The Rules...of Living In Sin

Tuesday, September 08, 2009

I might be getting married but don't get me wrong for a second: I loooove living together before marriage. Yes, living in sin is where it's at. You know that saying "why buy the cow when you can have the milk for free?" I totally get it.

You need to test the waters before you dive in, yanno?

What if he's a complete slob/freak/axe murderer? What if he doesn't clean rotten food out of his fridge, or has a secret drug habit, or bad oral hygiene, or an obsession with Internet porn or anime or eating meals that consist entirely of meat and salt?

If you do things the Biblical way, you won't know until it's too late.

That being said, before you take the big plunge, there are some things you should establish.

Rule Number One: Have a spending plan.

In our house, we split some things straight down the middle, and others not so much. We split the groceries 50/50 and utilities 50/50. With rent, H2B pays a bigger chunk because he earns a bigger chunk. The point is not to split every dollar in half, if that doesn't work for you. The point is to know, going into it, who's going to pay for what. Maybe one of you covers rent and the other takes on the bills. Maybe you DO split everything 50/50. Maybe you alternate covering all expenses on a monthly basis. Just be sure to establish the who and what before you shack up.

Rule Number Two: Buy your own food.

H2B and I have very different palates. He is a big meat eater and hates all vegetables except corn. I usually have a salad for dinner and verrrrry rarely eat red meat. I have a sweet tooth; he likes salty things. If I were eating steaks and chips all day, I'd be bloated and cranky and if he were forced to exist on baby spinach and almonds and berries he'd probably die. We don't make a big deal about eating the exact. same. foods. every day, and we're much happier as a result. That being said...

Rule Number Three: Have a weeknight date.
Every Wednesday H2B and I take turns making supper for the two of us, and we always have it with wine. It doesn't have to be fancy. Last week, we had chicken fried rice (in the microwave), egg rolls and chicken skewers (in the oven) and sweet-and-sour sauce (store brand). The point is that once a week we make a meal and enjoy it together, with some wine, and sit at the table like real adults to eat it. It's a nice treat in the middle of the week and we both really look forward to our Wednesday dates. Some couples do this with watching movies, others with outings. I do think it's important to have something to look forward to, a little ritual we both enjoy to help get us through the work week.

Rule Number Four: Pick up after yourself.
H2B and I are both fairly tidy, but it seems that when I'm having a messy day he's being particularly anal about cleanliness, and vice versa. Clean up after yourself all the time, no ifs, ands or buts. It alleviates so much nonsense.

Rule Number Five: Maintain *some* mystery!
I know couples who poop with the bathroom door open or while the other person is also in the bathroom.
There's comfortable and then there's unnecessary. Pooping in plain view doesn't mean you're comfortable with your significant other. It means you don't care if they see you defecating. That isn't cute. That's sad.

What are your rules for happy cohabitation?

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  1. Yeah, pooping with the door shut is something I'm not going to be protesting anytime soon :)

  2. Of course he's stashing his secret collection of hardcore hentai axe-murderer porn until after the honeymoon.

  3. I find it funny that after a post about pooping the suggested "other posts you might like" include one on haggis.

  4. All great points!

    Though when Anna and I got Married we decided to combine everything. So we made a joint bank account. It's much easier then trying to split or cost everything out. I earn more then her but I don't care. We look at the overall combined income and just do it that way! It's great but perhaps not meant for every couple.

    We definitely don't poo with the door open!

    And, I'm a clean freak! she is not really. You can't win 'em all.

  5. @JC There's a door for a reason :D
    @Jay That could be the case!
    @Kiri haha! Very appropriate indeed.
    @Trevor We still have our own bank accounts overall, but a joint wedding account. I suspect we'll do the same thing for our house account too.

  6. Agree upon the things you each absolutely hate and figure out which you can take care of for each other.

    Washing dishes by hand makes me gag. Jason does it.

    Folding laundry is his personal hell. I do it.


  7. Yeah it's a little much to have the door open for that. Wow. LOL!!!!!!!!!

  8. I agree with Trevor I think when you are married you have one big account and all the bills just come out of there. No longer do you have mine and yours but ours.

  9. I agree 110% on the pooping thing. Poop isn't cute. Nor is excretion a sign of affection. Then again, I don't even fart in front of my boyfriend... I'll go so far as to make up an excuse to leave the room.

    I am a woman of mystery.

  10. haha love the rules :) I moved in with Matt in January and it's been a serious learning experience, but awesome and perfect too! Most of the time :) I 100% agree and I just can't imagine marrying someone that I haven't lived with! But everyone's different, I know that. I can say, though-- nothing gets you close like sharing a bathroom. Sure, you use the same bathrooms when you date, and you'll use the bathroom at his place or vice-versa, but it's NOT the same. lol.

  11. I agree, the pooping this is totally uncool. I have yet to understand why some people think this is OK...hmmm. I think give and take, and trust are the two main things that keep me and my hubby so strong. And the mid-week date is an absolute MUST, no exceptions. Great advice girl.

  12. next time I see you, remind me to tell you about my 'living in sin' experience while my fiance and I lived in Saint John. pretty funny.