A night at the movies

Monday, June 07, 2010

Hubby is a movie buff and could easily go to the movies every single day. Myself, not so much. Going to watch a movie at the cinema is a pretty significant investment of time and money and the experience is usually lost on me.

My undiagnosed-but-I-think-I-have-it-so-gimme-Adderall-for-experimenting adult ADHD kicks in somewhere around the 60-minute mark, and I spend the last half of most movies squirming, kicking the seat in front of me, loudly slurping the last drops of Diet Coke clinging to the bottom of my cup, staring at people sitting around me in the darkness until they get uncomfortable, and checking the time.

Honestly, what would be wrong with a one-hour flick? Why the need for these marathon films?

Suffice to say I don't like to go to the movies unless it's something I really, really want to see. I don't like to just "go to a movie" to see something that could potentially be horrible. It's $12 per ticket, plus snacks*, plus a two-hour minimum time investment. Not something I take lightly.

However, this summer Empire Theatres has a Tuesday promotion--every Tuesday, admissions are $5.99. That's essentially two for one. Not a bad way to kill a couple of sticky, humid hours on a summer evening, sitting back in a cushy seat sipping an icy Diet Coke that I have sneaked in from home and spiked with rum and being blasted to numbness via A/C...for $5.99. Who can resist a sale like that?

I've been keeping my eyes open for some movies to see on the cheap this summer. Here's my criteria for willingly watching a movie:

-it can't be sci-fi
-it can't star Nicolas Cage, Jennifer Lopez, Chad Michael Murray, or any rapper
-it should not be based on a Nicholas Sparks novel
-it must be 120 minutes or less in length
-it should not feature aliens or robots
-ideally there are not more than two dance scenes per movie. Exceptions: Dirty Dancing and Saturday Night Fever. Movies with "Step Up" or "Bring It" in the title are not permitted.

That being said, I have narrowed down my summer movie list to the following flicks:

Get Him to the Greek: Russell Brand makes me laugh and I've heard it's a pretty funny movie. I love funny movies, even though I hate laughing in a movie theatre. There is something creepy about staring at a screen with 200 people and everyone laughing together.

Sex and the City 2: I knowwwww it's a bad movie and it's "not realistic", but if I wanted to see something that mirrors reality, I would watch a movie about a girl who just discovered a hole in the crotch of her very favourite black pants as sshe sits on the couch and blogs while her husband plays Red Dead Redemption on Xbox Live and has British kids swearing at him through the speakers, AND THAT WOULDN'T BE A VERY GOOD MOVIE.

The A-team: Just so I'll have a reason to go around saying "I pity the fool!" to any and all questions people ask me.

Eclipse: I'm reading Eclipse now! Team Jacob! I hope the werewolves pwn some vampire ass in Eclipse, although I have a sneaking suspicion it's not gonna happen.

Wall Street 2: Money Never Sleeps: I need to see the original Wall Street first and then make commentary on how much older Michael Douglas looks. Plus, I like money.

What movies do you want to see this summer?

*I loooove to sneak snacks into the movie. There's nothing like the crack-hissssssssssssss of popping a can of Diet Coke during the previews or the rattle-rattle-rattle of a bag of chips. Better idea: smuggle ALCOHOL in. Pete and I brought blueberry Smirnoff to The Hangover and mixed it with blueberry Kool-Aid slush, a combo which I highly recommend!! Adult movies should be licensed anyway.

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  1. *Collects jaw from the floor*

    "It can't be sci fi"

    /Heartbreak :)

    I don't go to the movies much either. Why would I pay $10 to sit somewhere I can't lie down or stretch out, listening to other people whispering and people kicking the back of my chair... it's kind of infuriating!

  2. I wanna see Shrek 4 & Despicable Me.

    Yes I'm an adult. No I don't have children/nephews/nieces. Shaddup.

  3. I've only been seeing so many movies lately because I show how ended up with tons of gift cards to the movies. Otherwise I too couldn't care less. But the best movie theater situation for adults is going to our local very old six month outdated movies theater. It's only $2!!!

  4. I have the EXACT same criteria for movie watching. Sci-fi? No thanks. Robots and aliens? Hells no. And I like short movies too. I am also against fantasy types of movies.

    I just about died when I was forced to go watch one of the Lord of the Rings movies (I forget which one). I kept thinking the movie was ending, and then it went on for another hour or something.

  5. Emily Jane: I know you love your sci fi :) As I type this I'm watching Star Trek (the movie) so maybe I need to say I don't hate alllllllllll sci fi...

    Sarah: I heard Shrek 4 has some pretty good one liners!

    Dutchess of Kickball: Wooo $2 movies! Hard to beat that!

    Cristina: I HAAAATE Lord of the Rings. Abhor it. I fell asleep in one of them. Whatever is the opposite of 'fan', that's what I am.

  6. I guess I'm a total numb skull, but I've never even heard of Wall Street, much less Wall Street 2. I must know more about this.