Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Today's post is inspired by Mama Kat's writing prompts. I picked the following: List 10 rules you’ve unlearned (meaning 10 things you thought were expected of you or were the “right way” of doing things, but that you now ignore).

10 Things I've Unlearned

1. If you drink vodka, you won't be hungover tomorrow!
I can't remember which brainiac gave me that advice, but it's not true. To this day, vodka gives me the most wicked hangovers in the world. I can drink rum all day and all night long and wake up completely fine. Wine only hurts when I totally abuse it. One little vodka drink always makes me feel all regretty and headachey the next day.

2. Bigger is better.
Not true. Better is better. This applies to a number of things: diamond rings so enormous they look gaudy and faux, boobs that suffocate you when you're sleeping, purses that haul your spine out of alignment, vehicles so large they're more expensive to operate per day than a medium sized hotel.

3. Facebook makes it easy to stay in touch with friends!
Facebook makes it easy to stalk casual acquaintances. Staying in touch with friends? That's what the telephone is for. Or, I dunno, actual interaction? I would say that since getting Facebook three or four years ago or however long it's been my actual social interactions have dropped by at least 50%, and I can only partially blame that on my work schedule.

4. Washing your hair every other day is better for your hair.
Not for this bear...second-day hair is supposed to be all shiny and manageable and cooperative. My second-day hair is limp and has as much going on as Nick Lachey's career. Every magazine I've ever read advocates the benefits of skipping hair washings, but it doesn't work for me.

5. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.
I like my enemies as far away as possible, thanks.

6. Men like having their nipples played with.
Cosmo? You lie.

7. You should spend six months' salary on your wedding.
Hmm, we certainly didn't, and I don't feel like we skimped on anything. Half a year's salary for a 20-minute ceremony, some buffett food and a little dance party? It can be done for so much less.

8. Red lipstick is a great way to look polished.
I haven't mastered the art of picking out a good shade of red, let alone applying it properly or wearing it without feeling like a clown on a bender.

9. You can be anything you want if you work hard enough.
Disagree. There are other factors at stake too. I'm not sure what they are, but obviously hard work doesn't cut it, because I'm still not an astronaut.

10. Don't worry.
Sometimes, you've got to do a little worrying. Otherwise you'd be dumb.

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  1. LOVE this. Totally with you on, um, everything?!

  2. Coming over from Mama Kat's workshop. Doesn't cosmo lie about everything? lol. Very funny post.

  3. HILARIOUS READ!!! Absolutely loved it. Totally agree with the vodka and have tested that theory myself armed with the miracle conncoction (before the internet, I'm that old) purchased from the back pages of COSMO that guaranteed to prevent a hangover. It was the color of Head and Shoulders shampoo going down and the exact same color coming back up. Cheers!

  4. I laughed about the nipple thing. Why don't they love that? I am not against it. :)
    Oh and vodka....there are many more things that make me feel worse.

  5. This is hilarious! Really 6 months for a wedding? I'm screwed :)

  6. Emily Jane - Thanks lady!

    Florida Girl - Cosmo isn't the most reliable source of information perhaps...

    Poppy - I don't know what it is about vodka but it does not agree with me!

    Bess - Nipples on men are useless!

    Kelly - That's the formula I've heard...I can think of LOTS of better things to spend 6 months' salary on!

  7. You are hilarious! You're also on the money: Cosmo lies, better is better, facebook is definitely stalker city, Nick Lachey's career is just as limp as my hair too and by golly I'm not an astronaut either!
    I have to disagree on your statement that nipples are useless on men. They're actually great when it comes to getting men to do things around the house. Don't believe me? Pinch and twist. That'll get your hubby's attention real quick! lol
    Thanks so much for stopping by. I love your writing style! I'm adding you to my reader and will definitely be back again. Have a great day!

    Kristi, Live and Love...Out Loud

  8. My hair is so oily by the end of the day. Of course I'd have to wash it every single day!!