Today's post is courtesy of Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop. The assignment was to write a poem to your love on Valentine's Day.

Confession: I hate poetry. I hate rhyming poetry. I hate prose-y poetry like what people read aloud in coffeeshops. I think poetry is pretty much the most pretentious art form, unless it's meant to be comical.

When I die and go to hell, there will be a woman in the corner with dreads and a skirt that drags on the floor and she'll be reciting poetry allllllll day long.

BUT THERE IS ONE EXCEPTION. Haiku. I love haiku. You can write a haiku for absolutely any occasion, and the formula is so easy! Plus they're kind of supposed to sound stupid, so that makes everything easier.

Without further ado, here are some haiku I toiled over for my little lovebird:

I love you, Peter
Although you don't drink coffee
You make good poached eggs.

You're very handsome
In fact, prettier than me
I'm kind of worried.

You are always kind
Even when I'm retarded
Which is...all the time...

Your only flaw is
Falling down for no reason
Running into shit

But I do that too
We are a pair of klutzes
Our kids will be doomed.

Happy V-Day Pete!
Will you be my Valentine?
Love you very much :)


Last Valentine's Day in NYC