelling. I studied journalism so my CP Stylebook was my best friend for a few years. I have always been a stickler for spelling and punctuation.

4. Calorie counts. A few years ago I used the calorie and fitness tracker on Sparkpeople to lose about 25 pounds. Years later, the calorie value of lots of foods is still ingrained in my brain. I could probably guesstimate how much I eat every day correctly within 100 calories without using the site.

5. Baking salted chocolate chip cookies. Of all the things I bake that's the recipe I seem to have the best luck with!

Five things I know nothing about: 

1. Making curry from scratch. Thank God for President's Choice bottled curry sauce so I can get my spicy fix with no effort :)

2. Knitting. Just can't do it. I've tried and I suck at it.

3. Arranging flowers in a vase. Some people have the knack for this and I'm not one of them.

4. Anything to do with finance. Income tax stuff is way over my head. I don't understand our mortgage, besides the fact that we need to pay X number of dollars every two weeks. I don't get interest rates or investing. I have an RRSP but I don't totally know what I'm supposed to do except dump money in it from time to time. I'm not interested in it and it's boring. NEXT!

5. British humour. Like Monty Python and that sort of thing...is it supposed to be funny? I'm never sure if I'm supposed to laugh.

Five things I believe: 

1. I believe in taking a few minutes for yourself every single day.

2. I believe in ghosts.

3. I believe that anytime before noon is too early for Diet Coke but it's never too early for alcohol, if it's your birthday or Christmastime or St. Patrick's Day or brunch.

4. I believe in treating others the way you would like to be treated.

5. I believe in letting go of grudges. Life is way too short to be so petty, and when has anybody ever felt proud or accomplished about staying pissed off at someone for ages? Letting it go feels so much better. 

Thanks Roots and Rings for the Ten on Tuesday questions!


1. Do you wear glasses, contacts, or are you one of those perfect eyed people?
I wear glasses for driving, watching TV and movies and working on the computer. I have three pairs...one in the car, one in the TV room and one that moves around the house with me. I don't love wearing glasses and I think I look better without them, but the idea of touching my eyes to put contacts in freaks me out.

2. What is the next item you are going to purchase?
Groceries in about 10 minutes. Exciting, huh? The next nonessential item I'm going to purchase will probably end up being a Christmas gift or a Starbucks peppermint mocha, since that seems to be all I buy these days.

3. Have you ever watched Judge Judy or any other real court show?
I've had Judge Judy on in the background but never really paid attention. Her voice is annoying and the dirtbags on the show are too stupid to be entertaining.

4. How do you feel about fake nails?
I've had them before and hated them! I like having short, tidy nails that don't get in the way when I'm typing. I hate the way fake nails look when they come off.

5. What is your favorite sport to watch?
Hockey and baseball. I like watching football but not so much on TV. It's a lot more fun to be at the game. I guess that goes for any sport, but especially football.

6. If you could create your own Ben & Jerry’s ice cream flavor, what would it be and what would it be named?
I've never eaten Ben & Jerry's. Is that sad? I love chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream and Reese's Pieces so some combination of that would be bomb.com. Or maybe that already exists. Either way, get in ma belly.

7. Do you have any scars?
I have one on my knee from an unfortunate bike mishap when I was 10. It definitely needed stitches. My mom wasn't home at the time and my dad decided he could treat it himself. I very clearly remember us picking gravel out of this gaping wound and then him pouring peroxide in it to clean it out. Good times.



8. Does your pet’s name fit them? Is there a more appropriate name?
Rory's name definitely suits him. We were also considering Frankie for a name when we got him, which would have been just wrong.

9. What is your favorite television show theme song?
Fresh Prince!

10. What was your favorite activity on the playground?
In elementary school we had something called "The Equipment" which now just sounds oddly sexual. It was one of those huge wooden play structures with a couple slides coming off it, some chains you could climb, etc. I used to looooove The Equipment. It's probably been torn down now because I don't think it was totally safe. At lunch hour that thing was like an anthill just teeming with violent, misbehaving children.

