This morning, I was running around getting ready for the day as I always do, making my lunch, getting my face on, et cetera. My skirt was wrinkly so I threw it in the dryer to knock the wrinkles out, because God forbid I should ever take the time to iron a piece of clothing. So I'm doing my thing in the kitchen wearing just my sweater and my tights - and these are not doubles-as-pants-if-your-last-name-is-Lohan tights, these are semi-transparent black pantyhose, very much meant to be worn under dresses and skirts.

I made my lunch (fruit salad, in case you were wondering) and ran out into the yard to throw my pear and apple cores into the green bin, and while I was out there, I noticed it was a tad breezy on the ol' buttocks. Annnnd then I realized I was out in my yard in broad daylight, sans bottoms, as other neighbours are also up and about getting ready for the day, heading out to their cars and whatnot, and therefore seeing my sheerly clad ass in all its glory at the green bin. I ran back inside, but I'm sure at least two households got an eyeful of derriere with their coffee and oatmeal.

So now I'm the whorey neighbour that prances around undressed in her yard for all to see. The women on our street are going to hate me for being that floozy who puts it all on display. There goes my invitation to the neighbourhood Christmas party and cookie exchange, and they're probably going to start making fun of my flower beds, too. I should really be living far, far away from everyone.