Reason #153432 I Know I'm Getting Old

Wednesday, September 02, 2009

I know I'm getting old because my alcohol tolerance is SHOT.

I used to be quite the little party animal. In first year of college, I used up my entire year's worth of spending money by the first week of November. Guess what I spent it on? Hint: it wasn't charitable donations, music lessons or presents for my family.

When I entered the work world I drank pretty often, out of boredom or frustration. I was often lonely and unhappy, living in shitty cities where I didn't know anyone, and there was nada to do except get a little buzz on and deal.

At the beginning of 2006 I moved to the city that boasts the most bars per capita in Canada to work on marketing a beer account. Translation: drinks aplenty. All the time.

It was nothing to come home from the office on a Wednesday, eat some cheese and crackers for dinner, and chase it with a bottle of wine while watching TV. I'd wake up the next morning bright-eyed and bushy-tailed and not the slightest bit of a hangover.

Those days are gonzo.

Every Wednesday, H2B and I have dinner together which we take turns planning and preparing, and we have a glass of wine with dinner. It's like a little "yay! we survived half a week!" treat. This glass (singular) of wine is enough to get me buzzed! Houston, we have a problem!

Last Saturday, we decided to go out for dinner and then do the bar thing downtown. I had two glasses of wine with dinner and was half in the bag when we left the restaurant. That was followed with a vodka and diet Coke at the casino and then two more drinks at another nearby bar. So, just to provide some helpful math assistance, I had five drinks total. That officially counts as binge drinking, I guess, though a few years ago it would have been summed up as "Sunday brunch".

Anyway, five drinks and I was a complete waste face. H2B accused me of "hooting and hollering" and I definitely had a toilet paper trail stuck to my heel at the bar, which I am forever grateful to the nice chummy bathroom girl for removing, and I definitely drunk Tweeted like an arse and misspelled every word. On the cab ride home I sang Michael Jackson during the entire drive. The cab driver didn't respond, but I was clearly having the time of my life.

On Sunday, I felt like ten pounds of shit in a five-pound bag, ALL DAY. Besides that, there's the fact that I can't sleep past 7:00 am on weekends, no matter how late I get to bed or how zonked I am--yet another testament to my old age.

It makes me kind of sad. While it's nice to achieve a drunk of epic proportions and spend minimal cash getting there--I used to spend at minimum $60, and often way more than that, every time I went out--I feel pretty geriatric when I'm suffering all day the next day for my minor debauchery. I have the liver of an 80-year-old woman. I have a body that can't handle drinkypoos. It's tragic, really.

I'm too old to drink.

And soon I'll be mistaken for a cougar.

Sign me up for CPP. I'm done.

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6 comments

  1. I have had two glasses of pinot this evening and I am pregnancy scare hammered right now.

    Just thought you should know.

    That I read your blog even when I'm drunk?

    No. That didn't come out right at all.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I hear that. The other night I went out with some of the girls I work with for drinks, and got sloppy after two--TWO!--drinks. In college, two drinks was hardly even a warm-up.

    Sometimes, I really hate getting old.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Ben...I don't think you're pregnant. But you never know. You'd get a year off to look after the baby. Just roll with it!

    Katie...I know just what you mean. Two drinks used to be nothing! It's better for the wallet, but other than that it's embarrassing :)

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  4. you know how most college students have the boast of "we pregame harder than you party?"

    if they were talking to me, that'd hardly be impressive anymore.

    ha i wouldn't say that you're getting old, but maturing/growing/w/e it is you're doing, you're not doing it alone.

    ReplyDelete
  5. @heisschic i think a kindergartener could pregame harder than i party!

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  6. Getting old is only in our mind.
    Age never prevented people from doing things:
    http://www.whatwasdone.com/

    ReplyDelete