There are a few simple skills I would like to master,  but no matter how hard I try I can't seem to get the hang of them:

• The art of applying eyeliner. I feel like I have weird eyes or something, because when I try to replicate what looks hot and effortless on EVERYONE ELSE I end up looking like a raccoon with an allergy problem. I can do the upper lash line of my right eye, no problem. When I try to do my left eye the line gets all crazy and crooked. Then I don't know what to do with the bottoms. Inside the rims? Outside? Why is it smudging? Why does it make me look so tired and haggard? Why does everyone make it look so easy? No one has ever taught me to apply eye makeup correctly so I'm like a lost baby in the woods. I usually just end up wearing lots of mascara, which is like frozen pizza: impossible to eff up.
• Getting my hair to hold a curl. I have straight, thick hair and it doesn't like to curl. I even invested in a fancy curling iron but all I seem to be able to do is get the ends to flip up. Am I holding it wrong? Wrapping it wrong? Do I need to be using product? Should I just give up? 
• Painting baseboards and trim. I can use all the painter's tape in the world and it still looks like our trim was painted by high children. Solution: Install wider, pre-painted trim.
• Making perfect scrambled eggs. I know that the secret is to cook them over a low heat and they turn out perfectly fluffy and pro. I get alllllllmost to that point - and then I get impatient and crank the heat. And the eggs end up browning. So we've waited 35 minutes for meh eggs. Not worth it.
• Driving a standard. I've tried and failed. I have shed many tears over my inability to drive a standard, especially when I look around and see complete idiots doing it left, right and centre. My problem is letting the clutch out too quickly and stalling the car every single time. Well, I have places to go and I don't have an hour to sit around letting my clutch out all day. 

What supposedly "easy" tasks do you find impossible? 

39 weeks 4 days. HOLAAAY!

There are now THREE DAYS until our due date, November 10. THREE DAYS!! The full moon happens to fall on our due date, too. According to my great-uncle Floyd, who has seen probably hundreds of cows give birth to calves on full moons, I'm definitely going to have the baby that day. (Humans and cows operate much the same way, apparently, at least when it comes to birth.)

A strange thing happened over the weekend. My anxiety and fear has all but disappeared and has been replaced by kind of an eerie calm. It's like my brain has finally accepted that this baby is coming, so I better suck it up and get used to the idea. I'm still not experiencing any big panic to get to the hospital but at least now I'm OK with going when it's time.

I LOVE the anticipation of wondering whether it's a boy or a girl in there and I've got to say I'm so happy we didn't find out at our ultrasound...it's going to be an amazing surprise!

Knowing that there's a very good chance this was our last baby-free weekend, we crammed in as much "we" time as possible over the past couple days. We went Christmas shopping, had dinner with friends, went out for breakfast, and spent a lot of time with Rory, walking him and taking him to the football field near our house for a good game of fetch-the-stick. I caught up on episodes of America's Next Top Model and Glee and made a whole bunch of crafts I've seen on Pinterest, and Peter played his Gears of Duty Halo 3 or whatever the kids on Xbox are into these days. We had a movie date and got Starbucks and went to the gym twice. We spent some time just enjoying being at home, hanging out, comfortable, quiet.

It was weird thinking that this could be the last time we go see a movie without having to get a babysitter, or the last time we go to the mall without a stroller. At breakfast, we saw couples eating with their babies in car seats next to them, and it was surreal thinking that next time we go out for breakfast we could be doing the same. Things are about to change so much. I don't think you can actually fully prepare. I think we're as ready as we're going to get.

Any day now, baby! Come on out whenever you like.

How Far Along: 39 weeks and four days.

Size of baby: The size of a watermelon. I'm hoping a smallish watermelon.

Total Weight Gain: As of last week's appointment I'm up between 15-17lb. I can't wait to get back to normal.

Maternity Clothes: The whole pregnancy, I only bought two pieces of maternity clothing: a dress and a blouse. I have been wearing my old jeans with my Bella Band along with leggings and long cardigans. The "shirt" I'm wearing in my picture is actually a dress... What sucks is it's getting colder and none of my coats fasten over my belly. Luckily the weather this week is forecast to be pretty mild so hopefully by the time the really wintery stuff comes I can wear my coats again.

Gender: Mystery! I have no inclinations one way or the other.

Movement: Still a big mover. The other night my stomach was like a family of raccoons trapped in a blanket. It was actually painful.

Cravings/Aversions: Nothing specific.

Labor Signs: I don't know if I'm having false contractions, Braxton Hicks, or if I just need to go to the bathroom. They all feel the same.

What I miss: Sleeping on my back and belly. Being able to pick something up off the floor without strategizing on ways to avoid bending over first. Running and lifting weights. Wine. Eggs benedict. Being able to fasten my pants. Being able to sleep between the hours of 3:00 and 6:00 AM.

What I'm looking forward to: Meeting our little beastie, finding out if it's a he or a she, not looking like a gargantuan whale, going for a super long run, gorging myself on soft-poached eggs and Brie cheese, Christmas time with our little family.

38 and a half weeks. That smile? FAKE.

We're at 38+ weeks now, with less than two weeks to go until our due date on November 10.

In related amazing news, my doctor is going away to Australia and China for the next two weeks, and the doctor she referred me to is also going to be away from November 2-8, so if the baby is born between those dates, I guess we'll just have a taxi driver or Sobeys cashier or a Starbucks barista deliver him or her, since ALL OF THE DOCTORS ARE GONE!! NO BIG DEAL!!

I haven't been experiencing the "ZOMG get this baby out of me now" feelings that many moms-to-be report having. Quite the opposite, in fact.

I'm absolutely petrified of labour and delivery and am having trouble coming to terms with the fact that I will actually be participating in this act in less than a fortnight (I have always wanted to throw out a gratuitous use of the word "fortnight", so I can now cross that off my life list.) I cannot and will not accept the fact that I'm about to have a baby. Does. Not. Compute. It just doesn't feel like it's happening to me. Even typing the words "I am going to give birth within the next two weeks" or saying it out loud doesn't make sense. It's like I'm typing "I am a polar bear". I understand what it means, but it doesn't apply to me.

As far-fetched as it sounds, I've kind of put the actual birthing out of my mind for the past nine months, like, "oh, that's something that happens to other women" and skipped off to watch Gossip Girl and eat Skinny Cow ice cream sandwiches, assuming that science would come up with a better way to get a baby out of its mother's body by the time when my turn rolled around since everything else was going so swimmingly. Well, thanks for nothing, David Suzuki.  

I've known that the baby is coming - I just haven't given any thought as to how it's going to get here. And now it's like: whoa. You want me to push what through where? Wait, what? Did I agree to this? Was I on drugs? Can I change my mind? I feel like I've been tricked.

Now that it's roughly 10-ish days, max, until I'm actually going to expel a human being from my hidey-hole, shit is getting super real. I've been doing things like sitting with my legs tightly crossed and elevated so that gravity keeps the baby from trying to make tracks for the escape hatch. Seriously. Because that's a legitimate way to prevent birth from happening.

Fear: I haz it. I have never been so scared in my entire life.

Let's all join hands and pray that the drugs work. And that the Starbucks baristas are skilled at administering epidurals. Amen!