I went out at noon today specifically to clean some junk out of my car and take a little drive--I didn't have time to take a proper lunch break, but I was going to be driving one of my bosses to an afternoon meeting, and I didn't want him to be sitting in a landfill site of empty Starbucks cups and gas station receipts. So I drove to Chapters so that I could dump my garbage in a classy parking lot trash can, versus getting ogled by the clowns at Esso or some such nonsense.

Aaanyway, I gathered up my armload of garbage, grabbed my keys in my mouth and made my way across the parking lot to the trash can outside of the store. I dumped everything and headed back to the car. Keep in mind I was out of the car for a grand total of 40 seconds max, so I figured I was safe to keep the car unlocked.

OH NO. Not the case. This middle-aged dude is opening the door and getting into my car!?

"Uhhh, THAT'S MY CAR," I yelled at him making what I hoped was the bitchiest face possible and marched right over there, ready to yank him out, never mind that he may be a robber, be packing heat, etc. This could have easily been a cap-in-my-ass situation.

"Oh, woops," he says, getting out. "Well, where's my car then?"

"I have NO IDEA," I huffed at him.

"Sorry. I wasn't trying to steal your car," he said, all indignant-like as he walked away.

So as I'm leaving the parking lot I see him getting into what I presume (but who knows??) is his car. It was a Toyota Camry. I drive a Mazda 3. Similar, not identical, in colour.

How do you mistake this




for this?



Potential car thief? Day-drunk book enthusiast? Most forgetful man on the planet ("shit, what does my car look like? Who am I?") Criminal or not, this guy should have been arrested for being stupid.