, , ,

38 weeks: "You want me to push what out of my what??" edition

Monday, October 31, 2011

38 and a half weeks. That smile? FAKE.
We're at 38+ weeks now, with less than two weeks to go until our due date on November 10.

In related amazing news, my doctor is going away to Australia and China for the next two weeks, and the doctor she referred me to is also going to be away from November 2-8, so if the baby is born between those dates, I guess we'll just have a taxi driver or Sobeys cashier or a Starbucks barista deliver him or her, since ALL OF THE DOCTORS ARE GONE!! NO BIG DEAL!!

I haven't been experiencing the "ZOMG get this baby out of me now" feelings that many moms-to-be report having. Quite the opposite, in fact.

I'm absolutely petrified of labour and delivery and am having trouble coming to terms with the fact that I will actually be participating in this act in less than a fortnight (I have always wanted to throw out a gratuitous use of the word "fortnight", so I can now cross that off my life list.) I cannot and will not accept the fact that I'm about to have a baby. Does. Not. Compute. It just doesn't feel like it's happening to me. Even typing the words "I am going to give birth within the next two weeks" or saying it out loud doesn't make sense. It's like I'm typing "I am a polar bear". I understand what it means, but it doesn't apply to me.

As far-fetched as it sounds, I've kind of put the actual birthing out of my mind for the past nine months, like, "oh, that's something that happens to other women" and skipped off to watch Gossip Girl and eat Skinny Cow ice cream sandwiches, assuming that science would come up with a better way to get a baby out of its mother's body by the time when my turn rolled around since everything else was going so swimmingly. Well, thanks for nothing, David Suzuki.  

I've known that the baby is coming - I just haven't given any thought as to how it's going to get here. And now it's like: whoa. You want me to push what through where? Wait, what? Did I agree to this? Was I on drugs? Can I change my mind? I feel like I've been tricked.

Now that it's roughly 10-ish days, max, until I'm actually going to expel a human being from my hidey-hole, shit is getting super real. I've been doing things like sitting with my legs tightly crossed and elevated so that gravity keeps the baby from trying to make tracks for the escape hatch. Seriously. Because that's a legitimate way to prevent birth from happening.

Fear: I haz it. I have never been so scared in my entire life.

Let's all join hands and pray that the drugs work. And that the Starbucks baristas are skilled at administering epidurals. Amen!

You Might Also Like


  1. Hahahaa, you crack me up. That is so going to be me when I am in your shoes. But no foolin' (yeah I said it), you're gonna be fiiiine. Especially if you're planning on getting assistance from le drugs. I've heard/read a million birth stories and the one thing they all have in common is the mamas saying no amount of pain can compare to the pleasure of meeting your baby. It's going to be so amazing!

  2. I feel exactly the same way! I am terrified!! Today is my due date & the days leading up to it approaching, something in my brain keeps telling me that it's not really happening & I can't do this. Well here I am at 40 weeks with Braxton Hicks & trying to pretend they are not increasing in frequency.

    Last weekend we had (what we thought) was a close call - my back was aching, I had the runs & I thought this was definitely labor & started to panic, telling my husband I didn't want to talk about it, no he cannot put the hospital bag in the car & no I do not want to go to the hospital. It was extreme denial & fear. I hope I got that out of my system because ready or not - my baby will be here by Friday (induction scheduled)...woooosaaaaaaa.

  3. Here's the thing: it's pain with a purpose. And I know that doesn't mean much because you've yet to experience it, but if you keep reminding yourself that it can't last forever and that as soon as it's over, you're going to be so unbelievably happy that nothing else will matter, then you'll be just fine. I feel foolish saying this stuff because I know it means nothing to you now, but trust me when I say that the worry and fear will melt in seconds when you're holding your little boy or girl for the first time. The fact that you've worked so hard to stay in excellent shape will really help with your labour, too. I'm thinking lots of good thoughts your way :)

  4. Sarah - I hope you're right! I've heard the same thing. Let's hope it's true :)

    Kelly - I hope everything goes well for you! I know exactly how you feel. I had to hide my hospital bag in our spare room behind the bed so I won't be able to look at it every day and get scared.

    Lindsey - everything you're saying does make sense :) I'll try to keep a "this too shall pass" mentality through the whole thing for sure and keep my eyes on the prize. That should help!

  5. LOL, my first pregnancy had me the EXACT same way towards the end. It's really NOT SO BAD (with drugs) and don't worry about the doctors because you won't seen one till about 5 minutes into pushing. ;)

  6. Oh I do feel for you. Its a weird surreal experience and its not that bad because people often do it more than once(I did). I just focused on doing what I was told by the midwife and gas and air! That stuff is AMAZING, you need to get it up to a level and then maintain that level. It will leave your mouth feeling dry though so dont try eating toast afterwards as it tastes like cardboard. And you will feel like superwoman afterwards!

  7. You will do GREAT! I love this post - I tried to explain feeling this way to people and no one got it. I'm glad someone feels the same. For a few weeks after I had her, I still couldn't believe I had given birth, and was now a Mom. I felt like I was baby sitting someone's kid and they were going to come pick her up soon. It was weird. It took me a little while to really "get" that she was REALLY my child.

    I thought people were crazy when they said I'd forget the pains of labor... But they're right. Now it's just a memory.

    You will do GREAT. Your body just knows what to do, even if you're not mentally at that point yet (I'm still not hahahaha)

  8. Hahaha I loved this post. I also loved that probably half of the readers will have no idea who David Suzuki is. I love Canada. Anywho... good luck with that, the same thing will totally happen to me when I'm pregnant, luckily at this point I'm still single so that's like ...way more than a fortnight away.

    Good luck!! :)

  9. oh my gosh you are hilarious. I can't offer any advice seeing as I have never had a baby and not sure if I will. LOL But if I was, I think I would be thinking the exact same thing as you! I'm sure you will great though and all these other mothers know what they are talking about :) Good luck!