38 and a half weeks. That smile? FAKE.

We're at 38+ weeks now, with less than two weeks to go until our due date on November 10.

In related amazing news, my doctor is going away to Australia and China for the next two weeks, and the doctor she referred me to is also going to be away from November 2-8, so if the baby is born between those dates, I guess we'll just have a taxi driver or Sobeys cashier or a Starbucks barista deliver him or her, since ALL OF THE DOCTORS ARE GONE!! NO BIG DEAL!!

I haven't been experiencing the "ZOMG get this baby out of me now" feelings that many moms-to-be report having. Quite the opposite, in fact.

I'm absolutely petrified of labour and delivery and am having trouble coming to terms with the fact that I will actually be participating in this act in less than a fortnight (I have always wanted to throw out a gratuitous use of the word "fortnight", so I can now cross that off my life list.) I cannot and will not accept the fact that I'm about to have a baby. Does. Not. Compute. It just doesn't feel like it's happening to me. Even typing the words "I am going to give birth within the next two weeks" or saying it out loud doesn't make sense. It's like I'm typing "I am a polar bear". I understand what it means, but it doesn't apply to me.

As far-fetched as it sounds, I've kind of put the actual birthing out of my mind for the past nine months, like, "oh, that's something that happens to other women" and skipped off to watch Gossip Girl and eat Skinny Cow ice cream sandwiches, assuming that science would come up with a better way to get a baby out of its mother's body by the time when my turn rolled around since everything else was going so swimmingly. Well, thanks for nothing, David Suzuki.  

I've known that the baby is coming - I just haven't given any thought as to how it's going to get here. And now it's like: whoa. You want me to push what through where? Wait, what? Did I agree to this? Was I on drugs? Can I change my mind? I feel like I've been tricked.

Now that it's roughly 10-ish days, max, until I'm actually going to expel a human being from my hidey-hole, shit is getting super real. I've been doing things like sitting with my legs tightly crossed and elevated so that gravity keeps the baby from trying to make tracks for the escape hatch. Seriously. Because that's a legitimate way to prevent birth from happening.

Fear: I haz it. I have never been so scared in my entire life.

Let's all join hands and pray that the drugs work. And that the Starbucks baristas are skilled at administering epidurals. Amen!

I'm having trouble lately forming coherent thoughts and full sentences, let alone articulating them, which means you get a good old fashioned bulleted list today!

Zombie pumpkin! (and $8 mystery squash. WTF! For that price its seeds should have been solid gold)

Vampire pumpkin!

• We carved pumpkins on Wednesday evening and are roasting the seeds for snacky goodness this weekend. Hubby says I "cheated" because I used props and didn't actually hollow out my pumpkins. Well, if that counts as cheating, just call me Tiger Woods.
• We are 38 weeks pregnant now. There are currently 13 days until my due date. Keep calm and carry on... I'll take a new belly pic over the weekend unless this baby actually succeeds in ripping its way through my belly button, which I'm pretty sure is what s/he's been working on the past week or two. 
• I'm taking a photography class tonight so I can learn how to use my new camera properly. Very excited to get to play around with my new toy on something other than the auto settings!
• I bought a few Christmas presents this morning. Just a couple little things, but it makes me feel like I've made some progress! I've also made two Christmas ornaments while watching 90210. (These are the things that start happening when you have to stop working a month and a half early. You watch 90210, make Christmas ornaments and organize your nail polishes by brand, colour, and finish. It happens)
• We installed a rearview baby mirror and window shades in my car this morning. It's officially looking like a creepy mom-mobile. I refuse to get a 'baby on board' decal. 
• We've been watching season 1 of The Walking Dead on Netflix (season 2 just started on AMC) and it's a great show. I'm not usually big on zombies, vampires and the undead in general...I like my TV characters alive and thriving for the most part. But this show is fantastic. And so so gory. Peter won't even eat chicken wings when we watch it, that's how grotesque it is. And he can eat through anything.
• Rory has been such a good dog lately. He's never "bad", he just has a lot of puppy energy, but he's morphed overnight into a very calm and well behaved dog. I don't know if he's maturing, if he senses something weird's about to happen with the baby coming, or what but it's been great.
• We were really hoping to have another movie date before the bambino arrives and cramps our style but the movies that are out right now look pretty craptacular and I don't want to spend $40 on tickets and snacks to see some mediocre and unentertaining shit. If anyone has seen anything good over the past week or so, please let me know, so these wild and crazy kids can have a date night at the movies.

