Sweatpants=Life Changing Apparel

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Before Christmas, I did not own a single pair of sweatpants. I'm talking honest to God, drawstring-waist-and-elasticized-bottoms-and-softest-comfiest-fleecy-gray sweatpants. I have a few pairs of yoga pants and leggings and other gym-friendly bottoms, but no sweatpants. This year, Santa brought me a pair of very soft gray sweatpants for lounging around the house. It was a totally foreign concept to me and one I wasn't sure I supported.

Today, I put on my sweatpants for the first time, had an epiphany, and I don't think I'm going to be taking them off, ever. WHY DO PEOPLE NOT WEAR SWEATPANTS EVERYWHERE THEY GO?

A little background: I am not an overly casual dresser. I usually wear heels to the grocery store--ballet flats if I'm feeling sick or hurt-y. I think twice about stopping for gas on the way back from the gym if I'm in yoga pants and sneakers.

It's not that I'm trying to look hot at the gas station or the supermarket. It's fear of the unknown: specifically, not knowing who you'll run into. If I go out looking like a hobo I'm guaranteed to run into a) one of my bosses, b) one of my clients, c) an ex, d) a snotty girl from school. It's just the way my life goes.

So when I go out anywhere, even just to pay a bill or pick up eggs and milk, I try to be prepared to run into anyone, thereby keeping all of the above at bay. This means good basic hygiene, hair at least somewhat done, tailored clothes and nice shoes.

Until today, when out and about and see someone running errands in grungy gray sweats, I've scoffed at them for being slobs and not getting dressed properly to go out.

"Nice SWEATPANTS...it's good that she spent an entire four seconds getting ready," I'll snark as I mince around in my painful four-inch stilletos, blinking back tears while simultaneously shortening my calf muscles and destroying my spinal alignment, and otherwise guaranteeing my ass a spot in a wheelchair in probably 15 years.

Well, ladies in sweatpants, I salute you. You have been gallivanting around in comfort while I've been suffering for the sake of vanity.

You've been feeling the soft folds of fleecy fluff on your legs, just like a gentle caress from Baby Jesus himself. I've been wearing cold, stiff, scratchy fabrics. After today, everything else will feel like wearing sandpaper.

You haven't been attacked or marred by your clothing. I've had my circulation cut off by tights and had the seams of skinny jeans imprinted in the sides of my thighs for days.

You've been able to go back to the buffet table for seconds with your forgiving elasticy waistbands. I'm not able to even eat my money's worth at any buffet, thanks to punishments like belts, zippers and buckles. One plate, max. Now I can "all-you-can-eat" with the best of 'em! I'm going to eat myself SICK!

These sweatpants are definite life-changers. I don't even care who sees me wearing them, bosses, clients, exes, snobs...eat your heart out, everyone.

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  1. I don't think I've ever left the house worrying about who might see me. I'm pretty confident that I'm better than everyone else, so who cares if I'm seen in a hoodie and sneakers? As you know, that goes for coworkers, bosses, exes, etc.

    I'm glad you've finally seen the light!

  2. I use sweatpants as a bargaining tool with myself. For example, I really hate anything that involves me leaving the house on weekends. I'm tired, yo. So, I say things like, "I'll totally knock out grocery shopping...as long as I can wear my sweats." And it totally makes thing less painful. Plus, I'm a little chubby, so if I throw on a sweatshirt, people from high school are all, "Geez, is she fat? Nah, just the sweats!" It's a win-win: comfort and fat hiding.

    Sweats are freaking amazing.

  3. Oh god.

    We've totally lost you.

  4. I owned ONE pair all of college, and it just died last year.

    What brand is your sweatpants? I am on the hunt for a replacement...

    And no, I don't wear them in public. Perish the thought!

    Even if they are deliciously comfy.

  5. OMG you crack me up!
    I'm totally on the same page with the sweatpants...except I have been enjoying the glorious comfort for years- but only at home. I have the strict no-sweats-in-public rule as well... in my mind, I haven't truly let myself go until I am caught wearing my fleece pjs to the store.
    In the meantime, I wear my leggings to the all you can eat buffets- they are my "dressy" version of sweat pants. Cheers to elastic waist bands! :)

  6. Oh sweet baby Jesus... if I would have known this earlier I would have expressed mailed you a dozen pairs of sweatpants.

  7. imagine this-- hungover mornings + sweatpants. that was a handy cure-all in college... now that i've severely damaged my liver, not so much.

    just be careful going commando while wearing sweats. super comfy- a super problem though when you step on the hem, your hands are full, and your pants are around your knees.

    just sayin...


  9. haha. I dont wear plain grey sweat pants, I usally have pyjama bottoms in various colours/prints for lounging around. I dont wear them in public though...but neither do I wear high heels to go to the grocery store. jeans, tshirt and seakers/boots are good. :)

  10. Joel--You are my fashion inspiration. Sweatpants today, shark hoodies tomorrow.

    Amy--Ahhh, good old fat-hiding...ties in nicely with the overeating at buffets. Genius :)

    Ben--Next SP is the Sweatpants Edition. It couldn't be more than a disaster than Friday's, anyway...

    FB--they are from Garage. REALLY super soft :)

    Jen--I do the same thing with leggings. They're sweatpants' sophisticated older sister!

    Jeney--It's not too late!!!

    heisschic--I can see how that would be a horrendous situation!

    Chelsea--jealous...this is my goal.

  11. Sweatpants or Leggings FTW!!! Seriously dude. And if you wear leggings with boots, it actually looks like "fashion".

  12. elizabeth--you're right!! Boots make them OK!

  13. Amy, you don't know me but I found your blog because of your post about McDonald's Big Mac Snack Wrap (going to try one for lunch today - I'll be posting about it later... Very excited! Saw the commerical last night!)

    In response to this post however, I was the same as you. Prior to Christmas 2008, I didn't own a SINGLE pair of sweatpants. My twin sister bought me a pair similiar to the ones you bought, and now I'm in love with them. Granted, I don't LIVE in them, but I love them.

  14. i had no idea people were judging me over my pants, but shoooooot, i'd wear sweats every day of my life if i could <3