I spy with my little eye...

Thursday, August 06, 2009

I used to be a master spy--just call me Harriett. I have been cursed with a nosy gene. I feel the need to be aware of EVERYTHING that's happening ALL.THE.TIME. I live in fear of missing something. I'm also the worst kind of nosy person because I act all indignant and say things like "gossiping is lame" and "who cares if those two are banging?" Because you know I care. I love the dish.

A few years ago, I had the displeasure of being involved with a particular ex-asshole who I was pretty sure was cheating on me, but I could never quite catch him red handed. What's a girl to do? I was suspicious, so I snooped, probably breaking some laws along the way. I looked at his Internet history. I figured out his Hotmail password (seriously people, MAKE YOUR SECRET QUESTION MORE DIFFICULT TO ANSWER). And I found evidence...not that he was cheating, but that he had an Internet porn obsession.

By obsessed, I mean, multiple times a day he was on disgusting sites, the details of which I have pretty much blocked from my memory. Because this ambitious winner was at the time working at a restaurant and typically worked from noon until four-ish and then went back to work from six until nine or so, I noticed a pattern in his visits to said sites. He was looking at porn before and after his first shift and again before his second shift. EVERY DAY! I was so grossed out I couldn't wait to move out and then break up via a phone call. Ba-doom-chhhhh. In this case, my detective work paid off--it alerted me to a huge problem and provided a much-needed boost to get out of a craptacular situation--but in the short term it left me feeling upset, disgusted, confused, and embarrassed.

My sneaky ways started much earlier in life. My little sister and I once went snooping for Christmas presents. I think I was around 14 and she was 10-ish. Our parents went shopping (probably for more gifts for our spoiled asses) and we launched into this huge scouring of the house for presents--we checked out the basement, their closet, the storage room we had never bothered with...and we hit the jackpot. We found a bean bag chair, assorted board games, tons of clothes and other stuff we were excited about for a minute.

But after the initial rush of finding the hidden loot, we looked at each other with this gross feeling in the pits of our stomachs...the realization that we had just ruined Christmas. It had to have been the most anticlimatic feeling EVER. Sure enough, on Christmas morning when we opened the spoiled surprises, we both felt uber-shitty.

I'm still a nosy broad, but I have learned my lesson about outright snooping. I don't troll through H2B's computer for deep, dark secrets (I guess I don't feel the need) and I don't search the apartment prior to holidays trying to get a sneak peek of my presents. I don't think anything good comes of snooping--you're bound to be disappointed.

When has anyone ever snooped or spied with a happy outcome?

Probably never.

That being said, if you have any good gossip, feel free to pass it along!!

Prompt courtesy of Mama Kat!

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  1. I will admit that I am a huHUGH snoop. I like to keep my own life drama free, but I MUST know everyone elses dirty little secrets. But I have found that with people I like and/or trust, I don't feel the need to snoop.

    But when I lived in a house with revolving roommates after college I got the snooping bug really strongly. I found one roommates diary where she went into detail about the threesome she had. And I found my other (closeted) roommates gay porn. It was only when my third roommate started joining me in the snooping that I put a lock on my own bedroom door.

  2. Oh wow...those are huge!! I have been guilty of diary snooping, too...it's embarrassing but eye opening! I'm with you, my own life is pretty drama-free and probably not worth snooping in.

  3. I like to snoop. I can't help myself and I'm always disappointed.

  4. Yeah, I'm a big snoop, too. I wonder if I should have gone into it as a career... oh well.

    I snooped around every year for xmas gifts. Wrapped ones? No problem. I had mastered the art of unwrapping and re-wrapping, without a hint of what I had done.

    It was great for years--I remember finding gifts that I would get SOOO excited for, like my first CD player (this was back when they were relatively new on the market).

    But in the end my xmas snooping ruined me. I was 12 and found the dreaded gift:

    "TO: Ginger
    FROM: Santa"

    That's right. That's how I found out Santa wasn't real. I was heartbroken.

    From then on I stopped snooping for gifts, but I'm still a pretty savvy person. I guess snooping is in my blood!

  5. Snooping never leads to good places. The best it ever got me was the knowledge that my boyfriend was TRYING to cheat on me, repeatedly, with more than one girl. Perhaps not surprisingly, he got rejected, but still... This is why I don't snoop anymore. If I don't trust him, I just dump him and move along. No need to snoop to confirm that he's an untrustworthy bastard. ;)

  6. I am such a snooper.

    I used to read my sisters diary and then use what I knew as a way to get what I wanted!

    I'm mean.

  7. I don't consider myself a snoop at all, except when I was with an exdouchebag and I just KNEW something was up. I would look through every thing! With the current man...never ever snooped once and I live with the guy now...I think when something tells us to snoop, it's womens intution saying wake up bitch!

  8. I'm so the same way about drama-- all cool with the "eh, who cares what they're up to..." while I secretly knew all along since I'm a facebook stalker-- but the Christmas thing I TOTALLY remember. My sister and I found ours one year and luckily didn't look at all of them... but the couple presents that I opened containing gifts I already knew about made me feel so sad. Now I don't even try to guess what the gifts are by the shape of the box!

    I know couples who are all about the snooping-- trading e-mail passwords and facebook log-ins-- but my philosophy: if you feel the need to pry, there's no trust, and that's no bueno! But... as for normal, drama-loving friends dishing on who's up to what-- totally normal!! and way fun :)