Last week's Writer's Workshop prompt was to list 22 things I've never done. This week we're patting ourselves on the back with 22 things we have accomplished. Here goes!

1.Won a colouring contest when I was five - by cheating. My dad coloured in the entire sky and half the grass because my hand was "sore from too much colouring". Not sure how they couldn't tell a five-year-old hadn't finished the picture, but guess who won a giant pink stuffed rabbit? 
2. Been on the national news (Canada Day in Charlottetown several years ago. I was in a crowd but you could definitely see me. I may have been drunk and I may have done the shocker)
3. Ridden in a hot air balloon in grade 9.
4. Had a concussion in grade 3 - a gym class gymnastics mishap.
5. Was a bridesmaid (x3) 2008 and 2010.
6. Quit a job (x2)
7. Been laid off - it's the shits!
8. Shoplifted - a long, long time ago.
9. Dyed my hair red accidentally. Cried for days. Haven't touched it since.
10. Fallen down in front of a large group of people...my middle school in fact, while getting off the bus one slippery winter day. Nothing like falling in front of 400 kids at 8:00 am to get your day off to a fantastic start and ensure you have no friends for at least two weeks.
11. Went tidal bore rafting.
12. Hiked in the Grand Canyon last year.
13. Fainted in public - a few times, actually. It's happened at school, at the waterfowl park and at a client meeting.
14. Fallen asleep at work. I was deadly hungover. And this was a few years ago. Obviously I'm much more polished and professional now. Obviously.
15. Given people a fake phone number. Sometimes creeps won't take no for an answer.
16. Been stung by a jellyfish. Not fun!
17. Worked at McDonald's - Grade 10-12.
18. Pretended to like something to impress a boy, i.e. the San Jose Sharks in grade 9...whaaaat?! 
19. Was a member of student council throughout high school.
20. Was a victim of credit card fraud - this just happened a couple weeks ago.
21. Was in a car accident and wrote off my car. I wasn't at fault though. Bitch, please.
22. Was waved at by the Queen as a small child. I don't remember it but apparently it was quite the big deal.

Thanks to Mama Kat for the weekly Writer's Workshop prompts!

First off, high-five for being a good baby and staying put this long. You scared us a few weeks ago, when we thought you were going to make your grand entrance two months early, but you've settled down nicely after that little outburst and we're all very relieved and happy you've decided to behave. With the exception of that fiasco, you've been an excellent baby, so we'll let that little episode slide.

You're officially full term now, which means you can arrive safely anytime. We're OK with waiting a couple more weeks to meet you, though. As massive and awkward as mama might be feeling these days, and as excited as we are to see you, we like having this time to get good and ready for you to join us. We've been taking lots of walks and doing a lot of talking and trying to get as prepared as we can to be your mom and dad.

But when you do get here, I think we're finally ready for you, at least as ready as we'll ever be. Your room is ready, your bassinet is put together, your car seat  is in the back of my car, all set to bring you home from the hospital. Your clothes and blankets are washed and put away and your hospital bag is packed up with your tiny diapers and the sweet little outfit we picked out for you to wear home from the hospital. We've watched videos on how to swaddle you, bathe you, diaper you, dress you. To be honest, mom and dad are pretty clueless but we hope we'll get the hang of this thing quickly, and we're going to do our best.

You're still a mover and shaker. You love kicking me on the left side and sticking out your badonkadonk caboose on the right. When I wake up in the middle of the night (every night) you're usually in the middle of a little solo dance party in there. If you aren't, all it takes is for me to roll over in bed and you're awake and kicking up a storm. You're a party animal! You love listening and dancing to music and you have questionable taste in tunes, so it looks like you've inherited at least one thing from your mama. At least I'll have someone to listen to Glee soundtracks, Britney and Jay-Z with day in and day out.

