Never have I ever...

-mowed the lawn. (Or started a lawnmower. I don't even know how to turn it on. I THINK it's a pull cord?)
-planted a shrub.
-painted a wall.
-cleaned an oven.
-changed a light fixture. I have changed a light bulb, I'm not a complete imbecile.
-operated a barbecue.

It's not because I was spoiled growing up, ohhhhh no. I worked hard in other ways. Have you ever spent a 35 degree day with zero shade walking up and down a field throwing bales of hay up onto a wagon? It was because I was such a clumsy kid my parents didn't dare let me operate anything motorized. I would have absolutely been the kid you hear about on the evening news that runs itself over while mowing the grass and gets chopped into little bits.

Anyway, it's time to take off the white kid gloves because I'm going to be doing all these things and more very soon. We do our final walkthrough this weekend and if all goes well, we'll have the keys by Monday. (Who am I kidding? I'm still not going to mow the lawn.) And then it'll be two weeks of cleaning, painting, moving, unpacking and decorating. Goodbye apartment, hellooooo housey.

I am feeling totally unprepared. Hold me.