The Breastfeeding Nazis are alive and well in Halifax. At our local children's hospital, "breast is best" posters and literature plaster the halls and the rooms. Public health prenatal classes are heavy on the benefits of breastfeeding as well as the supposed disadvantages of feeding babies formula.  During one class we actually had the nurse tell us the story of one poor mother who spent the first six weeks of her baby's life trying in vain to breastfeed unsuccessfully to the point that she was awake pretty much 24/7, in tears all the time, exhausted and wiped out. "But she didn't give up!" the nurse crowed, like it was a good thing. I decided right then that I would try breastfeeding, but if it didn't work out, I'd have no problem switching to formula. No way were my child and I going to suffer for weeks, too stubborn to switch to formula or even to supplement with it. I know breastfeeding is hard for a lot of women and impossible for many and I made a vow to not get upset if it wasn't the right choice for us.

To be honest (and this is going to make me sound like the shittiest parent alive), I was mostly interested in breastfeeding because it's free. That's right. It wasn't about the bonding experience, the antibodies and nutrition Eli would be getting from my milk, the baby weight I'd supposedly lose much more quickly if I nursed - I was excited about the prospect of not having an addition to our grocery bill. Feel free to call child services.

I anticipated nursing to be painful, torturous, and unsuccessful. I fully expected us to be feeding our baby formula just a few short days in. In a pleasant (albeit slightly painful) turn of events, Eli took to it right away and as soon as my milk "came in" he's been nursing exclusively.

Add breastfeeding to the list of Things I Never Thought I'd Do In A Million Years. I have never pictured myself with a baby hanging off my boob. I've never really even thought they were functional, and I always thought the act itself was kind of gross and too hippie for me.

Breastfeeding isn't a picnic. It hurts - especially in the beginning as you're getting the hang of it. Even once you've got the technique down it still isn't super fun to have a small human attempting to suck all of your innards out through your nips. Add a few leaks and occasionally feeling like a dairy cow into the mix and that more or less sums it up.

But it's not terrible either. I like having some quiet time with Eli (you can't scream if your mouth's full of boob, after all.) He makes the most adorable faces when he's eating and I want to take pictures of him but, yanno, TIT. So I don't. I suppose I could edit over them with, like, Wal-Mart smiley faces, but I have better things to do with my 10 minutes of free time per day than crop my boobs out of photos.

This is definitely not meant to be a "breast is best" post. Whatever works for you is best. If your baby is thriving on formula, give 'er! A good formula experience is definitely better than a bad breast experience. If breastfeeding is a success, that's great too. If breastfeeding is a success but you hate doing it, there's no shame in switching to bottles. The most important thing is that baby's getting enough to eat and you are maintaining some level of sanity getting him there. I've already told Eli that as soon as he gets teeth, he can kiss these mammaries goodbye. (Yeah, I know, if they have a proper latch they don't bite you - this is not a chance I'm willing to take).

Seven paragraphs talking about my boobs. Internet, you're welcome. Here are some non-tata related pictures of the boy from today to make up for all the boob talk.  I'm sorry. Next Monday won't be so awkward.





*In an effort to not get too-too babylicious up in hurr, I'm going to be dedicating Monday's posts from now on to all things mamahood. Surely once a week isn't too much to brag about my handsome honey badger and wax poetic on being a new mama. And if it is, don't come around on Mondays! Piece of cake!

Eli, our little honey badger, how are you two weeks old already? The past 14 days have flown by.

We love you more every day, little man. (Or maybe not so little. Porky McChubberson tipped the scales at 8lb 1oz today - our beefcake is really bulking up.)

Peter: "Set an alarm for three hours from now."
Siri: "OK. Your alarm has been set for 3 p.m."
Peter: "Cancel that..."
Siri: "Alarm has been canceled. Now we can all get some sleep."

Peter and I: hysterical laughter

Siri, you sarcastic whorebot.

Santa, I have been very good this year! Let me make my case a bit:

• I volunteered at the Canada Games
• I had a baby
• I went to church voluntarily on non-holiday Sundays
• I donated clothes to good causes

If that doesn't merit a visit from St. Nick, I don't even know what to do next year.