Not gonna lie, baby. I'm pumped to not look like I've swallowed a beach ball soon. But that being said, I'm going to miss carrying you around all day. We've been hanging out 24/7 for nine months now, and I've come to love having my little buddy with me all the time. I'll miss feeling your kicks and punches, rubbing your bum and footies, and laughing at your hiccups. I'll miss knowing you're snug and warm and safe. I think I'm going to feel a little bit empty after you're born. Even before I could feel you moving around, I'd talk to you. When we were stuck in traffic we'd make fun of weird looking people. We'd read you bedtime books and tell you we loved you.

When we found out you were going to join us, way back in March, we couldn't believe our luck. We jumped up and down and I cried, we were so excited. And we've been excited ever since. We're scared and nervous but most of all, we can't wait to meet you.

We wonder every day: will you be a boy or a girl? Who will you look like? Will you have hair? Brown eyes and curly hair like dad or green eyes and straight hair like me? Will you be shy or outgoing? Will you love to run around and be crazy or will you want to sit still and colour and read?

We worry: will you like us? Will we do a good job looking after you? Will you be happy? Will we be able to give you what you need?

One thing is for sure - you're already a very loved little person. We can't wait to see you soon.

xoxo
Mama

This has nothing to do with fall decorating but it's my good looking boy. Isn't he handsome?

Painted spots and stripes on a bunch of mini pumpkins.

Centrepieces for the dining room table = candlesticks with mini pumpkins and more fake berries. Easy peasy.

Thanks Pinterest for this super easy idea - add candy corn and a tealight to glass vases. PS: Candy corn tastes like ass.

I didn't make this guy - my mom did. She's craftier than me. He hangs on the back of our front door.

I made this wreath - grapevine, felt rosettes and fake berries. It's hanging on our kitchen door.

Every time I've ever heard the phrase "We're going to have to cut back" I immediately start crying and flailing. Cutting back SUCKS. When has "cutting back" ever been a good thing? It smacks of  poverty and diets and all sorts of other unappealing scenarios.

Unfortch, over the next several months I'll be getting a nice little lesson in "cutting back". Obviously I'm not happy about it. I'll be making about 60% of my normal salary while on maternity leave, and while I appreciate getting to spend up to a year at home coddling my offspring, I'm a bit sooky about the financial implications.

Earning less = spending less. And as it is, I'm not a big extravagant spender. It's not like I've been throwing down $300 on jeans and shoes all willy-nilly each week - I'm already pretty frugal. So knowing that I should be spending even less makes me all kinds of cranky.

I don't know where to start when it comes to cutting back, so I started by making a list of some of my upcoming expenses and trying to figure out ways to save:

Car Insurance: I got my invoice for car insurance for the year: $1,033. I shopped it around and the lowest price I could find anywhere was $1,004. Yes, a savings of $29. Yes, I switched insurance providers. For $29.

Christmas Gifts: Peter and I have already agreed we're going to buy less for one another after last year's embarrassment. We kept picking up "one more gift" for each other and in the end our living room was FULL of presents...presents for us. People came over and were like "oh, where'd you get that?" and we were like..."we bought it for ourselves". Over and over. It was horrible. Or they'd be like, "Wow, is all that for you two?" and I'd try to use the dog as an excuse. "A lot of these presents are actually Rory's."

Ouch...Nevertheless, Christmas is going to be expensive, no two ways around it. Luckily I'll be getting free Christmas cards from my new BFFs at Shutterfly :)

Bills: Not much you can do about bills. We've already installed thermostats to regulate the temperatures in the house and canceled our movie channel package in favour of Netflix which is much cheaper. I'm sure our water and power bills will be higher since we'll be doing 927380 more loads of laundry per week.

Groceries: Again, you gotta eat, but I'm sure we could be eating for less. I'd like to start making bigger batches of things - soups, chilis, etc - in the slow cooker, and freezing portions to heat up. Much cheaper in the long run than buying packaged food. We'll also probably start taking advantage of our Costco membership for some bulk stuff too.

