mamamonday: The Swimsuit ConundrumMonday, June 04, 2012
Over the next week or so, Eli and I will be donning waterproof diapers (well, one of us will...I'll let you figure out who) and hitting the pool at our gym so he can splash around and have fun in the water.
Problem: Going to the pool requires putting on a bathing suit. Not such a concern for my little guy. He's proud of his hot bod and loves to show it all off. The less clothing he's wearing, the happier he is.
|check out these stems!|
|you can look at the guns...but don't touch|
Namely: WHAT DOES ONE WEAR TO A MOM-AND-BABY SWIM?
A mom-and-baby swim is not your typical day at the beach. Choosing beachwear is easy. Painful and embarrassing but at least you know what's expected.
On the other hand, the last mom-and-baby swim I attended was in 1981. Times have changed. I'm about to go into the snakepit, people. Judgey moms with their judgey eyes and judgey babies bobbing around - just thinking about it makes me want to throw up.
"Don't even worry about it! All the moms will be focusing on their own babies and too busy to pay attention to what the others are wearing!" you say.
Well, YOU are wrong. Fellow moms, you know what I'm saying. You've been sized up when you're out with your baby. You could just be running errands at the grocery store or walking in the park, and you see another mom approaching with a stroller. And she eyes you up and down, and it's approximately 1000 times more obvious and ego-crushing than being mentally undressed the creepiest creeper at the skeeziest bar. They're looking for a smudge of sweet potato on your pants, a trace of spit-up in your hair, gauging your dark circles, making sure your earrings match and hoping they don't.
Judgey moms are bad enough on dry land. Enter a setting where everyone's almost nude and stress levels skyrocket. If I wear a one-piece, will that make me the dowdy frump mom of the group? If I wear a two-piece, will I be regarded as the slutty mom who's almost 100% sure she kinda knows who her baby's dad is?
So many questions and concerns. Colour me bewildered.
I just ordered this bathing suit from Old Navy. I figure it'll be a safe choice for our first foray into the murky waters of the Sackville Sports Stadium children's pool. This suit doesn't scream "I'm here to steal your husband", nor does it proclaim "I give up on life." I hope it says "I am a sane, balanced individual who appreciates fun colours and nautical trends. I love my husband and likes to have a glass of wine on a Friday night but definitely not more than two and only after the baby goes to bed LET'S BE FRIENDS!!"