Say cheese!

Wednesday, June 03, 2009

Unless I'm drunk, I dislike getting my picture taken very, very much. Suffice it to say I'm more than a tad apprehensive about this weekend, when H2B and I have our engagement photos scheduled. I don't think showing up intoxicated to the photo session is the best idea, hence my worry. I'm not photogenic. I have probably the fakest, phoniest photo smile of all time--Tyra would not be impressed because my "smile with your eyes" abilities are right up there with my ability to drive a stick shift and handle raw chicken without gagging. I hold my body awkwardly and I forget to breathe. My grade school pictures are a parade of 12 shots of me looking epically uncomfortable. The camera is not my friend.

Plus, there's something about engagement photos that's just frightening. I've been doing some research on le internet and there is a superfine line between pretty, fun, romantic shots and disaster.

I have seen some cheesy-ass engagement pictures, both in real life and online. Gazing into each other's eyes, sprawled across the hood of a vintage car, leaning against a lighthouse, various Sears Catalog poses, the gross guy-hugging-girl-from-behind number. Behold, some of the cream of the crop of bad engagement photos. Bear in mind, these are based on a five-minute Google image search. I'm sure there are much, MUCH worse examples to behold...and apologies in advance to the couples I'm about to rip on.

exhibit A: (God, I hope they don't come across this post)...

The setting and the technique are actually quite stunning but she looks like she's been roofied and he's wondering if she's gonna wake up. "Should I shake her? Should I just leave her here and trot back over to the resort?"

exhibit B:

There is so much going wrong here. Namely, they're barefoot and they're in matching outfits. I am troubled.

exhibit C:

THIS IS WHAT I WANT TO BRING THE PHOTOGRAPHER AND SAY, "PLEASE, LET'S DO THE OPPOSITE OF THIS!!!!!!!!!!!" This is the gross hug-from-behind complete with the full-on cow-eyes at each other.

exhibit D:

I hate everything about this. Oh God, please don't let these people find this post.

exhibit E:

Does anything about this shot look comfortable or natural or enjoyable?

In fairness there are plenty of cute e-pics that I've also taken the liberty of "borrowing" for contrast's sake. Here are some that I like.

See? They're not all bad!

H2B and I will give some thought over the next day or so as to locations and what to wear and such...nothing is really jumping out at us; we just want to look natural and relaxed, so I doubt we'll be too dressy. In terms of locations we're tossing a couple around: the beach, the covered bridge where we got engaged, the university campus where he went to school and I skipped Grade 12 French class to hang out in the university computer lab and use ICQ. We'll see.

If all else fails, I've got a quart of blueberry vodka and a half-full wine rack. Don't knock liquid courage. I might not remember the photo shoot, but my smiles will be genuine and I'll be having fun while the camera flashes.

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  1. Did you notice that in all the bad ones the guy looks like he is about to eat the face off of his future bride?

    I am all for a singular drink before things like this. How do you think I ever competed in horse shows, a shot of courage got me through it.

  2. An idea we're tossing around is going through our candid shots from the past 4 years we've been together and pulling out cute "couple" shots rather than have an e-session. To me, it's cheaper and more comfortable. Granted, I love taking photos, so there are plenty of great-looking shots for us to pull from.

    Best of luck. I'm sure you'll look stunning.

  3. Two things:

    1. I also hate having my picture taken. Hate. It. Last weekend I went to NYC with the boyfriend and only allowed him to take 3 pictures of me. Two were from a distance, the other I was covering my face. I'm not hideous, but I have no illusions about how the camera treats me.

    2. If I sent out an engagement photo like some of the ones pictured here, I'm pretty sure my parents would try to call off the wedding. No good would come from the union.

  4. @Dutchess...Yeah, that's definitely a consistent theme :D A single shot of tequila just might do the trick!

    @Aubrey...that's a good idea and one we had considered. The only reason we're getting engagement pictures is they're included in our wedding package-otherwise, I'd be all about using shots we've already got, for sure!

    @Aine...That's funny, I'm very much the same way. Usually I lean back so I'm out of the frame and stick my hand out and throw up the "shocker". And yeah, I'm 28 years old. My parents will make a big deal out of this because it's the engagement announcement that goes into *drum roll* THE SACKVILLE TRIBUNE POST. Humungous deal for them! haha!

  5. hahaha you're hilarious. I agree 100% about the awfulness of engagement pictures-- and the ones you posted were perfect examples. I hate, Hate, HATE the hug-from-behind, which I've been seeing a lot of lately. Every time I see it I think... God, Matt is never going to propose to me because he's going to be afraid that we'll have to take pictures like this.

    I'm sure if you talk to your photog, tell him what you DONT want, yours will turn out amazing.

    I would mayyybe have one drink before this, though. Not red wine! :)

  6. You took the words out of my mouth!

    I've posted about this on fear is to that we will look like complete fake fucks.

    Let us know how your shoot goes...have you picked out what you're going to wear?

    P.S. I totally promote liquid courage...I'm fairly certain I will be drinking some jack daniels and it will be photographed when we do our engagement shots.

  7. Sarah, for sure! We'll give her a list of do's and don't's. I'm pretty sure the boy and I are on the same page in terms of what's cheesy and what's acceptable.

    Michelle...I think I'm going to wear something pretty basic, I've got my clothes packed for the weekend already, ha! Just basic t-shirts/tank tops and a cardigan. We're not getting dressed up but we don't want to look like hobos either. Pretty casual! I'll share some of the pictures on here for everyone's LOLZ.

  8. This made me laugh so hard! That guitar one is priceless, as is the one where the bride looks like she wants to have sexy time RIGHT NOW. Oh, love it.

    I'm sure yours will be adorable---your ideal ones are super cute.