Clothing: I'll soon (hopefully!) be back to my normal-ish size and shape and I'm going to be wanting new clothes. After spending months in yoga pants and H&M empire waist dresses I can't wait to wear real clothes again. I'm signing up for all the email coupons I can find and will continue to troll sale racks like it's my job and hunt for pieces with lots of longevity that will work for many different occasions.

Books: I've been using my library card instead of buying new books every month which has already saved me some dough! Yay!

Entertainment: The baby shall be our entertainment. I'm sure we'll just plop him or her onto their little tummy time mat and command them to make us laugh, and they'll obey.

Obviously, having a newborn will cut down on our dinners out, date nights, and general gallavanting around so we'll have to resort to things like visiting friends and having friends over, board game nights, watching movies at home, cooking fancy dinners and enjoying them by the glow of the baby monitor, and so on. Which, honestly? Doesn't sound so bad.

I also plan on doing lots of crafty stuff while baby naps, with the help of the trusty weekly 40% off coupons from Michael's.

One good thing about going out less is that we'll be burning less gas, too.

Health and beauty: Our gym membership is a must-have so that's an expense that's not going anywhere. I don't go for haircuts often, but I could probably choose a less pricey place to get my hair done - currently I pay about $60 for a cut after tax and tip. In terms of personal care I am probably the slackest person ever. I don't colour my hair and rarely get my nails done, so there's not much more I can do to save in this area.

Baby stuff: In large part thanks to our generous friends and family, we're all ready for baby's arrival. Once they're here, I don't know what kind of money we'll be spending month to month. If breastfeeding works out, that'll be free...if it doesn't, it doesn't. I've heard Costco is the best place to buy diapers and wipes. And everything else we'll just have to learn as we go.

So, new moms and general thrifty people: what do you suggest? If you've been through your own mat leave, how did you cut back? Did you find it hard? Any other tips for saving money that you'd like to share? My bank account and I thank you in advance!

1. Eaten a brussels sprout
2. Ridden on a motorcycle
3. Changed a diaper
4. Successfully applied liquid eyeliner
5. Emptied a cat litter box
6. Played hockey
7. Skied down a mountain without wiping out
8. Been stung by a bee
9. Broken a bone
10. Had a tooth pulled
11. Flown first class
12. Had a pedicure
13. Gone to a tanning bed
14. Seen a turtle in real life (zoos, aquariums and pet stores don't count; I mean a turtle just out hanging around in the wild)
15. Been baptized/christened/confirmed etc.
16. Had a tattoo
17. Had anything pierced except my ears
18. Had braces
19. Been in a fistfight
20. Mowed the lawn
21. Taken out a loan
22. Eaten a Krispy Kreme

Thanks Mama Kat for the Writer's Workshop prompt!

Here's our 36-week photo. We're now at 36 weeks and 5 days - two days from the magical 37 week mark, when the baby is officially finished doing useful, important things in the ute and is just simply laaaaaid back with its mind on its money and its money on its mind sucking down amniotic fluid, kicking the bejesus out of my innards, and fattening up like a Christmas ham.

AKA, the date where we can safely go into labour ANY DAY NOW with no worries.

Don't go getting ideas, baby. You stay in there and get chubby and give mama time to get her act together before you make an appearance. There are a lot of things I need to do before you get here, namely find a diaper bag that doesn't suck and doesn't cost one million dollars. Really, if it doesn't have giraffes and monkeys marching up and down the straps, it's impossible to find a decent diaper bag for less than the cost of the bloody crib. Is it too much to ask for a diaper bag that doesn't LOOK LIKE A DIAPER BAG?

Fun things we've done with the baby this week:

• Used the bump as a shelf for a water glass. 
• Put remote controls on it and watched the baby kick them off. 
• Rubbed cocoa butter on it 239570 times a day because my skin is so. itchy.
• Played patty-cake when they stick their feet a good four inches out the side of my stomach. 