My Christmas wish list is as follows:

1. New running shoes. Eventually, I will make my slow, clunky and uncoordinated return to the gym, and when I do I'm going to need new sneaks to get me there. Preferably ones that work with my Nike+.
2. While we're at it, some new workout gear (t-shirts and capri leggings) would be great too. It's hard to get excited about working out in public when you're alternating between a sweat-stained T-shirt that says "Bust A Move" and a Presidente one from our last trip to Punta Cana.
3. New everyday clothes that don't need to fit over a beach ball. I just put on a pair of pre-Eli jeans yesterday and buttoned them up with no Bella Band required. I may have cried a tear or two of happiness. It's so nice to not need to dress like I am a tent anymore.
4. Clinique products - specifically Dramatically Different lotion and an All About Eyes eye roller ball. That thing works wonders on tired, puffy eyes! I've used Dramatically Different for years and it's my favourite moisturizer.
5. Books - there are a few that I'd like. Q&A A Day: A Five-Year Journal looks intriguing. I'm also curious about 11/22/63.
6. A Pandora charm for my bracelet. The last one I added was the "pea in a pod" charm back when I found out I was pregnant with Eli in March. It would be nice to have a new one to commemorate the little guy's arrival. 
7. A steam mop. Cleaning supplies for Christmas? Who the hell am I?! I love the fact that it uses water to clean the floors, not harsh chemicals or pricey products, and that it cleans a variety of surfaces (hardwood, tile, laminate - all stuff we have in our home). It would be safe for both baby and dog and might even encourage me to clean the floors more than twice a year.
8. A Glamour magazine subscription. Getting a magazine in the mail is something I look forward to every month and Glamour has been my favourite for years.
9. A new day planner. Specifically, an Erin Condren life planner would make me a happy and organized girl all year long.
10. Friday Night Lights Season 4 on DVD. Clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose.

Gotta get get.

What's on your wish list this year?

I promised myself months ago that when the baby was born, this wouldn't become a full-on mommy blog, and it's not going to. But the past week has been devoted to welcoming our little man, getting used to one another, and falling more and more in love with Eli. I really have nothing else to talk about this week. Next week, maybe.

I cannot believe Eli is a week old already. The past seven days have flown by. It feels like we do very little all day - nap, feed, change diapers, take paparazzi shots of the baby - and bam! it's bedtime. In spite of feeling like I'm doing nothing, time is flying. I feel like he's already noticeably bigger and that his looks are changing.

A lot of this whole mamahood thing is easier than I'd expected. Getting up three times a night to feed Eli hasn't been the hellish ordeal I'd assumed it would be, probably because weeks of pregnancy insomnia prepared me for sleepless nights. We wake up every three hours, feed him and go back to sleep, and it ain't no thang. When I'm feeding him I go online on my iPod, check emails and Twitter, play music for us and chat to Pete and before I know it we're all done.

I had never changed a diaper in my life, never dressed a baby...in fact, I had barely held a baby. I'd been worried it would feel unnatural and awkward, but it hasn't. I'm grateful for that. 

There are a few things that are harder than I'd anticipated. Recovery, for one. I seem to have skipped the chapter on mama's physical recovery from birth, and went straight from labour and delivery to caring for baby. I was totally unprepared for how I'd feel. Stitches blow - I'll leave it at that. I'm so anxious to get back to normal, going to the gym, taking long walks with the baby, and the recovery period is frustrating and feels long, even though it's only been a week so far and I could have a while longer before I'm feeling 100%.


I'm excited about feeling better, but mostly I'm excited about all the things we'll be able to do over the next few weeks. Taking him for fall walks in the park. Getting him a Christmas stocking and a special ornament for the tree. Picking out a picture for our Christmas card. His first smiles and giggles. Shopping for new outfits for him - now that we know he's a boy we don't need to stick to gender-neutral stuff anymore. Filling in the blanks in his baby book.

Here's our little beefcake's one week photo - he brushed his hair just for the Internet. He's a very dapper little gentleman.

