Dear Mom on the iPhone: IT'S OK.Friday, April 05, 2013
Every morning, when I scroll through my Facebook feed, I'm bombarded with asinine posts and updates. I consider deleting my account, but I keep it for pure comedic relief and daily visual affirmation that I made the right choice when I got the eff out of my hometown.
(And party invitations. Mostly I'm scared of missing out on party invitations.)
Anyway, lately, a few people posted this gem, Dear Mom on the iPhone, and I'm so glad it was shared, because I wasn't aware that if you use your phone in the vicinity of your children, you're missing out on their lives, stunting their development, and making them sad. Children are sad when you don't stare at them 24/7. They don't like it when you do things like go to work in the morning, or go to the bathroom, or blink your eyes.
Give me a break. You know why I'm on my phone when my son is with me? Chances are, it's something to do with him and his well-being.
- I'm responding to a work issue. For my JOB. Which is a necessity to feed, clothe, shelter, and care for my child.
- I'm taking a picture of him, or a video, or we're Face Timing with one of his relatives.
- I'm talking to or texting my husband, which, nine times out of ten, is something Eli-related: reminding one another to pick up Eli's milk or bananas, or filling each other in on something funny Eli's done. I will show you my saved conversations if you don't believe me. It's all Eli all the time plus a few Arrested Development references and emojis (I LOVE emojis).
- I'm checking the library website to see what hours they're open, so I can - you guessed it - take Eli to the library.
- Or getting a weather update so we can plan our Sunday, whether we'll go to the park or play inside.
- Or showing him the Adorable Animals Instagram feed (he's obsessed).
I'm not sitting on the phone posting ridiculous shit to Facebook while my son does a faceplant off the back of the couch onto the floor. I'm not watching YouTubes while he's drinking Pine-Sol. I'm not swerving down the highway, tweeting, pinning, and Instagramming duckface selfies with him in the backseat wailing.
If your kid is safe, healthy, having fun, not on fire, not ingesting hazardous materials, not falling on swords, not rolling his naked body in broken glass, guess what?
He's probably OK.
You can probably check your phone.
The biggest danger is the dagger-eyes from Judgy Mom across the playground.
Post a Vine of her picking her nose when she thinks no one's looking, and move on.