Review: Mac Snack Wrap

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Last week I spotted something in the newspaper that fascinated and disgusted me at the same time. "Oh my God, McDonald's has a Big Mac Snack Wrap!" I shouted throughout the office. No one shared my excitement. One coworker glanced at the print ad as she passed by my desk and commented, "That's revolting."

I have a bit of a "thing" with McDonald's, having worked there after school from grades 10 through 12. I know the secrets and ins and outs of the ordering, and one of my favourite tricks is the mini-Mac...a cheeseburger "dressed" like a Big Mac. It's the perfect food for when you're craving two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, pickles, onions, cheese, on a sesame seed bun, but only have room for ONE all-beef patty plus the above. The snack wrap looked like an even more toned-down version of the mini-Mac wrapped in a cute little tortilla package. Still, the idea of eating a Big Mac out of a tortilla seemed wrong and alien. I was curious, grossed out, and turned on, all at the same time, like a middle school makeout party but with more cholesterol and less hormone-triggered sweating and Lip Smacker application.

I put the Snack Wrap out of my mind and focused on work...but when the weekend rolled around, H2B and I were out running some very important errands* and I was jonesin' for food. "I'm hungryyyyyyyy," I whined.

"Let's get some food. Want to try one of those Big Mac things?" he suggested. This is why I love H2B so much--he can read my mind.

We went to the Dartmouth McDonald's right by the McDonald bridge (COINCIDENCE?? I THINK NOT). "OK, now we have to go inside. We need to get the full McDonald's experience!" I sing-songed. We had the full McDonald's experience all right: standing in a lineup of about 25 riff-raff teenyboppers for 15 minutes. The line didn't budge. H2B suggested drive-thru. I struggled a bit with that.

Here's the thing: I hate drive-thrus. Drive-thrus generally exist at places that serve greasy, fatty, overall bad-for-you food options. They're supposed to be convenient but really it's a testament to human laziness when you can't even park your car, get off your fat ass and walk 30 steps to the restaurant. I hate yelling into a speaker and knowing the kids inside are making fun of me with their headsets** before parroting back my order like some kind of retarded echo. But desperate times call for desperate measures and Mama needed her snack wrap.

The wait to get our food was agonizing. Brutal. "What the fuck can they possibly be ordering!?" I fretted as a couple cars ahead of us got bag after bag after bag of greasy treats and took what felt like forever. "They're taking all the frigging food!"

Finally we made it to the window and the drive-thru bimbo had gone off to make fries or whatever the hell other task they have drive-thru bimbos doing these days and the goddamn snack wraps are sitting there on the counter, in a bag. I could see them. I could probably have reached them if I'd put the car in park, unbuckled my seat belt and crawled halfway through the window like an armed robber. Finally Employee of the Month waddled back to the window and realized she had food to give me and...and...and I had the snack wraps in my grasp. Success!

"NO EATING IN THE CAR!" I barked as H2B tried to peek inside the magical brown paper bag. I drove home at breakneck speeds so we could enjoy our manna from the gods while it was still warm and avoid getting special sauce all over my interior. Wait, what? Anyway, I'll speed this tale up.

The verdict: 10/10. Here's why:
-meat count=half a patty. Totally reasonable for a snack, even if you're trying to eat fairly healthily.
-no onions. Just special sauce, lettuce, pickles, and cheese. MMM!
-the wrapped end makes it easier to eat than a burger.

Mac Snack Wrap gets two very enthustiastic thumbs up from me. Don't be conflicted by the print ad photo, which makes it look a bit like a donair gone all wrong. Run (or drive) to your nearest golden arches and partake in this little gem. You won't regret it!

*Our "errands" consisted of H2B driving around the city while I shifted gears for fun. This is me "learning to drive a standard". The whole foot/clutchy thing is too much but I like the shifting bit. It's kind of a joint effort that way.

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  1. your comment just made ME crap my pants!! lol.

  2. @TTO i like you too!
    @...love Maegan your blog makes me crap on the regular, in the best possible way :)

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  4. yuck :( mac wraps are yucky i tried them today and yuck!

  5. sorry, you are too potty-mouthed for me. If you were a book, I would put you down. You aren't, but I can express my displeasure and move on to better word wizards.
    That being said, I do wholeheartedly agree with your assessment of the Big Mac Snack Wraps--2 thumbs up!