Eli Alexander surprised us all when he arrived right on his due date - November 10 at 3:35 a.m. He weighed 7lb, 3.5oz, and was 20 inches long. He's got TONS of dark hair...we're talking baby toupee style. He has huge grey eyes, big hands and the most perfect teeny toes.



He might have his dad's hair and eyes but he has mama's appreciation for deadlines and efficiency. At 6:00 we were eating poutine at home. At 7:00 my water broke at the hospital. The first time I was checked for dilation I was 3cm...the next time they checked me I was a 10cm. And so on and so forth, all night long. Mr. Eli isn't a big time waster. When there's a job to do, he gets it done.


We've been home a few days now and are still getting into the routine of having another little man around the house, but everyone's been adjusting well. Eli is a champion eater and sleeper, which makes things easier. Peter has been absolutely perfect and even Rory is pretty happy with his new baby brother.


I'll get into more details on the birth story in another post, but for now I'll say that even with being tired and sore and having multiple moments every day where I stop and think "I can't believe I'm actually (insert name of baby-related task here)", this is the happiest I've ever been. I love being a mom and I absolutely adore Eli. People had told me about the kind of instant, intense, unconditional love you feel when you have a baby of your own, but it's something I can't explain. I feel lucky and so, so blessed.

There are a few simple skills I would like to master,  but no matter how hard I try I can't seem to get the hang of them:

• The art of applying eyeliner. I feel like I have weird eyes or something, because when I try to replicate what looks hot and effortless on EVERYONE ELSE I end up looking like a raccoon with an allergy problem. I can do the upper lash line of my right eye, no problem. When I try to do my left eye the line gets all crazy and crooked. Then I don't know what to do with the bottoms. Inside the rims? Outside? Why is it smudging? Why does it make me look so tired and haggard? Why does everyone make it look so easy? No one has ever taught me to apply eye makeup correctly so I'm like a lost baby in the woods. I usually just end up wearing lots of mascara, which is like frozen pizza: impossible to eff up.
• Getting my hair to hold a curl. I have straight, thick hair and it doesn't like to curl. I even invested in a fancy curling iron but all I seem to be able to do is get the ends to flip up. Am I holding it wrong? Wrapping it wrong? Do I need to be using product? Should I just give up? 
• Painting baseboards and trim. I can use all the painter's tape in the world and it still looks like our trim was painted by high children. Solution: Install wider, pre-painted trim.
• Making perfect scrambled eggs. I know that the secret is to cook them over a low heat and they turn out perfectly fluffy and pro. I get alllllllmost to that point - and then I get impatient and crank the heat. And the eggs end up browning. So we've waited 35 minutes for meh eggs. Not worth it.
• Driving a standard. I've tried and failed. I have shed many tears over my inability to drive a standard, especially when I look around and see complete idiots doing it left, right and centre. My problem is letting the clutch out too quickly and stalling the car every single time. Well, I have places to go and I don't have an hour to sit around letting my clutch out all day. 

What supposedly "easy" tasks do you find impossible? 

39 weeks 4 days. HOLAAAY!

There are now THREE DAYS until our due date, November 10. THREE DAYS!! The full moon happens to fall on our due date, too. According to my great-uncle Floyd, who has seen probably hundreds of cows give birth to calves on full moons, I'm definitely going to have the baby that day. (Humans and cows operate much the same way, apparently, at least when it comes to birth.)

A strange thing happened over the weekend. My anxiety and fear has all but disappeared and has been replaced by kind of an eerie calm. It's like my brain has finally accepted that this baby is coming, so I better suck it up and get used to the idea. I'm still not experiencing any big panic to get to the hospital but at least now I'm OK with going when it's time.

I LOVE the anticipation of wondering whether it's a boy or a girl in there and I've got to say I'm so happy we didn't find out at our ultrasound...it's going to be an amazing surprise!

