Protesting perfect.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Amy at Just a Titch posted a lovely entry about the idea of protesting perfection that made me want to jump up from my seat and shout AMEN, SISTER!

I read lots of blogs regularly. Fashion blogs, where girls put together the most amazing outfits day after day while I sit here in my maroon sweater and Joe Fresh flats looking like a What Not To Wear candidate. Decorating blogs, full of pictures of living rooms and home offices that could be straight out of one of those glossy, $16 design magazines. Cooking blogs featuring Michelin-star-worthy dinners and cupcakes that could be displayed in an art gallery, they're that gorgeous. Lifestyle blogs sharing stories of sun-lit hand-in-hand walks through the crisp fall leaves with hot husbands and adorable puppies and flawlessly tied scarves and $500 riding boots.

Bitch(es), please. I kind of hate you all.

It's easy to paint a fairy tale picture of your life in a blog. I'm sure I've done it in some posts, going on about how my husband is the absolute best ever, and I love my job, and here's a recap of our Paris honeymoon, and blah blah blah. This is all true and I am very, very blessed in a lot of areas. But others? Sadly, tragically flawed.

Without further ado, here's a very incomplete list of my imperfections:

    At 29 years of age, I still don't know how to do my hair properly. I can't make it curly. I can't give it any texture. I have three basic hairstyles: hanging limply, messy ponytail, and front bits stuck back with two criss-crossed bobby pins. The only styling product I own is mousse.

    I get awkward in group social settings - major anxiety, especially when it involves meeting a bunch of new people. To compensate, I drink. Quickly. I end up acting retarded and then spending days worrying about whether I offended anyone or made a scene.

    I am terrible at being spontaneous. If something isn't written down on my little to-do list, I have trouble dealing. I have to know at least a day in advance what the next day will involve or I get all stressy.

    I procrastinate. And the more I have to do, the worse I am at putting things off.

    I have a library card but never use it. Instead I just keep shelling out $10-20 a pop on books that I read once and then put on the shelf.

    When I come home from work, I'm so ravenous after "eating healthy" all day that I just literally cram crap food into my mouth - things like peanut butter out of the jar, chocolate chips by the handful, cheese, whatever's around, hundreds of calories' worth - completely undoing all the "healthy eating". Also, I'm a secret eater, which is probably one of the things I dislike most about myself, and it completely embarrasses me to admit it.

    I almost never floss. And I always lie to the dentist about it. And then I get ragged out when they're cleaning my teeth and I turn into Bleeding Gums Murphy.

    I generally look like I haven't slept in 48 hours thanks to the dark circles that have taken up residence under my eyes. Also, I'm beginning to see signs of the dreaded '11' creases between my eyes, a symptom of squinting for years at menu boards and street signs and refusing to wear my glasses.

    I tune people out. I pretend I'm listening, smile, and nod appropriately, when really I'm thinking about my to-do list, my newly discovered wrinkles, my next meal, etc.

    I'm shallow and judgmental and spend way more time making fun of others than complimenting them.

    I vacuum around the furniture, not under it.

So there it is...everything's not all sunshine, ponies and double rainbows all the way across the sky 24/7 in my world. Flaws abound up in hurr. What are your flaws? Come on, you must have at least one...

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  1. Seriously. It is for this reason alone that I can't read blogs that discuss exercise regimens. (And I certainly hope my blog doesn't imply that everything is sunshine and butterflies... half the time i feel like i'm bitching about how busy/tired I am.) Anywya, I'm with you on the hair (also 29 of poor styling to show for it), the lack of flossing and drinking to quell social anxiety.

  2. I've got lots but I'm just so re leaved people start ed admitting them. What they are really doesn't matter to me just nice to see people being genuine and real. How exhausting; all that perfection!

    Another crowd are the minimalist people. Yes we sold our car - now we bike everywhere. In fact we have 22 different bikes of the most expensive kind. We love this lifestyle. Wait, what?!

  3. Great post Amy! It takes a lot of courage to put all that out there... I am going to do a post like this for sure!

  4. I am absolutely right there with you on every single one of these things with the exception of the library card. I'm way too cheap to buy new books.

    So, take some comfort in the fact that it's not just you. And rest assured that the bitch in the riding boots is really pretending to use the bathroom so she can pick that pesky booger, just like the rest of us. (Right? Right???)

  5. ha i have most of the same as you (a handful of chocolate chips happens to have been my veggie in my dinner last night. don't try to tell me that choc is not a vegetable).

    i like some of the cutesy blogs- but i think some were MUCH better back when the bloggers were real... before they got "famous." but it's the ones that stuff the IM PERFECT LOOK in your face that i hate... and i secretly love when those bloggers gain (nonbaby) weight.

  6. It totally vacuum around the furniture instead of under it. In fact, I get irritated when my husband "helps" by moving the couch or table for me.

    While I do know how to style my hair I am completely useless with cosmetics. At the age of 28 I still don't know how to apply eye shadow.

    Thanks for being brave and posting this. I've been trying to figure out a way to join the protesting perfection campaign myself. Perhaps you've inspired me.

  7. I think you know how I feel about blog perfectionism, and it made my day to see someone addressing the fact that yes, it IS easy to pretend your life is perfect when you can choose what's presented to the world online, but it's not REAL, or genuine - it's half truth, and when you build your presence on that? It boggles my mind. If you're not going to be truthful with what you put out there, how do you expect the relationships you build through the platform to be full of integrity? Thank you for addressing this, and for being fresh, honest and real. :)

  8. Emily - Fitness blogs definitely can fall into that "perfectperfectperfect" category!

    Kathryn - AHHHH minimalist/super-eco-obsessed people are horrid. The ones that bought a brand new hybrid and brag about their carbon footprint. If you want to have zero carbon footprint you buy a 1999 Toyota Tercel, not a 2011 Hybrid SUV.

    Pink Peacock - thanks! You should try it, it feels like venting :)

    Erin - I seriously need to start using my library card (I think I owe $8 in fees and that's why i'm scared to go back to the library, so instead I pay a gazillion dollars for new books!)

    heisschic - Chocolate is totally a vegetable. It comes from cocoa beans and beans = vegetable.

    Kristine - I'm with you on cosmetics. I definitely wing it in the makeup category.

    Emily Jane - thanks! Honesty is the best policy after all :)