Things Eli has said lately

Saturday, April 18, 2015

Let's get this out of the way bright and early: I don't want to start a horrible "Kids say the darnedest things!" series of posts where I rehash all the hilarious and insightful commentary Eli comes out with in the run of a day. Everybody thinks their kid is the funniest, smartest toddler on the block. Here's the hard truth: you and possibly your spouse/significant other and maaaaybe your child's grandparents agree. To everyone else, your child is a noisy, messy human who's the reason you have to leave happy hour after PRECISELY one hour.

Bedhead happens to the best of us.

But! At three, Eli does come out with some gems from time to time. He's developed some funny mannerisms, i.e. will gobble down a big serving of salad because it's "plants" and his favourite dinosaur, triceratops, also eats plants. Fussiest kid on the planet is now a fan of spinach salad? I never thought I'd see this day.

Here are some funny (to me) Eli stories as of late.

1. Eli started swimming lessons last Sunday, but his first lesson was abruptly cut short after some kid shit in the pool and everybody had to pile out. I saw some instructors talking in hushed tones and suddenly the pool went straight-up Caddyshack and emptied out in seconds. We explained to Eli what had happened and he kept demanding (and still asks now, four days later) "But WHO pooped in the pool?" Of course, in his loudest voice. He's also filled everyone in on his swimming lessons by letting them know someone pooped in the pool. Not a word about the instructor or the games they played, but did you know someone took an underwater deuce that brought the entire afternoon to a grinding halt?

2. Eli got a toy triceratops lately (as mentioned above, his favourite dinosaur, for reasons unbeknownst to me because, frankly, triceratops?) and he named it Horny. Horny the Dinosaur! Perfect!

3. This isn't really a funny thing as much as gross but Eli is obsessed with bologna. He would eat it at every meal if he could. Which is bizarre, because Pete and I have never bought bologna. He's had it at his grandparents' and his sitter's and now he loves it and we have to have it in the house.

4. Eli loves music and is not picky about genre. Pop, rap, classic rock, alternative - he loves them all. Lately his favourites include Uptown Funk, that old song from the 60s that goes "who put the bop in the bop-she-bop-she-bop?" and...Tuesday by ILoveMakonnen. If you say "Going up..." he'll reply "On a Tuesday!" He also likes to change the lyrics to that old bop-she-bop song: "Who was that man? I'd like to shake his poop. He made my baby fall in love with poop." (Anything with poop is funny these days).

5. Every time he makes us laugh, he crows, "I make your day!"

That you do, little man.

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  1. he's cute!! One of my friends daughters went through a stage where she was obsessed with kielbasa….to the point that it was the first word out of her mouth when she woke up in the morning. lol….

  2. These are really good! I also chuckled at " ... did you know someone took an underwater deuce that brought the entire afternoon to a grinding halt?"

    1. Lesson #2 (no pun intended) was last night and, luckily, there was no need to evacuate the pool this time!

  3. Haha, what a sweet kid. :) I love Horny!

    Bologna AKA New Brunswick Steak.

    1. That's so funny! We call it Newfoundland Steak!