Knowing that there's a very good chance this was our last baby-free weekend, we crammed in as much "we" time as possible over the past couple days. We went Christmas shopping, had dinner with friends, went out for breakfast, and spent a lot of time with Rory, walking him and taking him to the football field near our house for a good game of fetch-the-stick. I caught up on episodes of America's Next Top Model and Glee and made a whole bunch of crafts I've seen on Pinterest, and Peter played his Gears of Duty Halo 3 or whatever the kids on Xbox are into these days. We had a movie date and got Starbucks and went to the gym twice. We spent some time just enjoying being at home, hanging out, comfortable, quiet.

It was weird thinking that this could be the last time we go see a movie without having to get a babysitter, or the last time we go to the mall without a stroller. At breakfast, we saw couples eating with their babies in car seats next to them, and it was surreal thinking that next time we go out for breakfast we could be doing the same. Things are about to change so much. I don't think you can actually fully prepare. I think we're as ready as we're going to get.

Any day now, baby! Come on out whenever you like.

How Far Along: 39 weeks and four days.

Size of baby: The size of a watermelon. I'm hoping a smallish watermelon.

Total Weight Gain: As of last week's appointment I'm up between 15-17lb. I can't wait to get back to normal.

Maternity Clothes: The whole pregnancy, I only bought two pieces of maternity clothing: a dress and a blouse. I have been wearing my old jeans with my Bella Band along with leggings and long cardigans. The "shirt" I'm wearing in my picture is actually a dress... What sucks is it's getting colder and none of my coats fasten over my belly. Luckily the weather this week is forecast to be pretty mild so hopefully by the time the really wintery stuff comes I can wear my coats again.

Gender: Mystery! I have no inclinations one way or the other.

Movement: Still a big mover. The other night my stomach was like a family of raccoons trapped in a blanket. It was actually painful.

Cravings/Aversions: Nothing specific.

Labor Signs: I don't know if I'm having false contractions, Braxton Hicks, or if I just need to go to the bathroom. They all feel the same.

What I miss: Sleeping on my back and belly. Being able to pick something up off the floor without strategizing on ways to avoid bending over first. Running and lifting weights. Wine. Eggs benedict. Being able to fasten my pants. Being able to sleep between the hours of 3:00 and 6:00 AM.

What I'm looking forward to: Meeting our little beastie, finding out if it's a he or a she, not looking like a gargantuan whale, going for a super long run, gorging myself on soft-poached eggs and Brie cheese, Christmas time with our little family.

I've posted here about my efforts recently to save money and be as cheap financially responsible as possible while I'm on mat leave. I've signed up for a number of deal-finding sites and as a result I get half a dozen emails every morning for 80% off microdermabrasion and teeth whitening. HOW WHITE CAN YOUR TEETH POSSIBLY BECOME? HOW MUCH SKIN CAN YOU ACTUALLY BUFF AWAY? Even for 80% off?

When I was asked to check out couponpromocode.ca, I couldn't help be a leeeetle bit skeptical at first. But after spending some time browsing around, I realized it's a useful tool and totally unlike the Groupons of the world. If you enjoy online shopping (who doesn't?), it's a great resource that scours online coupons and promotional codes and posts them daily. Before you purchase something online, check out this site and if there's a valid promotion ongoing, you can snag the code to plug in at checkout.

The site is organized both by coupon category (books, electronics, fashion, travel etc.) and with alphabetical store listings, so whether you're looking for a specific item from a particular store or just browsing, it's easy to find promo codes you're interested in. Feature codes are also highlighted on the homepage and in the blog.

After browsing the promo codes currently available, some of the deals that caught my eye included:

• Free custom iPod engraving from the Apple store. 
• Extra 30% off sale items at jcrew.com.
• 20% off Porter flights.
• $25 off Travelocity hotel bookings.

There's also a "free stuff" tab where you can sign up to receive free samples of all sorts of goodies: laundry detergent, light bulbs, gum, photo prints and more. 

The only thing I didn't love about the site is that a lot of expired promo codes are still being displayed, so you need to make sure to check the dates of the coupon before you get too excited. But overall, it's worth your while to take the extra minute or two before making an online purchase to check this site - you could be eligible for free shipping, a bonus gift, or additional savings. Well worth it!

