The Library Incident

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

It rained yesterday, so rather than venturing outside, Eli and I headed to the library for our afternoon outing. I signed out a new book and we went to the kids' area, which consists of some play mats, tables, and lots of toys.

I put him on the floor and, being a social butterfly, he crawled right over to where two other boys were playing. I'm horrible at guessing kids' ages but I'd put these kids around three years old, maybe? Old enough to be bratty hellions, anyway. They were standing around the table, playing with toy cars, if you consider screaming and smashing cars onto the table as loudly as possible to be playing. I don't know where their parents were. Probably off reading 50 Shades of Grey in the adult section or using the library computers to update their Lavalife profile, who knows.

Eli sat on the floor and stared up at them, clearly curious about what they were doing and wanting to play too. They ignored him, which I understand: playing with a baby isn't everyone's cup of tea, particularly when you're three years old and the big man of the library play corner. And it's not like toddlers are necessarily the most socially intuitive beings on the planet. Like "here's this adorable and curious baby, LET'S INCLUDE HIM AND PLAY GENTLY WITH HIM" is clearly not going to occur to a toddler. Instead, they got rowdier and louder and started stomping around the table, whipping cars around like Godzilla on a bender.

Worried that Eli would either get trampled or take a Hot Wheels to the face I picked him up, told him we'd come back and play another day, and gave the kids one of my best Supreme Bitchface Death Glares (they actually stopped beating on things and acting like shits for a good 30 seconds when we made eye contact. Frightening children with a single look = WIN.)

Afterward I worried I'd done the wrong thing. Did I save him from being stomped on by some hostile and soulless devil-spawn? Perhaps. But am I setting him up to be a coddled mama's boy? I hope not.

And then I started thinking about when he gets big, and goes to school, and there are bullies on the playground, and I won't always be there to pick him up out of harm's way, and then I got prickly-eyed.

I want him to be able to deal with bullies, and being excluded, and other generally icky situations, on his own. I know the library kids weren't bullies - they were just being kids - but the situation made me think ahead a few years, and there are just SO MANY THINGS little people have to deal with, and it makes me sad. I don't want him to be picked on. The thought of anybody being mean to Eli actually makes me physically sick. How do I prepare him for that? How do I teach him that not everybody is nice, but it's important to be nice to everybody? How do you establish that balance of sheltering your kids just enough while letting them develop a thick enough skin to not be devastated when he gets hit with a snowball or picked last in gym? Am I crazy for thinking about these scenarios when he's only nine months old?

So in addition to freaking out over Eli's first birthday in November and choosing which school to send him to (believe it or not I'm already worried about our local JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL, sup 2023) I'm also now worried about bullies, mean people, and how to protect him without overdoing it. No pressure.

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10 comments

  1. Ah I so know how you feel but his little personality will develop so much by school time that you will probably have a definate feel as to how its going to go for him.
    My 5 year old starts next Thursday and I am feeling pretty good about it. Shes bubbly and bouncy and makes friends easily, its a good school so I am happy. I know what you mean about worrying about the schools though

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    1. How exciting for both of you! I hope she has a good first day!

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  2. wow sign me up for that responsibility! not! ack

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  3. That's going to be tough. I have those fears for my sisters kids... I become very protective and want to save them from every icky situation but my sister tells me we have to let them figure out those situations on their own. My nephew is very sensitive and has fears that I notice other kids play on... NOT OKAY... She is good at stepping back and letting him figure it out, but me, not so much. When I have kids, I'm scared I'll be featured on "Bubble Wrap Kids"...
    Rachel

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    1. It's a tricky balance for sure. Good times :)

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  4. I worry about Topher being bullied. He's a happy kid, a social butterfly, and he seems to get along well with other kids - but there's a day kids "celebrate" in junior high and high school around here called "Kick a Ginger Day" and I worry that my poor ginger baby will be a subject. Maybe I'll start dying his hair when he goes into junior high ...

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    1. I've heard about that "holiday" too! It's terrible! Hopefully kids will have moved on by then!

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  5. Eh, I probably wouldn't have left my E in that situation for very long either. Maybe I'm spoiled in that my nieces and nephews (who are all between 3-6 years old) are AMAZING when playing with E. Regardless, I firmly believe that if you have an off feeling about your kid playing with strange (strange as in strangers, not strange as in weird) kids, then don't let them play! There are plenty of other opportunities to have Eli play with other children, promise.

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    1. He'll be going to daycare soon (sniff) so he'll have other kids to play with every day. I'm sure he'll be fine with them. I think these particular kids were just a tad wild :) It just seemed like an injury waiting to happen!

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