My bump is no longer round, by the way. It's all pointy and sharp corners and baby footies and bum and elbows. It's more like...a rhombus. 

So, we've finally selected names for the baby - a girl name and a boy name. I really can't wait for that moment when we hear "It's a ______!" and I can say "Hello, ________!"

We get asked about names all the time, and have gotten used to watching people's faces fall when we tell them the names are top secret. We've had our boy's name picked out since before we were pregnant, and we just switched our girl's name in the past week or so after I realized the first, middle, and last names don't sound great together and panicked.

Why so secretive with the names? There are a few reasons. We just don't want people to criticize the names, for one thing, to make a face, or say something stupid. Or to say "OHMYGAWWWWD I know a kid named __________ and he/she is the biggest brat". Or send us Google links to people with the same name as our unborn child who turned out to be, like, sadistic serial killers or complete freak shows. Because for some reason, people really enjoy raining on others' parades.

If we have a girl, we don't want people to snag our favourite boy name, in the event that we decide to reproduce again and have a boy, and vice versa. That being said, we realize there's a finite number of names available, and there are going to be other kids with these names. We tried to steer away from overly popular and trendy names. We also avoided family names since neither of us was blessed with awesome ones. We picked out names we like the sound of, that work well with Peter's last name, and will suit not just a baby but a teen, an adult and an old person as well. And hopefully, whether it's a boy or girl, it won't be one of 10 in its class at school with the same name.

Naming a baby is HARD. You have to look at a lot of factors. What do the initials spell? You can't have a kid going around with the initials ASS, for example. What does it rhyme with? How can cruel, clever children possibly manipulate this name and make my kid miserable for 12 years of his/her life? Are we naming our baby after any sordid soap opera characters, reality show trainwrecks, or famous pets?

Since Peter's last name begins with an F and is pretty Scottish sounding I tried to avoid overly-Gaelic names and anything that begins with F for a first name. This made me a little sad since there are some solid F-names kicking around.

It took a lot of research, debating, even muttering different name combinations out loud, but we've finally settled on two possible names for our little beast and I can't wait to share one of them in a few weeks.

Don't panic, but Christmas is only a little more than two months away. While out running errands in mid-October, I noticed display after display of Christmas cards. At first I was annoyed (don't they know Halloween hasn't even come yet?!) but then I got excited. I LOVE sending and receiving Christmas cards and I'm one of those freaks that saves their cards, year after year.

Last year, I attempted to make my own Christmas cards which required a lot of cardstock, glue, white buttons and burned fingers (I made button snowmen cards, at least for the local people...anything that had to get mailed a distance ended up being a boring card from the store. Sorry faraway friends!) I felt crafty and accomplished but then realized my cards looked like something a 7-year-old could have thrown together.

This year, with a bambino on the way just in time for the holidays and a dog that loves to pose for pictures, we've been thinking of doing photo cards instead. When I got a chance to check out Shutterfly's collection of online designs and receive 50 free cards (and offer 25 free cards to three of you) I jumped at the opportunity. My design skills are mediocre at best (just look at this blog) so luckily the Shutterfly folks have that well taken care of.

A photo card will be a great way for us to introduce our new addition to family and friends that are far away who may not get to meet the baby in person - plus it's nicer to get a little keepsake in the mail rather than scrolling through endless baby pictures on Facebook. It also ties in some of the charm of a handmade card with a little more polish than I can manage to whip up at home.

In addition to holiday cards and Christmas photo cards, Shutterfly also offers gift services such as calendars and other photo gifts worth checking out. Grandparents looove photo calendars. A couple of years ago I gave my parents a calendar with pictures of me, my brother and sister from when we were little and they went crazy for it, so if you're stuck on a gift idea, don't underestimate the photo calendar!

Are you a blogger? Want a chance at 25 free cards this holiday season? Register here: http://goo.gl/DDw7Q

(Alternate title: Proof that I Am the Most Stunned Person Alive)

Holly at Scattered Words shared her engagement story recently, which prompted me to do the same. 