What would I do without Pinterest? Well, I wouldn't be having this for dinner tonight, and I wouldn't have spent 20 minutes yesterday making an infinity scarf out of an old T-shirt I was planning on throwing away anyway. When I found this DIY scarf tutorial promising no knitting or sewing skills required, I decided to give it a try. I have had a hankering for an infinity scarf for ages, but can't knit or sew to save my life. But I can cut a T-shirt into strips!

I recently cleaned out my closet and this revolting old Joe Fresh T-shirt was slated for the bin. Honestly, who buys a hunter orange 3/4 sleeve T-shirt? This is called "impulse buying from the super-sale-clearance rack." I wore this abomination once: to paint the house. I think it was $5 though so no biggie.

I decided to try to repurpose it instead of throwing it out, because orange is kind of fun for fall, after all. Here's how you do:

1. Lay your T-shirt out flat and cut off the bottom hem.


2. Start cutting it into 1" - 1 1/2" horizontal strips.


3. Keep going until you reach the armpit, or in my case, the bottom of the v-neck.






4. Once you're done, stretch all your strips out wide. The edges are supposed to curl up. I used a ribbed t-shirt so I didn't get the best curl-age. Next time I'll try a plain jersey T for better results, but here are my stretched-out strips.


5. Next, you can twist, braid, weave, mix colours, whatever you want to do to your little heart's content. I kind of twisted my strips up and used a little piece of the cutoff hem to secure them - just tied it in a knot around the strips.


6. Annnnd you're done! Here is the finished product - long enough to loop around twice.


As mentioned above, next time I'd use a plain, unribbed shirt to get curlier strips. And the bigger the shirt you use, the longer your scarf will be. I'll be scouring my drawers again looking for big, fugly T-shirts that are ready for the old heave-ho. I might ransack my husband's drawers too. Shhh.

Easiest scarf ever - 20 minutes and you're done!

Edit: Hubby threw away a white T-shirt and I snatched it out of the garbage to make another scarf. This was an unribbed shirt and it worked much better - it got a lot loopier, and since it's bigger it makes for a longer scarf. Now I totally want to go to Frenchy's and buy a hundred old men's T-shirts and make scarves all day and night. 

38 and a half weeks. That smile? FAKE.

We're at 38+ weeks now, with less than two weeks to go until our due date on November 10.

In related amazing news, my doctor is going away to Australia and China for the next two weeks, and the doctor she referred me to is also going to be away from November 2-8, so if the baby is born between those dates, I guess we'll just have a taxi driver or Sobeys cashier or a Starbucks barista deliver him or her, since ALL OF THE DOCTORS ARE GONE!! NO BIG DEAL!!

I haven't been experiencing the "ZOMG get this baby out of me now" feelings that many moms-to-be report having. Quite the opposite, in fact.

I'm absolutely petrified of labour and delivery and am having trouble coming to terms with the fact that I will actually be participating in this act in less than a fortnight (I have always wanted to throw out a gratuitous use of the word "fortnight", so I can now cross that off my life list.) I cannot and will not accept the fact that I'm about to have a baby. Does. Not. Compute. It just doesn't feel like it's happening to me. Even typing the words "I am going to give birth within the next two weeks" or saying it out loud doesn't make sense. It's like I'm typing "I am a polar bear". I understand what it means, but it doesn't apply to me.

As far-fetched as it sounds, I've kind of put the actual birthing out of my mind for the past nine months, like, "oh, that's something that happens to other women" and skipped off to watch Gossip Girl and eat Skinny Cow ice cream sandwiches, assuming that science would come up with a better way to get a baby out of its mother's body by the time when my turn rolled around since everything else was going so swimmingly. Well, thanks for nothing, David Suzuki.  

I've known that the baby is coming - I just haven't given any thought as to how it's going to get here. And now it's like: whoa. You want me to push what through where? Wait, what? Did I agree to this? Was I on drugs? Can I change my mind? I feel like I've been tricked.

Now that it's roughly 10-ish days, max, until I'm actually going to expel a human being from my hidey-hole, shit is getting super real. I've been doing things like sitting with my legs tightly crossed and elevated so that gravity keeps the baby from trying to make tracks for the escape hatch. Seriously. Because that's a legitimate way to prevent birth from happening.

