Birthday sex with a bullet

Friday, January 22, 2010

So yesterday was Peter's birthday: the big 2-9. And I was faced with the annual conundrum of what to get him for a thoughtful and loving birthday gift. There are a number of issues at play here that make the situation way more difficult than your average birthday.

1. Peter has everything.
2. Peter doesn't give list of potential gift ideas. "You know what I like" does not count as birthday gift idea help.
3. Christmas just happened, like, less than a month ago, as much as it feels like it was in another lifetime. So Peter was just recently inundated with pressies, which means he REALLY doesn't need anything right now.

Unfortunately none of those reasons get me off the wifely birthday hook.

So what do you give the guy that has everything?

I asked a few people and the answers were pretty much unanimous...

But here's the thing. We went to The Keg for dinner, followed by birthday cake. Big dinner belly + sexy time = no. no. no. They don't mix. It's GROSS!

I needed something more materialistic. Something that Peter will look at every day and think of me fondly. The birthday gift that keeps on giving all year round.

So I settled on this:

Yeah, that's right. I gave him a Magic Bullet. Before you rag on me and tell me it's the lamest gift in the world, some points to consider: Peter likes to drink protein shakes, but he always just mixes up the gross powder with water, and it kind of resembles and tastes like pink chalk ground up in water. Plus he leaves super early for work every day and his breakfast usually consists of spoonfuls of peanut butter out of the jar. Not that there's anything wrong with that...but now he can put the peanut butter in with some yogurt, or bananas, or milk, or berries, or his Hulkamaniac protein powder, and best of all he can TAKE THE DRINK WITH HIM! He can have breakfast en route to work!

So what appears to be a stupid birthday present for a 29-year-old man is actually pretty amazing. It's the gift of fast and convenient on-the-go nutrition, day after day. What could be better than that? I'm a good wife.

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  1. We have one and although I've never made SALSA or ALFREDO SAUCE or PESTO in JUST THREE SECONDS, the smoothies it makes are phenomenal!

  2. You ARE a good wife! Husband and I had the same dilemma at Christmas — we didn't want to buy for each other because we already receive so many gifts and don't really need a whole lot (read: our apartment is small and we don't have room for excess junk). But during post-Christmas sales, Husband and I bought each other a Magic Bullet and we absolutely love it. Perfect for someone who has everything.

  3. I love my magic bullet! I'm a big protein shake drinker, too and it's super convenient.

    Great gift ;-)

  4. You are a good wife. But don't be surprised if, ummm, he says the extra time the magic bullet gives him could be used to make up for the lack of birthday sex...

  5. weird gifts are the best :) everyone made fun of me when I bought matt a water purifier for his one birthday but he uses it every day and really likes it, cause he likes water really cold. lol the things you learn when you live with someone. :)

  6. Ben--I am totally gonna hijack one of the cups for smoothies. I can't believe the stuff it makes!

    Lindsey--We haven't tried it out yet but bought smoothie fixin's today!

    Jeney--Thanks, I'm excited to "borrow" it :)

    Amber--I know there will be a catch...

    Sarah--see, it's the gift that keeps on giving! What's better than the gift of cold, clean water? :D

  7. I like how this post started with birthday sex and ended with a magic bullet. Both very practical.