Three years ago today, Pete and I got engaged. It was Thanksgiving Monday. I'd spent the weekend at my parents' in New Brunswick while he stayed at our apartment in Halifax. After all the family festivities, I was planning to drive back to Halifax early Monday morning and spend the holiday with Peter - we were going to have our own little Thanksgiving meal for two.

On Sunday night, Pete called and asked me to give him a call before I left my parents' on Monday so he'd have two hours' notice to "get the meal ready". He allegedly wanted to know right when I was leaving so he'd know how much time he had to go to the gym and do errands before he had to put the dinner on the stove and he specifically asked me to call his cell phone in case he was out. I called him from the gas station on my way out of town.

"Before you get on the road, drive out to the covered bridge," he said.

Well, that's random, I thought. There's a covered bridge outside the town where I grew up. When I was little and my dad and grandfather were getting hay in the summer, I'd go out there and run back and forth in the bridge for hours. I rode my bike out there and loved going for drives through the bridge because Dad would lay on the horn and it echoed and sounded creepy. Peter knew it was one of my favourite places around town and had also spent time driving out to the bridge when he was at the local university, just to get a change of scene and to relax.

However, he was always doing sweet little gestures and random surprises for me so as odd a request as it was to drive out there, I wasn't totally tipped off that something was about to happen. I assumed he'd carved our initials in the bridge somewhere last time he'd been in New Brunswick, or hidden a gift for me or something. Incredibly daft I am.

So I drove out to the bridge and lo and behold, there was Peter, dressed in his nicest suit, waiting for me on the other side. I figured he'd driven up from Halifax to surprise me for Thanksgiving. Yes, even at this point I still had no idea what was going on. I parked my car and gave him a huge hug. "I wasn't expecting to see you here!" I chirped. "What's up?"

COMPLETELY oblivious. Let's look at the facts:

-he had driven 2 hours to get to Sackville - meaning he'd left home before 7:00 AM to make it there
-he was wearing a Hugo Boss suit in the middle of cow pastures
-he had been looking at engagement rings, which I knew
-he was nervous and appeared to be on the verge of throwing up

We walked into the bridge and he was like, "Uhhh, I have a surprise for you," and acting all weird and wound up, and I start LOOKING AROUND THE BRIDGE like a complete dunce, as if there was going to be a present hidden in the rafters or a clown popping out of the walls, like we're just going on a little geocaching adventure. 

Peter just gaped at me like seriously, I'm about to propose to the dimmest broad on the block. "It's not on the bridge," he said, grabbed my hand, got down on one knee and pulled out the most perfect diamond ring I have ever seen. He popped the question and I was so excited I forgot to say yes, just nodded like a happy mute. I was completely caught off guard. There was lots of jumping up and down (me), squealing (me) and happy crying (me).

It was definitely one of my happiest days ever - top five for sure.

We got married almost exactly a year later, October 17, 2009.

Here are a couple of our engagement photos, taken at the place where it all went down:









Happy engagaversary, PBSB! It's been an incredible three years and I love you more every day. <3

35 weeks & 5 days. Smuggling a basketball.

Yesterday marked one month till our due date. When I realized that, I spent the rest of the day being very shrieky, weepy and agitated. I can't believe we'll be parents in less than a month and I don't feel ready. It doesn't matter how much I read What to Expect and Becoming Babywise - nothing can prepare us for the real thing. I flip-flop from being excited to meet him or her, wishing the days would fly by, to terrified and wanting October to last forever.

What if the baby hates us? What if it won't eat? What if it cries nonstop? Will it be healthy? Will it sleep...ever? What if we drop it? What if we forget to take it for its needles? What if we leave it at a restaurant?

I'm a giant stressball. You name the worst-case scenario, I have played it out in my head.

But then, I spent a bunch of yesterday afternoon laying on the couch scratching the baby's footies and feeling them kick back and it helped calm me down a bit. It was like baby was saying, "look, mama, you need to get your shit together because we're going to be just fine." And as weird as it sounds, taking time to "play" with the baby really helped me feel better.

