Things I'm Going To Do After The Wedding

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

1. Gorge myself. Eat until I vomit, then eat some more, repeat 3x. Eat all of the unhealthiest things: poutine, raw cookie dough, hunks of cheese and butter, boxes of chocolates, dozens of cupcakes, burgers bigger than my head. I'm gonna eat like it's my job. No wedding dress to fit into=feeding frenzy. I want to be hospitalized from an overdose of food.

2. Go at least one week without visiting Michael's. (I'd say I'll boycott Michael's altogether, but it's almost Christmas craft season and you know I'm going to be trolling for ribbons and balls and fake snow before long).

3. Fill up my bathtub with hundred dollar bills and roll and writhe around in it. Revel in the fact that this money can now be spent on fun stuff, not catering and flowers and ceremony programs that people are just gonna use as coasters anyway. What the hell did I do with this money before??

4. Find a place for the oodles and oodles of pretty new gifts we better be will be receiving.

5. Develop my official "so when are you gonna start having kids?" response. Repeat as necessary. Laugh at people's reactions.

6. Chop my hair off. Stop wearing makeup

7. Get bitchy and fat. Resist sexual advances.

YAY!

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11 comments

  1. Jay FerrisSeptember 22, 2009 at 2:36 PM

    How did you know that chubby and sweaty girls with boy hair flopping around a tub full of money was every man's secret desire? He's going to kick himself for not marrying you sooner!

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  2. MarianSeptember 22, 2009 at 2:45 PM

    Ah, I love this post. Made me giggle lots and lots. And filling a tub up with money to swim in...sounds like my kind of party!!

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  3. AnonymousSeptember 22, 2009 at 3:29 PM

    #5 and #7 made me laugh the most. :)

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  4. lindseySeptember 22, 2009 at 4:17 PM

    For the love of God, resist the "wife" haircut! I'm not kidding, people kept commenting on my "cute wife haircut." It's one step away from Mom haircut.

    It's all psychological! I swear. You grow your hair for so long because you HAVE to .. and then you want to cut it, just because you can. I did it and I've been working for a year to grow it out again.

    There. I've had my say ;)

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  5. AmySeptember 23, 2009 at 8:09 AM

    @Jay right?? I have it all figured out!

    @Marian This is my life in just 25 days :D

    @Katy Glad you enjoyed!

    @Lindsey I won't get the Kate Gosselin reverse mullet but I do need a mini chop :)

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  6. me melodiaSeptember 23, 2009 at 12:08 PM

    I love your list.
    ;)

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  7. FB @ FabulouslyBroke.comSeptember 23, 2009 at 12:47 PM

    LOVE IT!!!

    Get a Kate Gosselin mullet. I'd die if you did. :)

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  8. AmySeptember 23, 2009 at 2:05 PM

    @melodia glad you like!

    @FB haha...I don't think I can rock the reverse mullet just yet!

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  9. J. MoneySeptember 24, 2009 at 1:05 PM

    ahahahah...nice. except for that second half of #7, that's just cruel ;)

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  10. redbullfanaticSeptember 24, 2009 at 1:08 PM

    what the heck is poutine?

    ReplyDelete
  11. AmySeptember 24, 2009 at 9:20 PM

    @J Money I'm heartless! I might make an exception. Who knows ;)

    @redbullfanatic Oh my goodness. You need to click this link.


    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Poutine

    Read and drool.

    ReplyDelete