Giving up sugar in exchange for a permanent home in the kingdom of Heaven: it's an easy trade

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

So just when all the New Year's resolutions have gone out the window and you've nicely returned to a lifestyle of guilt-free gluttony and sloth behaviours, Lent pops out of nowhere wreaking havoc on the come home-pour drink-have a good sit routine. Fortunately I'm not Catholic, so technically, I'm good. I don't have to give up anything. I can drink, smoke, and eat bags upon bags of Cheetos until I explode, and Jesus doesn't care. He loves me anyway.

But in the name of being a good sport and "don't hate, participate" I've decided to give up something for Lent this year. It could be that I've been afflicted with the Olympic spirit. Or maybe I feel like I need to earn a few extra brownie points with Jesus, God & co. on account of being horrible so much of the time.

Whatever the reason, for the next 40 days and 40 nights, I'm giving up...drumroll...SUGARY BAD THINGS.

I can't narrow it down much more than that, because if I say 'chocolate', next thing you know I'm om-noming on Skittles or Gummi Bears or Jelly Bellies ad nauseum.

However, because all sorts of awesome foods contain sugar, allow me to clarify a few things.

Foods Jesus doesn't want me to eat:
-chocolate bars
-chocolate candies
-misty mints
-spoonfulls of frosting straight out of the jar
-regular pop

Foods Jesus is OK with me eating, because Jesus he knows me, and he knows I'm right:
-hot chocolate (IT DOESN'T COUNT AS A FOOD!)
-baked goods that aren't in the above list, i.e. bread and rolls are OK
-diet Coke
-sweetener for my coffee
-a lil' brown sugar on my oatmeal
-cereal that has sugar in it
-granola bars
-syrup (I use E.D. Smith sugar-free so it doesn't count) and honey
-Jello fat free pudding or sugar-free Jello. It has no fat. I'm already sacrificing something. It may have bits of animal hooves in it, but by God, there's no fat.

Today is day 1 and after dinner I was already eyeing the leftover Valentine's Day candy that our kitchen seems to be birthing on a daily basis--I swear, it's multiplying, not dwindling away. I finally talked myself off the candy ledge by repeating, "You are not hungry, you are just crazy" and feeding my sugar cravings with hunks of melon.

My hope is that by the end of 40 days I won't miss sugary things at all. They say it takes three weeks to break a habit. Plus, I never used to have a sweet tooth--it's something that seems to have developed over time and peaks when things get stressful--and I want to start generating that stress into something else, like going for a walk, playing piano or writing in my journal rather than pounding back a Kit-Kat or a handful of Reese's Pieces.

I think that the possibility of winning favour with Jesus could be just the motivation I need to eat a little healthier. Before I cave and head to the office chocolate stash, I'm going to ask myself, WWJE? Yes, what would Jesus eat? Then I'll act accordingly. And I'll show all you Catholics. Booyah.

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  1. That's a questionably convenient list. Do you even EAT chocolate bars, etc. on a regular basis? JESUS KNOWS IF YOU'RE BENDING THE RULES.

    I was going to give up dairy.

    But then...meh.

  2. HAha, this is so funny. I was going to give up chocolate, but then I had a hot chocolate this morning. But you're right, it's a drink, so it doesn't count Yahoo!WWJE

  3. Jesus would want you to eat Smarties.

    I feel relatively strongly about that.

  4. Good for you - I don't think I could EVER give up sugary bad things. They are my one thing that I can't resist. I really should but it's just too hard.

    And now that I've read the whole list of sugary bad things, I now have a craving for all said things. Thanks for that - there should be a disclaimer at the top of this post warning about such things!

  5. "spoonfulls of frosting straight out of the jar"

    I'm so glad I'm not the only one who does this. Jesus would do it, too. I'm sure of it.

    I gave up all sweets, soda, and limiting my fast food to one day a week.

    I actually am Catholic so I feel like I need to set the bar super high. You know... eternal state of guilt and all.

  6. obviously don't know about the chocolate basket. At work we have this humungous basket that's about the size of a large bathtub and for just one dolla you can dip into the chocolate basket for whatever your fancy...Skor, Smarties, Crispy Crunch, whatever. That basket is my afternoon downfall all too often!

    Anonymous...Jesus would drink hot chocolate, absolutely 100%!

    Peter...I don't disagree. They don't use artificial colours anymore. If it comes from nature it's a gift from God and therefore indirectly endorsed by J.C.'re right. I just re-read my list and I'm jonesin' for anything chocolate.

    Jeney...frosting on its own is better than on cakes or cookies. You are not alone :D

  7. Oh dear, carrots are high in sugar. No nice carrot snacks. Fortunately beer is made with hops to make Lent a much hoppier event.