I'm sure everyone thinks this about their baby, but I can tell that ours is a little character already. For one thing, it's very punchy/kicky and not at all shy. If it sticks out a body part and you rub it, it doesn't pull away, it pushes you back. It's definitely not a wuss. It's also going to be a big eater, judging by the amount of hiccups I feel every day. It dances when there's music on.

As for me, I'm feeling good overall. Being on limited activity sucks but I have been going for little walks, errands here and there, and will be taking longer walks after getting the doctor's OK this morning. And maaaybe Pilates again next week.

I miss working, and I miss just being able to do stuff, like clean my house or just get in the car and go somewhere. I'm tired of alternating between the same five shirts, three pairs of pants leggings and half a dozen dresses I've been wearing for the past three months.

But overall, we've been lucky and I've been feeling great for the past almost nine months, so I can't complain - if wardrobe woes and being bored are my worst problems, we're doing well. I want to enjoy this next few weeks as much as possible, get as prepared for bambino as I can, and fit in some me time too.

I have so much to be thankful for this year.


Our home, which is comfortable, cozy, big enough for our little family and to hold all our friends.

Our marriage - almost two years in and we love each other more and more every day.

Our dog, who even when he's being a nuisance makes me laugh no fewer than 20 times a day.

Our baby, who, at 35 weeks, continues to cook in mama's belly and by all signs is healthy, active, and strong.

Our friends. They just get more and more awesome.

Our families, who prove time and time again they would do anything for us.

Our health, the people who work to keep us healthy, and the services that make sure we stay that way.

Programs that make it possible for me to spend up to a year at home with our baby. As much as I bitch about the government and as much as they may do wrong, we do enjoy some pretty solid perks in Canada. 

And the froufy things too: riding boots, Pinterest, pumpkin-flavoured anything, cocoa butter, library books, sunny afternoons on the deck, Angry Birds, magazine subscriptions, Netflix, board games, online shopping, fireplaces (including electric ones), chocolate milk, naps, leggings, drawers full of teeny tiny baby clothes, and a bottle of my verrrrry favourite, very expensive pinot noir sitting in our wine rack that has been aging since March (!!!) that I'll be able to enjoy next month.

(In small quantities of course...responsibly...you get my drift.)

Happy Thanksgiving!

34 Weeks & Five Days!

If you can see this post, it means we're still hanging in there at 34 weeks. It's been more than two weeks since the great escape attempt and baby seems to have settled down happily in the ute. Every day closer to full-term, I do a little fist pump. Keep cooking, baby!

However, it has been brought to my attention that the past couple of weeks have been my sexiest ever. Without further ado, here are a few of the reasons why I'm a hot piece lately:

• This weekend I bought pads for after the birth - big kahuna maxipads, like the size of actual surfboards. Also, nursing bras. There's a reason the Victoria's Secret angels don't wear nursing bras. They look like my first training bra, except saggier and more geriatric. Wearing one makes me feel like a kangaroo. I don't know why. 
• Burping every five minutes. 
• Having my bazooms spontaneously start leaking while playing Yahtzee. 
• Looking like I'm smuggling a basketball. 
• Wearing sexy outfits, as demonstrated above, every day. 
• Wearing said sexy outfits with briefs, not thongs. I normally do not wear briefs unless I'm at the gym or in bed, vomiting, close to death. I don't even know myself anymore.

I apologize to my husband every single day for my sad state of affairs, and I promise that one day...one day...I will get my groove back. Just not right now. Right now, my one and only concern is being a good baby-cooker. 

Enough about my sexiness. On to the fetus!

How big is baby?: As big as a honeydew melon! He or she is about 18 inches long and weighs around four and a half to five pounds.

Weight gain/loss?: At my doctor's appointment last Monday, I got in a bit of trouble as I'd lost four pounds. Being in the hospital, stress, not being allowed to eat for a day, hospital food wartime rationing portion sizes, etc. all conspired to make me drop some weight. Since I've been home I've been eating like it's my job, which is hard, because the baby takes up all the space that used to be available for food. I'm hoping I've gained some weight (this is the only time you'll ever see me utter those words).

