half awesome, half terrifying

Monday, November 18, 2013

Lately, I have been oddly drawn to things that are making me feel very confused. I can't decide whether these new things I'm seeing are modern marvels and I want them - if I NEED them - or if they're actually horrifying and/or fugly and I should run, not walk, away.

Part of me is curious. Part of me is appalled. I don't know who to ask for advice, so I turn to the internet. Here are just two of many recent examples:

I am a girl with straight hair, SUPER straight. Like I'll go get it cut and the stylist is all, "do you flatiron your hair every morning?" in a disapproving tone, and I'm like, playa, PLEASE. I would kill to have hair that curls. If you look under my bathroom sink, it's like an As Seen On TV graveyard of hair curling apparatus which all garner the same results for me: zilch. My hair holds exactly two looks well: greasy seaweed and frazzled horse tail. I have been trying to have curly hair since I was about nine years old.

Which is why, when I saw the Curl Secret commercial on TV, I was intrigued. "A revolutionary new way to create one beautiful shiny curl after another." It certainly looks effortless in the ad. Will this actually work for me? I wondered.

Then I read some online reviews. Like this broad's, who claims her hair got caught in the motor. This is the stuff of nightmares. The Christine of styling tools.

Don't these just scream apres-ski? Don't you want to build a roaring fire, get your Bailey's-and-coffee day-drunk on, and lounge in a pair of these suckers all day long while a snowstorm howls outside and your man brings logs in from the woodpile shirtless but wearing one of those ear flap hats?

"Why yes, honey, I could absolutely go for more caffeine and booze and shortbread cookies. But first, why don't you come over here and give me a peek at that yule log?"

But this is real life, and in real life, where do you wear Fair Isle leggings? Are they for ski bunnies only? Are they like Crocs or going braless, i.e. not permissible outside of your own yard? I don't know what to do with all this. 

I mean, I wouldn't show up to the office wearing what is essentially a pair of patterned long johns, but could you make it work with boots and a long sweater? And is there an age limit to these things? 

These are the things I think about when I'm not obsessing over work, food, sleeping, whether or not Eli is in danger, if that sound I'm hearing is the dog throwing up as I'm falling asleep, or whether I can get one more day out of my chipped nail polish. Any thoughts? 

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  1. You rock those patterned long johns if you damn well please

    1. Hell yes. Underwear as pants, all day errday.

  2. I feel like there is a limit on the patterned leggings.

    I wear my universe starry ones at home only, my colourful fuzzy ones, home only.

    But my light grey leggings with pattern, they are allowed out in public with tall black boots and a very long sweater.

    As for the conair curl thing. I HIGHLY doubt it works as good as the original, which is about $250 a pop. I've heard magical things about that one from about 5 different people. For girls like us that curls just don't happen for, they actually stay in! My friend is getting one for Christmas, so I'm excited to test that puppy out.

    1. Lucky you! I would love to have one I could try out or borrow rather than investing in it.

  3. I've read your blog for a long time but rarely comment - I just had to comment on this post though because I feel like you read my mind!
    I've been wondering about both the hair curler and the tights! My hairdresser insisted on trying the Magicurl (the more expensive one) on me and I was so freaked out. I had no idea what it was and then she shoved my hair in the barrel and it started making a whirring sound. Then it came out perfectly curly! Still, I'm not sure I'd have the skills to work it properly.
    And let me know what you decide about the leggings - I saw them in the window of Envy last night and was almost drawn in - but I'm still on the fence about whether I'm too old to wear them.
    - Molly