I was so happy to discover that the Friday Five still exists! This week's is all about gestures.


1. What are your thoughts on “air quotes?”

I hate air quotes. Once in a while I catch myself doing them, and I want to start crying. I knew a chick once who put air quotes around everything she said. I kid you not. Everything. Every time we were having a conversation, and it was her turn to speak, she would find a reason to do air quotes. I'm going to "Subway" to get a "six inch steak and cheese". Do you want me to "pick you up" anything? That's not even exaggerating.

2. If you are the sort to flip someone the bird, what were the circumstances surrounding your most recent flip? If you’re not that type, have you ever, ever used that gesture?

I flip the bird at my friends in sneaky ways like scratching my face or adjusting my glasses. In terms of genuine pissed-off bird flipping I'm not sure when the last time it happened. I know I've done it while driving. Such good manners.

3. What’s a gesture you’ve made up, or what’s a gesture made up by (and shared with) your friends or family?

My sister and I have a dance move where we put one arm straight out in front of us and "wind it up" with the other arm up by our ears. Does that count as a gesture? We make duck faces when we do it too which makes it that much better...gets the whole body involved. It's practically a workout.

4. Are there any gestures that have specific, unique meanings in your workplace?

I'm still new at work so I'm trying to maintain a professional and mature air as long as possible. I've been keeping the gestures pretty minimal. At my old job we had an inside joke that included mimicking fisting.

5. Have you ever received an anonymous gesture of kindness or affection?

Once I went to Tim Horton's drive-thru to get a tea and a bagel, feeling crappy and really sick. The guy in front of me paid for my order, which I thought was an incredibly kind gesture. I felt better all afternoon. Pay it forward, peeps!

Hubby is a movie buff and could easily go to the movies every single day. Myself, not so much. Going to watch a movie at the cinema is a pretty significant investment of time and money and the experience is usually lost on me.

My undiagnosed-but-I-think-I-have-it-so-gimme-Adderall-for-experimenting adult ADHD kicks in somewhere around the 60-minute mark, and I spend the last half of most movies squirming, kicking the seat in front of me, loudly slurping the last drops of Diet Coke clinging to the bottom of my cup, staring at people sitting around me in the darkness until they get uncomfortable, and checking the time.

Honestly, what would be wrong with a one-hour flick? Why the need for these marathon films?

Suffice to say I don't like to go to the movies unless it's something I really, really want to see. I don't like to just "go to a movie" to see something that could potentially be horrible. It's $12 per ticket, plus snacks*, plus a two-hour minimum time investment. Not something I take lightly.

However, this summer Empire Theatres has a Tuesday promotion--every Tuesday, admissions are $5.99. That's essentially two for one. Not a bad way to kill a couple of sticky, humid hours on a summer evening, sitting back in a cushy seat sipping an icy Diet Coke that I have sneaked in from home and spiked with rum and being blasted to numbness via A/C...for $5.99. Who can resist a sale like that?

I've been keeping my eyes open for some movies to see on the cheap this summer. Here's my criteria for willingly watching a movie:

-it can't be sci-fi
-it can't star Nicolas Cage, Jennifer Lopez, Chad Michael Murray, or any rapper
-it should not be based on a Nicholas Sparks novel
-it must be 120 minutes or less in length
-it should not feature aliens or robots
-ideally there are not more than two dance scenes per movie. Exceptions: Dirty Dancing and Saturday Night Fever. Movies with "Step Up" or "Bring It" in the title are not permitted.

That being said, I have narrowed down my summer movie list to the following flicks:

Get Him to the Greek: Russell Brand makes me laugh and I've heard it's a pretty funny movie. I love funny movies, even though I hate laughing in a movie theatre. There is something creepy about staring at a screen with 200 people and everyone laughing together.

Sex and the City 2: I knowwwww it's a bad movie and it's "not realistic", but if I wanted to see something that mirrors reality, I would watch a movie about a girl who just discovered a hole in the crotch of her very favourite black pants as sshe sits on the couch and blogs while her husband plays Red Dead Redemption on Xbox Live and has British kids swearing at him through the speakers, AND THAT WOULDN'T BE A VERY GOOD MOVIE.

The A-team: Just so I'll have a reason to go around saying "I pity the fool!" to any and all questions people ask me.

Eclipse: I'm reading Eclipse now! Team Jacob! I hope the werewolves pwn some vampire ass in Eclipse, although I have a sneaking suspicion it's not gonna happen.

Wall Street 2: Money Never Sleeps: I need to see the original Wall Street first and then make commentary on how much older Michael Douglas looks. Plus, I like money.

What movies do you want to see this summer?

*I loooove to sneak snacks into the movie. There's nothing like the crack-hissssssssssssss of popping a can of Diet Coke during the previews or the rattle-rattle-rattle of a bag of chips. Better idea: smuggle ALCOHOL in. Pete and I brought blueberry Smirnoff to The Hangover and mixed it with blueberry Kool-Aid slush, a combo which I highly recommend!! Adult movies should be licensed anyway.

"I'm the kind of guy who laughs at a funeral.
Can't understand what I mean? You soon will."
-Barenaked Ladies, One Week

In middle school, I had an intense love/hate relationship with our daily silent reading period. For half an hour after lunch every day, we got to sit at our desks and read a book of our choosing. For a dork like me, this was heavenly. I think I enjoyed it more than lunch hour.

The problem was, this was often when I'd have an unprovoked fit of hysterical laughter...right when the entire class was more or less silent. So quite often, I'd have to go sit in the hall because I was being disruptive. Then I'd get upset and be sooky and sullen with my teacher for the rest of the afternoon. Thus, my love/hate with silent reading. There was just something about not being allowed to make a peep that made it impossible not to laugh.

Some kid's chair would squeak and it would remind me of a fart, which would send me over the edge. Or I'd see someone scratching their ass, or someone would be breathing funny, and I'd lose it. Knowing that we weren't supposed to make noise made it harder to hold it in, and this is something that holds true to this day.

I have always had trouble not laughing at the most inappropriate times. Weddings and funerals are awful for me. Funerals are especially bad. There's always some hick whose Alan Jackson ringtone goes off in the middle of the service, or the soloist's voice cracks, and I have to hide my face in my hands and pretend to be sobbing.

Church services are bad. Remembrance Day services are bad. The words "let's have a moment of silence" or "let us pray" are triggers for me. Meetings are bad. Witnessing dramatic episodes between other people? Bad. Getting yelled at by my parents? Bad. Getting shushed in a movie theatre? Hysterical. Basically any time I'm not supposed to be laughing, I'm laughing.

Why am I such a fantastic jackass? I think it's human nature to be inclined to do what we aren't supposed to do. It's why dieters who vow to give up chocolate snap after three days and nom on everything brown in sight. It's why you tell a kid, "don't touch!", and he immediately goes after The Untouchable. If it were Unsilent Reading, I probably would have been sober as a judge. Thing is, I feel bad about laughing at memorial services and serious times, and afterward I tell myself that next time I'll hold it together. It never works.

The worst part is that moment when you oh-so-sternly tell yourself, "Don't you dare laugh!!" Then you're gone. I've tried everything. Biting my cheeks, biting my tongue, thinking of my pets dying, and nothing works. Do you have suggestions for holding back inappropriate laughter?

This post was inspired by Mama Kat's writing prompts. I'm a day late, but better late than never! Happy Friday!