Fear: I haz it. I have never been so scared in my entire life.

Let's all join hands and pray that the drugs work. And that the Starbucks baristas are skilled at administering epidurals. Amen!

I'm having trouble lately forming coherent thoughts and full sentences, let alone articulating them, which means you get a good old fashioned bulleted list today!

Zombie pumpkin! (and $8 mystery squash. WTF! For that price its seeds should have been solid gold)

Vampire pumpkin!

• We carved pumpkins on Wednesday evening and are roasting the seeds for snacky goodness this weekend. Hubby says I "cheated" because I used props and didn't actually hollow out my pumpkins. Well, if that counts as cheating, just call me Tiger Woods.
• We are 38 weeks pregnant now. There are currently 13 days until my due date. Keep calm and carry on... I'll take a new belly pic over the weekend unless this baby actually succeeds in ripping its way through my belly button, which I'm pretty sure is what s/he's been working on the past week or two. 
• I'm taking a photography class tonight so I can learn how to use my new camera properly. Very excited to get to play around with my new toy on something other than the auto settings!
• I bought a few Christmas presents this morning. Just a couple little things, but it makes me feel like I've made some progress! I've also made two Christmas ornaments while watching 90210. (These are the things that start happening when you have to stop working a month and a half early. You watch 90210, make Christmas ornaments and organize your nail polishes by brand, colour, and finish. It happens)
• We installed a rearview baby mirror and window shades in my car this morning. It's officially looking like a creepy mom-mobile. I refuse to get a 'baby on board' decal. 
• We've been watching season 1 of The Walking Dead on Netflix (season 2 just started on AMC) and it's a great show. I'm not usually big on zombies, vampires and the undead in general...I like my TV characters alive and thriving for the most part. But this show is fantastic. And so so gory. Peter won't even eat chicken wings when we watch it, that's how grotesque it is. And he can eat through anything.
• Rory has been such a good dog lately. He's never "bad", he just has a lot of puppy energy, but he's morphed overnight into a very calm and well behaved dog. I don't know if he's maturing, if he senses something weird's about to happen with the baby coming, or what but it's been great.
• We were really hoping to have another movie date before the bambino arrives and cramps our style but the movies that are out right now look pretty craptacular and I don't want to spend $40 on tickets and snacks to see some mediocre and unentertaining shit. If anyone has seen anything good over the past week or so, please let me know, so these wild and crazy kids can have a date night at the movies.

Last week's Writer's Workshop prompt was to list 22 things I've never done. This week we're patting ourselves on the back with 22 things we have accomplished. Here goes!

1.Won a colouring contest when I was five - by cheating. My dad coloured in the entire sky and half the grass because my hand was "sore from too much colouring". Not sure how they couldn't tell a five-year-old hadn't finished the picture, but guess who won a giant pink stuffed rabbit? 
2. Been on the national news (Canada Day in Charlottetown several years ago. I was in a crowd but you could definitely see me. I may have been drunk and I may have done the shocker)
3. Ridden in a hot air balloon in grade 9.
4. Had a concussion in grade 3 - a gym class gymnastics mishap.
5. Was a bridesmaid (x3) 2008 and 2010.
6. Quit a job (x2)
7. Been laid off - it's the shits!
8. Shoplifted - a long, long time ago.
9. Dyed my hair red accidentally. Cried for days. Haven't touched it since.
10. Fallen down in front of a large group of people...my middle school in fact, while getting off the bus one slippery winter day. Nothing like falling in front of 400 kids at 8:00 am to get your day off to a fantastic start and ensure you have no friends for at least two weeks.
11. Went tidal bore rafting.
12. Hiked in the Grand Canyon last year.
13. Fainted in public - a few times, actually. It's happened at school, at the waterfowl park and at a client meeting.
14. Fallen asleep at work. I was deadly hungover. And this was a few years ago. Obviously I'm much more polished and professional now. Obviously.
15. Given people a fake phone number. Sometimes creeps won't take no for an answer.
16. Been stung by a jellyfish. Not fun!
17. Worked at McDonald's - Grade 10-12.
18. Pretended to like something to impress a boy, i.e. the San Jose Sharks in grade 9...whaaaat?! 
19. Was a member of student council throughout high school.
20. Was a victim of credit card fraud - this just happened a couple weeks ago.
21. Was in a car accident and wrote off my car. I wasn't at fault though. Bitch, please.
22. Was waved at by the Queen as a small child. I don't remember it but apparently it was quite the big deal.

