Over the past month or so, my peaceful snoozes have been interrupted by horrendous nightmares several times, which is unusual for me since I don't usually have dreams and especially not ones that I remember afterward. The common denominator of these nightmares is...dun dun dunnnnn...our wedding. Not monsters or demons or being chased or being naked in front of a crowd. Nope--it's a wedding ceremony!

Nightmare #1
We're setting up the resort for the ceremony and my task is to put programs on the chairs where guests will be sitting. Every time I turn around, all of the programs have fallen on the floor and I have to go back and do them over again. Meanwhile, there's a massive clock on the wall going TICK! TICK! TICK! and the ceremony is about to start, guests are arriving, the floor is covered with programs and I'm sobbing.

Nightmare #2
The wedding is starting in 15 minutes and I haven't had a shower. I'm wearing Umbro shorts and a tank top and have no makeup on.

Nightmare #3
The most recent iteration, from two nights ago. I arrive at the wedding venue wearing a brown cape over my dress. I can't get the cape off. It's attached. I rip it off. My hair and makeup look like dogshit, but at least the cape is gone. I get to the back of the church and look down the aisle and H2B is wearing this garish white and black patterned tux, which is a surprise, but whatever. Dad and I start down the aisle and there is no one on my side of the church. Not one guest. Not one attendant. I sit down in the middle of the empty chairs and start sobbing. I wake up actually crying.




We have eight days to go and I hope that these dreams are not signs of the imminent nervous breakdown I'm about to experience. This weekend I have a couple of last-minute things to do...printing table numbers, filling favour bags, and building centrepieces...but once those things are done, I want to spend the weekend relaxing and not doing weddingy things. I want to pick apples, watch movies, go shopping, bake and take pictures outside. I want to hang out where I grew up and just relax and reflect on my last weekend as a single gal. Wow.

I'm feeling happy and sad all at once. Nervous and excited and optimistic and paranoid about programs falling on the floor and hideous tuxes. I feel more 'adult' than ever but at the same time I want to go home and have my parents look after me this weekend. Or Xanax. And/or alcohol.