Top 10 Things I Won't Miss About Apartment Living

Monday, July 19, 2010

Last night, I admit I got a little misty-eyed and emo looking around our apartment. We've lived here for two years, and it was the first place *we* picked out together and decorated together...the first apartment I have lived in that truly feels like it's been a home. The apartment is nice and spacious, it has AC, it has pretty maple cabinets and stainless steel appliances and a jacuzzi tub and a ton of good memories. (Why are we moving again?)

Then we went to bed...and one of our awesome neighbours decided to operate a circular saw until 1am. What apartment dweller even owns a circular saw? Who does carpentry work on Sunday night at midnight?! WHAT COULD POSSIBLY NEED CUTTING AT 1AM???? As I lay there, unable to sleep, I began thinking about the things I won't miss about apartmentland.

1. Weird Neighbours.
There will still be weird neighbours on our street, I'm sure. The difference is we won't be attached to them. They can be as weird as they want in their own house and in their own yard. Run your circular saw 24/7, I won't give a shit.

2. Elevator Drama.
I will not miss waiting for the elevator, riding in an oppressively hot elevator that smells like farts, being squeezed into an elevator with eight large senior citizens, or making awkward unwanted conversations about the weather.

3. Laundry Drama.
Currently there are about 12 units sharing two washers and two dryers. Nine weekends out of ten, one of our riff-raff neighbours will put their stuff in the washing machines on Saturday morning and leave their wet clothes in there all day. I refuse to be the jerk who moves people's clothes out of the machines so I usually just stew and run out to check every 15 minutes until they move their stuff to the dryers, slamming doors and making a lot of unnecessary obnoxious noises in the hallway to get the point across. Being able to wash and dry clothes whenever we feel like it will be a nice little luxury. Bonus--we'll be able to hang clothes outside to dry!

4. Parking in the Elements.
I almost can't wait for winter so I can NOT brush snow off my car and scrape ice off the windows. Almost. I am going to be able to go from house to car without even stepping outside. Suck it hard, Mother Nature!

5. Power Failures Do Not Apply.
Our apartment building runs on a generator which is awesome/awful. Awesome because the power never goes out. Awful because when other people get to call in to work because they had no power to get ready, I have no excuse, but have to show up all clean and blow-dried and such. Now I too get to stay home and freeze with candles and a deck of cards and boxes of stale crackers! Woo hoo!

6. White Walls.
The first thing we're doing, after we clean the new house top to bottom, is painting. Nary a white surface shall remain.

7. Going Outside Requires A Plan and A Vehicle.
So a few weeks ago, it was a nice day and I wanted to go outdoors to read. I had to give it some serious thought as to what park I was going to go to, drive there, find parking, and walk to a suitable reading spot only to be sexually assaulted by someone's dog. Then another dog came out of the contaminated harbour where it had been swimming and shook fecal harbour water droplets allllll over me and my book. I'm really excited to be able to go outside and sit in the grass or on the deck in our yard whenever the urge hits, without investing an entire afternoon or getting molested by strange animals.

8. No Trick-or-Treaters!
Living in a security building with very few children, we never got any trick-or-treaters before on Halloween. One of the things I'm most excited about is having kids come to our house to trick or treat. Our new neighbourhood is very kid-heavy and I'm sure I'll be taking back my Halloween enthusiasm after we've doled out treats to a couple hundred kids, but right now, I'm excited to have our first batch of ghosts and goblins arriving. Same goes for Christmas lights. Being able to decorate our yard for Christmas sounds really fun right now, and will probably continue to sound fun, until we get our December power bill.

9. No Dogs.
This is a huge one for both Peter and me because we both grew up with dogs, we both love dogs, and we both suffer from serious dog envy when we see people walking their pooches around our neighbourhood. We haven't lived in an apartment where having a dog would be practical or even fair, since we hate the idea of keeping a dog cooped up in a small space all day and only letting him out for quick breaks. Our new house has a fenced-in backyard so there will be lots of room for a dog to run around without taking off.

10. Old People Are Firebugs.
Our building is largely populated by old folks: good because they are total watchdogs and will notice right away if there are any unsavory characters around, AND because they're mostly deaf (turn up the surround sound as much as you like...they can't hear a thing.) However, it's bad because they do stupid stuff like put a casserole in the oven and then forget about it and wander over to the mall for six hours or fall asleep. We have a lot of fire alarms, and sometimes they're legit fires. Last year the whole eighth floor was destroyed because some lady forgot her supper was cooking and went out visiting, her food burned and the sprinklers came on. Knowing that we won't be burned alive because of old people being forgetful makes me feel just a tad safer.

Those are just a few things I won't miss about life in an apartment. There's plenty I will miss: for example, not having to shovel snow or do yard maintenance, and being able to just call the landlord anytime something isn't working right, and generally having no real responsibility...those are all pretty fantastic. Depending on how you look at it, renting and owning both have their benefits. What do you guys think?

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  1. #5 - Just out of curiousity... Will you be storing boxes of stale crackers just incase the event of power failure occurs?

  2. I feel like with my move back to Ontario my bf and I are one step closer to being homeowners. I am so jealous of you that you don't have to deal with apartment living anymore! Enjoy your new place, and thanks for the sweet comment on Fiveblondes. Nah, thanks for ALL of your wonderful comments!

  3. Excellent list — especially the laundry. Our hamper rarely even gets half full these days, now that we have our own washer and dryer. It's amazing!

  4. Jenilee--they seem to just appear when the power goes out!

    Leah--no problem, you gals are a pleasure to read! looking forward to hearing all about your big move too!

    Lindsey--I can't wait! right now, our hamper is overflowing :(

  5. Perfect list. I moved out of my last apartment last year into a house (still renting, but it's okay because it's a HOUSE) and I have to agree with every single one of them. Mostly neighbours (and their stompy babies that seem to be awake, and stomping, all morning and all night) and the laundry situation!

  6. I love this list although I feel the need to point out that even if you live in a regular house and your neighbour (or even someone down the street) feels like using their circular saw at midnight, you WILL still hear it, and it will still be just as annoying. lol

  7. Excellent list. Those old people freak me out.

    If I were in your (lucky) shoes, I would also add "Maintenance People" to the list, because our maintenance people are mean and creepy. And ineffective. The Maintenance Trifecta, if you will. We aren't allowed to change the light bulbs in our kitchen for some reason, and two of the three are burned out, but I hate the maintenance people so much we are living in the dimness until that final bulb goes. And then perhaps we'll just move out. In the dark, obviously.

  8. Emily Jane--we were lucky to be on the top floor so no stomping above us...just chainsaws at odd hours and the occasional karaoke party below!

    hklover86--our middle aged neighbours had some kind of drunken jam session saturday night and we definitely heard that!

    Live of a Doctor's Wife--our maintenance people were actually really nice for the most part but the front office staff were a bit stunned...SUPER anal about visitor parking!