Maternity clothes?:  Being home every day = zero effort into my appearance, so leggings and yoga pants have been my uniform, topped off with tank tops or t-shirts. If I feel like getting fancy I'll put on a cardigan or a scarf. I have bought two pieces of maternity clothing in total: one shirt and one dress, both from H&M. I find the price of maternity clothes is appalling. Who wants to pay $39 for a gross purple t-shirt you're going to wear for two months and makes you look like an elephant?

Food cravings?: I crave pumpkin spice-flavoured stuff, but I think that's more of a fall thing and less of a baby thing. I haven't had any baby-related cravings.

Movement?: It braces its feet against the left side of my belly and stretches out against the front, trying to rip through the skin. It's amazing how hard the baby pushes on me sometimes!

Belly button?: It has arrived, and it is spectacular. And oh, so itchy. I slather on vitamin E oil every night to help with the itchies and prevent stretch marks (none yet, knock on wood!) and come to bed with a greasy-looking basketball belly. Peter is so lucky. If you haven't picked up on the memo yet, I am a sexy beast.

Aches and Pains?: Just Braxton Hicks, which send me into a panic every time. Ute needs to quit toying with my emotions and sanity like that.

What are you looking forward to this week? Getting some more days under our belt and inching closer and closer to having a full term baby. Also, Thanksgiving! My family will be in town Sunday for our big Thanksgiving meal. Peter and I are in charge of doing the vegetables, cranberry sauce, and a pumpkin pie, Mom is bringing the turkey, stuffing and gravy and my sister is making another dessert. Thanksgiving is definitely giving Christmas a run for its money as favourite holiday - it's got all the good food and family shenanigans minus the pressure to buy presents.

Lately I've come to the unpleasant realization that I'm a bit of an ageist. I'm not sure if that's a real word, but I do discriminate based on age. I prefer to deal with people who are older than myself and I don't take younger people seriously enough. The obvious exception is people that I know personally or who have been work colleagues - if I've seen you work and know you're capable I tend to forget how old you are, whether it's 22 or 82. But when it comes to people in customer service positions and other one-off encounters I will almost always go for the silver fox versus the young'un.

I feel bad about it, because I very clearly remember being in my early 20s and super pissed off at the world because I was always treated as a junior at my jobs and felt that no one took me seriously because of my age. I remember crowing about "how am I supposed to get experience when nobody will give me a chance?" and boo-hooing all over town when I had to do crappy tasks. Hellooo, paying your dues.

Fast forward to now. If I'm at the Superstore and I need to find, say, PEANUT SAUCE, I'm not going to ask the stoned 16-year-old with his pants hovering down around his ass stocking the shelves with all the speed and ambition of a blind sloth. I'm going to go find the creepy 65-year-old lifer with the bad combover. I feel like the old person is going to at least make an effort to help me out, whereas young Cheech is just going to stand there slack-jawed and not make any attempt and then direct me to the peanut butter-and-jam section, stand there and stare at the peanut butter display and just say "Uhhh" over and over. (Based on true events).

In the hospital a couple of weeks ago, I found myself asking all the nurses who were obviously younger than me about school, their jobs, their pets, and so on, but if the nurse was older, I'd ask her my serious questions about my health and how things were going with my monitoring. I didn't realize I was doing it until much later, but for some reason I only assumed the older nurses would know the answers to my questions, which I'm sure is totally false. There's a good chance a nurse just out of school would actually be more knowledgeable than one on the verge of retirement, but for some reason I saved the medical questions for the older ones.

I'm not sure what the reason for this is.

Is it that I'm getting old and crotchety in my elderly age?

Is it that "kids" today really don't present themselves as being knowledgeable, helpful and competent?

Do I get jealous and insecure when I see smug little underqualified brats earning double what I do? (Answer: YES)

Or is it just a natural thing...we tend to trust people that are older than us, assuming they're more experienced or wiser somehow?

Either way, I know I need to get over it. I'm not getting any younger, and every year I'll be dealing with more and more people that are younger than me, so I better learn to communicate with the youngsters.

Now get the hell off my lawn.