mamamonday: one can be enough
Monday, July 23, 2012When you get married, people want to know when you're going to start having kids. You finally have one and you think, now people will STFU about our reproductive status. They do. For five minutes.
Eli was a whopping three months old when we started to hear it.
"Are you going to have another one soon?"
"It's easier to have them close together, you know...get everything out of the way at once!"
"When are you going to have another?"
"You want them to grow up together."
"You're 31 now, so really you have a few years left...you have time for one or two more, maybe even three!"
It's amazing how EVERYONE ELSE knows what's best for you, isn't it? How casual acquaintances, random strangers and family members you haven't seen in years start offering advice on when your ute should be occupied and how many times. And I know as Eli gets bigger, it's only going to get worse. After all, each week that ticks by is another week Eli and his Phantom Future Sibling aren't going to GROW UP TOGETHER!
The truth? "Family planning" is just a hilariously-named drugstore aisle to us. We don't have a so-called plan for our family. Peter and I have never sat down and said, "OK, We're going to have X number of kids at Y intervals". We don't know if we're having more kids, period. Maybe we'll have three or four. Maybe Eli will be enough. Maybe we'll add another kid to our family and then call it quits. There is no "plan". We have been blessed with a beautiful, healthy, happy little boy - he's plenty for us. If we're blessed with another baby, great; if not, wonderful. We're having fun and we're happy.
As a friend put it recently, "there's nothing wrong with stopping at one." So, so true. However, the idea of an "only child" seems to be a foreign concept for many people. "But...but...he'd be so lonely without any brothers or sisters? Who would he play with?" horrified people ask. Ooooh...we never thought of that. We were just planning on keeping him penned up in the linen closet for the first two decades of his life. WHAT WILL HAPPEN WHEN WE FINALLY SET HIM FREE?
Will Little E be an only child? Or will he be the oldest in a baseball team-sized brood? We don't know.
Until you see me with an epidural stuck in my back, just assume there are no siblings on the way. And don't worry about it.
6 comments
This has been a common theme on my blog feed today. One blogger I follow wrote about how she doesn't want children and how she is constantly judged for that decision. I read a few of the comments on her blog, and several of them were like you -- tired of other people trying to dictate their family size or makeup. Head over to acompletewasteofmakeup.com if you want to read the post. :)
ReplyDeleteAlso ... I love the last line of your post -- "And don't worry about it." Exactly. Why do other people care so much about whether or not you have more children and when? How does it affect them?
Thanks for that link! Choosing to have children (or not), and the number of children, is one of the most personal decisions you can make. Unfortunately it's also one that everybody seems to feel is their business. There are sooo many factors you have to consider, from lifestyle to financial to logistical to just straight up personal preference so it's frustrating when someone thinks one kid isn't enough, or four kids is too many, or whatever!
DeleteOmg i love my girls but seriously fuk that he will be lonely, he can make friends!! I am constantly breaking up fights, sometimes i wish i had more one on one time with each coz together is hell!! I know im goig to hell for saying this but seriously im like an impatient mess with the 2 coz they scream and cry all the time from hurting eachother.
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely! Being an only child definitely doesn't mean he's never going to be around other kids. I have a sister and a brother and while I love them to bits there were plenty of times growing up when I would have liked to be the only kid. They both have advantages and disadvantages for sure.
DeletePreach!! I couldn't agree more - people DO need to mind their own beeswax. I am an only child and actually love it that way and feel just as well-rounded as a person who's one of many. Parenthood is just as joyful and meaningful whether you have one offspring or one hundred!
ReplyDeleteI am SO with you on this!
ReplyDelete(First I have to say that I just found your blog and am pretty excited about what we have in common - just judging from you "About" page, that is. Our husbands have the same name (even though I only ever refer to him as "P" on my blog), our sons names both start with "E" (that's what I call my son on my blog) and were both born in November 2011! Weird/crazy/cool.)
Anyway, I've gotten the same thing. Now that we have a son it's all, "Don't you want to have a girl next?" "E needs a sister!" And on and on and on. LEAVE MY UTERUS ALONE, PEOPLE. Also, at 31, you have lots of years left, not just a few. I really wish people could learn to mind their own.