7 things I hate about being oldThursday, July 12, 2012
Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop prompt this week is to list the seven worst things about being an adult. It was surprisingly hard to come up with seven things that are really terrible about being grown up, but here are some of the worst.
1. No more summer vacation. Even if you take a week or two of your hard-earned vacation days during the summer, it's not the same as having a full two months off in the summer to do absolutely nothing but eat Mr. Freezies, ride bikes and build sand castles. The craziness of the work days leading up to and immediately following a vacation of any length makes it almost not worth it. Basically, any vacation you have to earn is not a vacation.
2. When you get sick, you have to get your own ginger ale. One of the "nicest" memories of being sick when I was small was my mom making sure I was comfortable, whether it meant soft PJs and a good book, a cool washcloth for my head, or a bottomless glass of ginger ale. Luckily my husband is also a good nurse, but if he happens to be working, there's nothing quite like making a dash to Shopper's in between bouts of puking to get your own ginger ale.
3. Certain behaviours become creepy. You shop at Garage and you have to pretend you're shopping for your teenage niece. You're itching to ride the Tilt-A-Whirl at the fair so you sneak on with a random 7-year-old in hopes people will think it's some kid you're looking after. You want to read the Hunger Games but can't find it at the bookstore? Well, that's because it's in the Young Adult section. Right next to Twilight. And just like that, you become one of those women.
Ditto for having One Direction/Justin Bieber/Carly Rae Jepson on your iPod. You know I have all three.
4. Paying adult fares for everything. A seat at the movies is a seat at the movies, yet the kiddies and the old folks get a sweet discount. And who hasn't wanted to order the bug-shaped mac-and-cheese off the kid's menu for $3.99, but you can't because you're over 12? Us in-betweeners get the shaft.
5. Successful people who are younger than you and make you feel inadequate. I never feel quite so unaccomplished as when I read a story about some whiz kid billionaire raking in the dough off some cockamamie scheme he probably dreamed up while trippin' balls in his dorm room. Or when I see some starry-eyed 25-year-old author signing copies of her best-selling novel. Or when I go to have a baby and the frigging doctor is younger than me. It makes me feel like an elderly unachiever.
6. Your alcohol tolerance plummets. You know those nights when you're a young pup and it's like "I CAN'T GET DRUNK, NO MATTER HOW MUCH I DRINK! TEE HEE! LET'S DO MORE SHOTS!" and you wake up the next day with rum actually seeping out your pores...but you feel fine? Well, that must be awesome, says the old lady who had like four glasses of wine at a wedding last Saturday and spent half of Sunday with her face in the toilet. The upside: going out is much cheaper.
7. So does your metabolism. I used to eat fast food at least once a day and ate whatever I wanted, 100% of the time, without thinking about it. People would say things like "That's going to catch up to you one day!" And I was all, "TEE HEE! LET'S DO MORE SHOTS!" And then it caught up. Don't get me wrong, I still eat what I want to but then I have to run 59710134 miles to burn it off, or cancel out a French fry binge with salads the next day. Waaaaah. "Enjoy your vegetables, ANGELA LANDSBURY" says my 17-year-old toothpick self.