Last Sunday, I was at Shopper's Drug Mart pretty bright and early in the morning when I witnessed one of the most hilarious walk of shames I have ever seen.

"But Amy, how do you know it was a walk of shame?" you ask. Here's why:

1. It was 9:00AM on a Sunday and she was wearing 5-inch heels and a skintight tube dress that barely covered the coochal region
2. She had wet hair and smeary morning-after makeup which indicates a shower in some dirty dude's apartment (no hair dryer + no fresh makeup to put on)
3. She couldn't find her money in her purse at the cash register and croaked in a barely there voice, "I don't know what happened...I had money last night...huh huh!"

What makes this a prize walk of shame? She was buying a jumbo size box of tampons. I don't know about you but I can't think of a worse scenario than spending a drunken night at some greasy Lower Sackville skid's basement apartment decorated with Scarface posters and assorted bongs and waking up the next day with nothing but a hooker costume, impossible to walk in shoes, no cash AND your period and having to do the awkward shuffle to the drugstore (dude didn't even drive her). Suddenly, spending Saturday night at home with Guitar Hero and frozen pizza instead of going out and getting blitzed sounds pretty good.

Because of my iron-clad morals and 24/7 class (I'm laughing as I type this) I have never had a truly bad, honest-to-god walk of shame, the kind that involves creeping out of some creepy strange guy's bachelor pad and slinking home. But I have had to take hungover morning-after bus rides home from friends' apartments, with the reek of rum seeping from my pores, hood up to hide my greasy hair, and big sunglasses masking my raccoon eyes. I've tottered onto the bus in slutty heels carrying a sparkly clutch and wearing a borrowed sweater over my tube top at 8 in the morning and dry-heaved the whole ride home while other passengers smirked or rolled their eyes. And it's not fun.

Without further ado, here is my official guide for preventing (or at least surviving) the walk of shame:

Bring money for a cab!
That's the easiest, albeit not the cheapest, plan. That way you can at least make an exit at the end of the night without having to spend an awkward night away from home.

Pack the essentials...juuust in case.
Even if you only bring a tiny clutch on your night out, you can fit a couple of things to make yourself appear like less of a crackho in the morning. A powder compact, a little mascara and lip gloss, or even a packet of blotting papers to sop up the greasies will help. You can use a square of TP in a pinch instead of blotting papers...and if you're hooking up with a guy who doesn't even have toilet paper at his place, you deserve to go home looking like a hot mess. Don't forget a hair elastic to help deal with your next-day rat's nest.

Use his stuff.
There are some things you can swipe from a guy's medicine cabinet in a pinch. Guy's deodorant is better than no deodorant at all! And while using a random person's toothbrush is pretty revolting you can brush your teeth with your finger as long as you've got some toothpaste.

Borrow (or steal).
You can always borrow a nice comfy hoodie, cardigan, or jacket to cover up your bar attire and get home. Given the choice between looking skanky or looking sloppy, it's up to you, but borrowing a coverup is always an option.

Sunglasses are your friend!
They cover a myriad of sins. The bigger the better!

Lie.
Some nosy tool might make a dumb comment to you on the bus or train about having a "rough night" so if you have a response ready in advance, you won't stammer like a politician caught with his pants down. Just say something admirable like you spent the night in the hospital with your BFF who was giving birth, or you're on your way to a costume party and isn't the Britney resemblance just uncanny?

Check yourself.
Before you head outside take a good look at your shoes (do they match? are they even yours?), your bag, your behind, etc. to make sure there's nothing out of place. Are you wearing one ginormous chandelier earring while the other lobe is bare? Is there a McDonald's wrapper in your hair? Is your bag full of shards of a Heineken glass you stole from the bar the night before thinking it was the most hilarious thing ever? (Some of these have happened to me. I'm not going to say which ones). Even if you're scrambling to get the F out of Dodge, give yourself a thorough once-over to make sure you're decent. You never know who you'll run into, which is just another reason why having your alibi prepared is super important.

That's all I got. What about you? Have you had any horrendous walk of shame experiences? What are your tips for surviving the most embarrassing and uncomfortable of commutes home?