Back(ish). This time, with more feelings.Tuesday, July 14, 2015
I've had a little unexpected, unplanned blog break, and I've enjoyed it. Whenever something starts to feel more like a chore than fun, I've finally learned to take a step back and leave it alone for a while, rather than forcing myself to make an effort, whether it's running or writing or crafting. After all, we *have* to do enough unpleasant stuff in the run of the day, why fill our free time with something we aren't enjoying at the moment?
Lately, blogging and, to some extent, the internet in general has mostly been irritating me. I struggle with how much to share and how much to hold back, how genuine to be versus how censored in case a family member or frenemy or client stumbles upon this space. I find myself editing and deleting and posting so many drafts that never see the light of day that it feels like a big waste of time.
And honestly? I'm also having trouble with a lot of the type of content I'm seeing in my blog feed. I know it's not the case but it feels like everyone is either pregnant or training for a figure competition. Every post feels like a fetus growth update or progress pics of someone's insane abs in a bikini. Meanwhile I'm over here freaking out about putting on a bathing suit for a family vacation and, more importantly, struggling - a LOT - over whether or not we're going to have another kid. I'm really agonizing over it and for other families it feels like it's just such an easy decision, of course we'll have another! So every single pregnancy update I see every damn day - while I KNOW it's great news, and I'm 100% happy for these people - feels like another little dig, a reminder that I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. It's hard. It's a hard debate, there's a lot to think about, there's no right answer, and seeing other ladies with growing bellies makes me sad and mad and defensive and frustrated. I won't get into all our pros and cons here, but let's just say I'm trying to focus on being happy and content with the family I do have, with less emphasis on feeling jealous or anxious or judgemental or whatever else I'm feeling as I run through my blog feed.
ANYWAY. Now that I've got that off my chest and am feeling much better, I hope to start posting somewhat regularly again. Stay tuned for summer bucket lists, Pinterest fails, and running training plans gone awry.