Thanks to Mama Kat for the weekly Writer's Workshop prompts!

First off, high-five for being a good baby and staying put this long. You scared us a few weeks ago, when we thought you were going to make your grand entrance two months early, but you've settled down nicely after that little outburst and we're all very relieved and happy you've decided to behave. With the exception of that fiasco, you've been an excellent baby, so we'll let that little episode slide.

You're officially full term now, which means you can arrive safely anytime. We're OK with waiting a couple more weeks to meet you, though. As massive and awkward as mama might be feeling these days, and as excited as we are to see you, we like having this time to get good and ready for you to join us. We've been taking lots of walks and doing a lot of talking and trying to get as prepared as we can to be your mom and dad.

But when you do get here, I think we're finally ready for you, at least as ready as we'll ever be. Your room is ready, your bassinet is put together, your car seat  is in the back of my car, all set to bring you home from the hospital. Your clothes and blankets are washed and put away and your hospital bag is packed up with your tiny diapers and the sweet little outfit we picked out for you to wear home from the hospital. We've watched videos on how to swaddle you, bathe you, diaper you, dress you. To be honest, mom and dad are pretty clueless but we hope we'll get the hang of this thing quickly, and we're going to do our best.

You're still a mover and shaker. You love kicking me on the left side and sticking out your badonkadonk caboose on the right. When I wake up in the middle of the night (every night) you're usually in the middle of a little solo dance party in there. If you aren't, all it takes is for me to roll over in bed and you're awake and kicking up a storm. You're a party animal! You love listening and dancing to music and you have questionable taste in tunes, so it looks like you've inherited at least one thing from your mama. At least I'll have someone to listen to Glee soundtracks, Britney and Jay-Z with day in and day out.

Not gonna lie, baby. I'm pumped to not look like I've swallowed a beach ball soon. But that being said, I'm going to miss carrying you around all day. We've been hanging out 24/7 for nine months now, and I've come to love having my little buddy with me all the time. I'll miss feeling your kicks and punches, rubbing your bum and footies, and laughing at your hiccups. I'll miss knowing you're snug and warm and safe. I think I'm going to feel a little bit empty after you're born. Even before I could feel you moving around, I'd talk to you. When we were stuck in traffic we'd make fun of weird looking people. We'd read you bedtime books and tell you we loved you.

When we found out you were going to join us, way back in March, we couldn't believe our luck. We jumped up and down and I cried, we were so excited. And we've been excited ever since. We're scared and nervous but most of all, we can't wait to meet you.

We wonder every day: will you be a boy or a girl? Who will you look like? Will you have hair? Brown eyes and curly hair like dad or green eyes and straight hair like me? Will you be shy or outgoing? Will you love to run around and be crazy or will you want to sit still and colour and read?

We worry: will you like us? Will we do a good job looking after you? Will you be happy? Will we be able to give you what you need?

One thing is for sure - you're already a very loved little person. We can't wait to see you soon.

xoxo
Mama

This has nothing to do with fall decorating but it's my good looking boy. Isn't he handsome?

Painted spots and stripes on a bunch of mini pumpkins.

Centrepieces for the dining room table = candlesticks with mini pumpkins and more fake berries. Easy peasy.

Thanks Pinterest for this super easy idea - add candy corn and a tealight to glass vases. PS: Candy corn tastes like ass.

I didn't make this guy - my mom did. She's craftier than me. He hangs on the back of our front door.

I made this wreath - grapevine, felt rosettes and fake berries. It's hanging on our kitchen door.